We’re Sorry – Words of Apology to Those We Have Hurt
I feel like I’m speaking for all mothers. I want to say to my daughter and to every daughter who ever felt pressured to abort by her mother, I’m sorry. I had no right to ask that of you.
I had no right to insist that you choose between your love for your baby and your love for me or your father. I honestly thought it would help to save the future we always wanted for you. I never imagined how it could affect you forever.
Can you ever forgive me?
For myself, and all fathers, to all of our children who were too afraid to tell us
about their pregnancies–too afraid to face our disappointment, or even our anger–I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I made you feel that you had to be perfect. I’m sorry that when you were a child, I didn’t build up enough trust in you so that you would know that your mother and I would have stood beside you.
Given some time to adjust, we would have helped. We would still have loved you, and been proud of you, and been proud of our grandchild.
But we failed you. We failed to give you the confidence to have your child and to rely on us. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for not having been there for you. I was afraid, confused…
I’ve never forgotten you or our baby.
Speaking for all the men skipped out on the women who trusted us, urged an abortion, or simply didn’t fight hard enough for our relationships with both you and our children, I’m sorry. . . I’ll always be sorry.
I was prejudiced. I just assumed that having a baby, in your situation, was automatically a bad thing. I encouraged or went along with the abortion because it was easier than helping you to find a better solution.
As a medical procedure, abortion is easy to do.
The alternative, helping people to welcome a child into the world, is hard. That takes time and commitment.
It was easier for me just to offer you an abortion–cheap love. I’m sorry.
What you really wanted was help. I took the easy way out.
I’m sorry that I encouraged you to abort. I know I made it sound so easy.
What I didn’t tell you was that I had buried my own pain about abortion. I wanted to convince myself, as much as you, that my abortion wasn’t so bad.
Worse, in encouraging you to abort, and seeing you abort, I was somehow hoping that your abortion would make me feel a little better. After all, I liked you, and if you also had an abortion, then somehow that was proof that I could still be likable too.
As you can tell, I was really messed up. I’m sorry.
I want to tell my boyfriend, whose baby I aborted, I’m sorry.
I did it without even telling you, except afterwards…just to make you feel the same hurt I was feeling.
For myself, and all of us women who have used our abortions to dump on men, I’m sorry. We were just so confused, frightened, and hurting.
I’m sorry for all the times I was insensitive.
I’m sorry for the times I did not speak on abortion when I had a chance to shape your future choices. I’m also sorry for the times when I did speak on abortion without emphasizing God’s love for you, and my love for you.
Instead, I only said how wrong it was–piercing your soul with words of blame–when what you really needed was a gentle word, a reminder that we all make mistakes. We all fall short.
But our God is so loving that if we run to Him when we fall, He will always tend to our wounds and make us whole again. This is what I knew. This is what I wanted to share with you. But so often, the words never came out right. I’m sorry.
Allow me to speak for every minister of every denomination who has ever failed you: I’m sorry. Every minister of God tries to faithfully preach both God’s law and His mercy. But so often we end up preaching more of one than the other, and the message becomes unbalanced.
Please, forgive us our failings, just as God will surely forgive you yours.
19 thoughts on “We’re Sorry – Words of Apology to Those We Have Hurt”
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I regret aborting my baby because of my friend i regret every each day. I had a divorce with my husband he was so abusive he assaulted me and kicked me out of a house. I found out that i was pregnant but it was not my husbands it was my boyfriends.
I went to live with a friend who forced me to abort and she borrow me money and she made me that i don’t have a choice because i was staying under her roof and im not working. I finally went to abort my baby after that she is gossiping about my abortion and i found out that she was after my boyfriend because my friend she has addiction of dating young guys. I really miss my baby Tokollo”magesh”so much. I wish i had i choice and i can’t forgive myself by taking innocent soul because of jealous friend. I wish i should’nt have. I miss my boy so much even thou im not working but i was give him all the love i have for him.
Dear Nnano,
I’m so sorry for all that you are going through. It is so hard, especially when you feel that you were pushed into an unwanted abortion. I know it’s hard to forgive yourself, but turn to God and pray for forgiveness both from Him and for the grace to forgive yourself.
Please read our page of tips and resources to find a group of other women who have also been through abortions but found healing who can help you in your healing journey.
Don’t give into despair. That is a trap that will keep you from the healing and happiness that God desires for you.
You are in my prayers.
NNano,
I’m not sure if I’m ready for this, but, honestly, I am so sorry that you had an abortion. That must have been the worst feeling in the world. I can imagine so because I had one myself and I have regretted it ever since. I hope you take this as an invitation of healing and find these words to be healing and a gift of sincere hope to you. You still have everything to live for. God bless you and forgive you and keep you close always. Your friend in healing.
To the mother and father that tried to abort me:
I’m sorry I was sent to live at an inconvenient time. I’m sorry that the culture and society at the time forced you to keep me. I’m sorry I was a burden to your financial plans. I’m sorry I didn’t respond positively to your abuse and anger at my survival and constant presence. I’m sorry for not being my older brother, who’s name you repeatedly called me by. I’m sorry for all my self-harm, depression, anxiety attacks, PTSD, and the failed suicide attempts. I’m sorry I lived – I know I should’ve painfully died for the benefit of others.
D, I’m so sorry for your experiences. You should never have been abused or been forced to carry the unhappiness of others over a situation for which you bore no responsibility. Your being born into a bad situation was not your fault in any way. No matter the circumstances, you deserved (and still deserve) love and are a precious person — even if others have not always treated you that way.
I don’t know what your current situation is or if you have been able to find any peace or healing from this pain. If you are interested, there is an organization for people who survived abortions, called The Abortion Survivors Network. I’m not sure if this would be of help to you, but I’m sharing this in case you would like to network with others who might have similar backgrounds or experienced some of the emotions and pain you have faced. Here is a description from their site:
You might be interested in just reaching out to them to see if they can offer some support — sometimes it it a comfort just to talk with someone who might be able to understand what you are going through. I’m sure they would be glad to hear from you.
aborting is the most painful thing that can ever happen. i still miss you my Dominic…every second of everyday. i asked you for forgiveness before i took you away….i requested for you to comeback later for me. am ready now please do come back if u can. talking to you throughout the night when i still had u within me was the best feeling that i have ever experienced but i knew i had to let you go my angel…its been 2 years now and the memory of you still lives on
You are in our prayers, Brenda. If and when you are ready, please reach out to a post-abortion healing group near you. They can help!
My baby, I am so sorry I never gave you the chance to live. The second I discovered I was pregnant any with you, I felt overcome with love. I have never felt a love like that before. I am sorry your father didn’t want you, he told me you would ruin both our life’s. but you wouldn’t. You made me so happy and when I dream about you I feel so happy. I feel sick that you are not here. I feel sick that your father didn’t want you and I feel sick that my own mother encouraged me to abort you. I am so sorry that I didn’t listen my own heart. I am sorry that I thought others opinions were more important that the love I felt for you. You are in my dreams and in my heart every single moment of the day. I miss you so much and would do anything to see you, to erase the mistake I made by aborting you. A baby is such a blessing, they are so beautiful and so pure and I was evil to kill you. Please someone in heaven look out for my beautiful baby Lucia. I love her so much and dream of the day when I see her again. Please forgive me my darling, I love you so much.
Zoe, I am so sorry for your loss. The pain and regret you feel really come through in you Lucia. As for someone to watch over her, know that God cares for every soul and that you can entrust your baby to His mercy and love. I wonder if you have sought any sort of support or counseling to help you grieve this loss and work through your feelings of sadness and regret. If you’ve been in touch with a post-abortion counselor or support group, remember that healing takes time and don’t give up on it. If you haven’t talked to anyone about this, there are many ministries out there that offer support to women who are grieving for their children after abortion. They offer free, confidential help and the staff would love to talk with you. You can find out more about these ministries on our healing page (or if you are outside the US, you can send an email to elliotinstitute@gmail.com and we’ll try to put you in touch with someone in your area who can help). We will be praying for you and for healing and peace of mind and heart for you.
To the baby I said bye to, I’m so sorry I panicked and didn’t feel at all ready. That I felt that I would never be good enough. I think about you every day and wish I could change how I was. My world is empty. Please forgive me.
Hi, thank you so much for posting this. I’m so sorry for your loss and pain. Please know that you are not alone in what you are going through and that support is available. If you want to reach out to someone to talk with, who will listen without judging and can help you find healing and resolution, please visit our healing page. You might also find some of the articles on this men’s page helpful, along with a list of support resources for men.
Thank you. I’ve not come across any help for men and I understand that the loss for a women is greater. I’ve been with my partner for a year. Two months in to the relationship she said she was pregnant, yesterday we split up. I love her so very much. She did it because of me and I feel so guilty. She’s hurting so much but keeps it bottled up and then every now and again erupts. I wish I could help her,
Please read, and encourage her to read, our pages of resources for post-abortion healing. Many of the programs offer services for men, also. We also have a few articles specifically regarding men and abortion healing.
Some programs, like Rachel’s Vineyard, provide for couples to participate together on a weekend healing retreat. It sounds like you would be willing to walk that path with her. If so, maybe it would be helpful for both of you both to heal and also to see if there is a way to restore, rebuild and grow your relationship.
To my little bulhebamorena(beauty from GOD)
I fell in love with you my baby in my womb the first week i found out i was pregnant with you. Me and your dad were so scared, confused but what i could tell you is that we deeply and dearly loved you. Seeing you in my womb and hearing your highly beating heart just made me and your dad more happier and love you more. I have been praying to GOD to make my parents to accept you as i have. the moment i told my mother she turned you down insulted me and chase me out of her house to GO live with your dad. i was scared, afraid, let down by my own mother as she had many reasons why i could not keep you. those reason where about her but never our feelings as your parents were considered. Me and your dad are miserable right now and for the rest of our lives we will be cause we lost you. I love you so much you are always going to be part of me and your dad. As i am forced to abort you I PRAY TO GOD TO KEEP YOU FOR ME, PASS THE LOVE THAT ME AND YOUR DAD WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU. MY love for you describable! I am counting hours and minutes that you will not be part of me and it kills me spiritually, physically and emotionally.
WE LOVE YOU.
love mom and dad
bulhebamorena
I am so sorry to hear about the lack of support from your family which made you feel that abortion was your only choice. If you have not yet had an abortion, I urge you to find the support of those who want to be like mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers to you at a pregnancy help center. If you have already had an abortion, I urge you to reach out to a post-abortion healing ministry where you will receive understanding, support and guidance for both of you as you walk the path to healing and recovery.
I was deeply broken for the abortion I have done in my past. I really didn’t even felt wrong to do at that moment. Why? I really thought my problem/circumstance I was in was the most important than the life I took away. But, when I realized it after several years later, I deeply broken. That time, God reveled to me in my dream and ask me if I can give him that pain to take it away from me. What an awesome forgiveness. I prayed yes Lord take it away my pain. Immediately filled me with Holy Spirit which I didn’t even know while I was in a church for more than 20 years. After that the Lord started to teach me what is really right and wrong while we live in this earth related to life. I am a different person today. I can help you God forgive you like he did for me. I am not saying abortion is right. No! Forget past and do right for the rest of your life from now on. No condemnation! Receive forgiveness that Jesus died on the cross for us even before we were born.
But my family hates me after my abortion they supported me when I told them I’m pregnant but I live in the same house I could hear them gossip my step mother and step sister but my fiance and I sat down and made a decision to abort cause we were young and getting our careers in order and we were not ready to be parents. Yes it sounds selfish but it’s what I wanted. My fiance still prays to her so do I to forgive her (her, cause he wanted a girl) so does he pray to God to forgive him so do I but how to get my parents to forgive me. My sister said I broke our home so I must leave. God I need him to guide me
Hi Ella, thank you for posting. Being rejected by your family must be deeply painful for you and I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Your family is probably hurting too and this can sometimes come out in anger and resentment. It may take time for them to work through this and you all may need some support to help you do this. If anyone in your family is willing to talk things out with you I would suggest visiting our healing page and contacting one of the organizations listed there for support — most work with families as well as women who are hurting after abortion. Even if your family isn’t willing to do this yet, contacting a group might be helpful just for you and your boyfriend.
to my unborn child:
as i type this, i have a feeling of guilt that i feel ever single day. Baby if i could take that day back i swear i would. I regret not letting you live, not being able to hold you in my arms..kiss you goodnight and goodmorning… although that was a choice i let my family make for me, its still wrong… because i didnt speak up for you… i didnt say just how much you had changed me and you where not even there yet …. you have a space that NOBODY will ever fill my love.. its marked with your name on it, and yes you have a name.. Jordan Lee Ketchup… 🙁 mommy is sorry boo bear… and maybe if i can forgivve myself i will have the courage to ask god for forgiveness… I LOVE YOU baby, always will.. no matter who comes you will forever be my FIRST child.