Help & Healing

On this page, you’ll find information and resources for those who are seeking help after abortion.  If you are currently pregnant and considering an abortion, you can find pregnancy help here.

If you are in immediate distress and need to talk to someone right now, please call the 24 hour, national helpline for abortion recovery, toll-free, at 1-866-482-5433.  Someone is there to listen to you at every hour of every day.

Remember, you are not alone! Many others have experienced abortion and pregnancy-related injustices harm and heartbreak. Many others care about you and hope, help and healing are possible.

It may be a long journey.  Or, if you find the right help, you may find substantial help and healing in as little as a single weekend program.

But most important of all, please stay the course.   Don’t lose hope.  Don’t give up. Persevere until you find the kind of help that works for you.   There is so much help available.  There is no reason for you to continue to feel trapped by by your past or unrelenting grief.   Experienced, trained healers, most of whom have been exactly where you are today, are ready to help you.

So please keep reading on this page, or click on the links below for additional resources and information.

If you are pregnant, visit our pregnancy help page.

If you are being coerced or forced to abort by your parents, partner or someone else, you can find legal resources and help at The Center Against Forced Abortion.

To find a program near you, you can use this link to go straight to a list of healing programs, links, phone numbers

To share this information with someone you know, please look at our Help & Healing Booklet.  To learn more about what you can do to help them, read How to Help Others Booklet.

Find more articles related to healing.

You are not alone: a message from someone who’s been there

If you are in emotional or spiritual pain after abortion, there are resources and options available to you in your journey to renewed emotional and spiritual well-being.

You are not alone in what you have been feeling, and you don’t need to be alone and isolated as you recover. As you reach out for assistance, you will discover a community of compassionate, experienced men and women who will be able to offer skillful and significant help.

My prayers and encouragement are with you as you walk on this path of recovery. Others, including me, have walked it before you. We know that what once seemed impossible peace, forgiveness, restoration to a sense of wholeness, is indeed possible. However deep your trauma and your sense of pain and emotional turmoil, I encourage you to look forward to recovery with renewed hope and confidence. —Leslie Graves

There is hope: finding the right people and resources for you

If you are suffering after abortion, you may feel very alone. You may have experienced abortion many years ago and never told anyone. You may be struggling with a more recent abortion. You may have been denied the choice you wanted or the support you needed. Women’s experiences vary widely. For some, it was a decision they made and later came to regret; for most, it involved some for of coercion. For still others, it was forced by those in positions of authority or power. Regardless of the circumstances, healing is possible.

As you investigate the resources listed here, keep in mind that not every program is a good fit for every person. Please keep trying until you find a person or group where you are truly safe, comfortable and welcome. Bear in mind that any time you reflect back on a painful time in your life, you will most likely feel worse before you feel better, because you will be thinking and feeling more on a daily basis about what happened. That’s normal, and it’s one reason why support is so helpful on your journey.

However, some people may try a particular resource, and continue to be in a lot of pain, experience flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, or have behaviors that they dislike and want to stop but which are continuing. If that happens, you may be tempted to say, “It must be me, and I can never expect to truly experience peace and joy again. Because of what happened, I will always have to struggle with destructive thoughts and unhealthy behaviors.”  Don’t give up!

Please Keep Trying!

Many, many people have experienced complete healing of their post-abortion symptoms through one of these programs. You might want to read What does recovery feel like? if you are wondering whether more healing and recovery might be possible for you.

Types of Programs

Many options are available

When seeking support and healing for post-abortion trauma, one basic choice is between group support or one-on-one counseling.

If you’re not sure whether a group setting or an individual setting is a better fit for you at this time, go to Is group support the right choice? for a collection of comments about that, and Is one-on-one counseling for you? for comments about that.

Another choice is between in-person support (attending a weekend retreat, working with a therapist, a clergyperson or a peer counselor, or going to a weekly group) or online support (online chats, internet message boards, e-mail groups). Several organizations offer a combination of email or internet-based group support and in-person support.

See In-person or online support? for reflections on these options.

Another choice is between programs with a spiritual component and those without. Spiritual beliefs are personal and are often tied-in with how we look at abortion in general and our own experience with abortion in particular. It is not uncommon to feel that we are unacceptable to God if we have had an abortion, or to feel that abortion is “the unforgivable sin.” That pain is indeed hard to bear, and it is one reason that many, but not all, post-abortion groups have a spiritual basis. I indicate information about that with each listing.

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Basic Expectations When Choosing a Group.

What you have a right to expect from a therapist or group

1. Confidentiality. Your confidentiality and privacy should be strictly respected at all times, unless you are threatening harm to yourself or others. Also, no one should share the details of your story–even if no one would recognize that it is about you–with others without your explicit permission.

2. No pressure to “tell your story.” Because of wanting to reach out to those who still suffer, many people who have experienced post-abortion trauma do share their story with friends or in public. This is a very personal decision, with many, many factors that you will need to consider. If you indicate an interest in raising awareness through sharing your story, a good support group will encourage you to carefully discern what is truly best for you, and to take plenty of time in making this decision.

3. Prompt response. If you e-mail an organization, you should expect a response within 48 hours. If you call a hotline or therapist and get voicemail, you should get detailed information about when you can speak to someone in person. If you leave a message, you should get a call back within 48 hours.

4. No political component. The program should not include any political component at all. Because pro-life organizations such as the Catholic Church were inclined to believe that post-abortion syndrome exists, pro-life groups were and are very important in supporting post-abortion research and healing. By contrast, some pro-choice activists can feel threatened by the idea that abortion can hurt a woman emotionally or spiritually, and react in damaging and defensive ways to your pain. Bottom line: You may find help from a source you did not expect, but you should probably steer clear of any therapist, clergyperson or healing program that in any way will use or minimize your pain or vulnerability or tells you that you have to be pro-life or pro-choice to receive help or to heal.

5. Respect and professionalism. The program and the individuals involved with it should be nonjudgmental, respectful, and knowledgeable.

6.  Avoid “quick fixes” and “spiritual band-aids.” See this article for more information: www.nacronline.com/dox/library/daler/quick.shtml

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Be Wise When Seeking Wisdom

Advice from experts in post-abortion healing

Some words to the wise from Theresa Burke, PhD, founder of Rachel’s Vineyard and co-author with David Reardon of Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion:

“Post-abortion healing is a specialty unto itself. The average psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker or counselor of any other academic stripe who does not understand post-abortion issues can often inflict more harm than good on the unsuspecting woman. Many may believe they have enough insight to help, but unless they have had additional training, they often don’t. Certainly, if your thoughts and feelings become so overwhelming that you feel you can no longer cope, seek professional assistance immediately. But generally, I encourage you to take the time to find one of the growing number of professional therapists and experienced lay counselors who have received special training in post-abortion healing.”

Here is a longer excerpt from the book Forbidden Grief that is another word to the wise as you think about seeking help with any post-abortion issues you may be experiencing:

The interaction between therapists and women who have experienced abortion is obstructed by unspoken secrets, fears and political biases. It should be no surprise that because of their own psychological needs, many counselors simply don’t want to delve into the subject of abortion. If they do, some prefer to quickly reassure clients that they did the best thing and thereby close off any further expressions of grief. This occurs because many counselors have neglected to identify their own fears and anxieties that might be aroused by such conversations.

Many therapists have been involved in an abortion themselves. Others have encouraged clients to abort or have given their therapeutic ‘blessing’ to the abortion option for clients considering abortion. This is often done out of ignorance of the research that shows that women with prior psychological problems fare poorly after abortion…While some therapists may simply be ignorant of these undisputed findings, others simply ignore or disbelieve them for their own psychological or political reasons.

Once a counselor has encouraged or approved of an abortion for Patient A, he may become ‘invested’ in defending abortion. If he subsequently allows Patient B to delve into her post-abortion grief and associated pathologies, then the counselor may be forced to question his advice to Patient A. He may be instinctively wary of witnessing an intense post-abortion reaction because it may provoke his own sense of guilt in having given Patient A bad advice.

Julianne described her experience with her therapist this way:

After my abortion, I could not stop crying. I went to see the therapist who had encouraged me to have the abortion. I cried the whole time there. She sat across from me with a blank look on her face. She said nothing. During this session she was removed and distant-emotionally cold and withdrawn.

As I was leaving her office, she came up to me and said, “I don’t usually touch my patients, but you look like you need a hug.” She then proceeded to embrace my shoulders and offer a squeeze. I felt like I was being embraced by an evil presence. I shuddered at her touch. How dare she even come near me!  A hug!  I was sickened at the thought of such a trite expression-after having encouraged me to kill my own child!

Never a word of support for my motherhood!  Not an alternative plan, or a resource to help me. She knew I didn’t want another abortion. She told me to have a —— abortion because I would not be able to handle another baby.

Then she offered me a hug!

God, I miss my baby. That’s who I wanted to hug…my baby who is gone, whom I will never hold or cuddle.

If the therapist has personally had an abortion, a client’s confession of grief is quite likely to run into either a wall of denial or another quagmire of unsettled issues.

According to another of my clients, Hanna:

I thought I had put my own experiences behind me. I was totally unprepared for the onset of emotions evoked by hearing one of my clients talk about her abortion. There are times when I feel as though I have opened a Pandora’s box and my life will never be normal again. Memories I did not know existed have been surfacing at the most inopportune times. My sleeping hours are plagued by graphic nightmares. I vacillate between feeling in control and fully out of control. As a professional counselor, I struggle to find a bridge that will allow me to merge my professional expertise with my personal trauma. “Physician, heal thyself!” I do know that the time to reconcile this is now and that it is no accident. I have arrived at this particular fork in the road.

Fortunately, Hanna recognized her own symptoms that screamed for attention and decided to seek help. She was willing to deal with the trauma that she had for many years successfully pushed away but had never truly worked through.

(The above excerpt is from pages 60-61 of Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion, by Theresa Burke, Ph.D with David Reardon, Ph.D.)

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Is Group Support Right for You?

Some things to consider

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.”  -Helen Keller

“Mutual help groups are a powerful and constructive means for people to help themselves and each other. The basic dignity of each human being is expressed in his or her capacity to be involved in a reciprocal helping exchange. Out of this compassion comes cooperation. From this cooperation comes community.” – Phyllis Silverman, PhD, Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School, from Introduction to the Self-Help Sourcebook, 1995, p. 24

Research indicates that self-help groups can have a powerfully positive impact on us. In post-abortion healing, this would be found at a weekend retreat, a weekly bible study or recovery group, in a structured online group or in a more free-wheeling e-group.

Yet, entering into a group can be scary. Imagine going to a first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and saying for the first time outside the privacy of your own mind, “I am an alcoholic.”  Or even just going to the first practice of a sports team at your new high school, or any other new group setting.

It’s common to have many anxieties and fears about attending a weekend retreat or group support meetings. “Will my confidentiality truly be respected?”  “Even if people didn’t say anything harsh, will I witness fleeting facial expressions of condemnation and judgment, and experience even more shame?”  “What if I start crying and can’t stop?”  “Will I be the only one there with multiple abortions?”  The people who coordinate your particular support group probably experienced the very same fears at one point, and will be able to talk about them with you.

Besides abortion, you may have had other experiences in your life that cause you to experience other people as damaging and untrustworthy.  Meeting others in groups is a chance to experience people who are safe and trustworthy. If you have had bad experiences with people, it can feel risky. The rewards can be as great as the risk.

Click here for a website with many quotes about the advantages of mutual self-help groups.

Jilly, who offers online support through her own PASS website, wrote this about the value of group support:

I run one every three months, and it is a ‘private’ board on the message  board system, so the group meeting for the experience has a private board and private chat room. It seems that of the women who start, usually about 30 percent end up dropping out…either they find they aren’t ready for it yet, or real life things come round and take up their spare time and they don’t have the time to do itt—;but for those who stay in, it seems to be a very binding and healing experience. The women who do the group tend to ‘stick together’ on the main boards afterwards, and end up becoming ‘phone friends’ and even get together in real life now and then.. It seems to be a very good way for women to start healing.

Theresa Burke of Rachel’s Vineyard (www.rachelsvineyard.org) shares her thoughts on the value of a group support experience in Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion:

The profound healing that Michelle experienced was new to her, but not to me. I have been privileged to witness literally thousands of such transforming moments, when the labor of grief ends in the birth of a new, restored woman. It as though an emotional key turns, simultaneously releasing all the muck and grime and weight of past abortions while opening a door to a fresh new future…Tears of sorrow are mixed with tears of joy as women and men experience their first taste of freedom after years of cruel bondage.

But such healing can only happen when the isolation and secrecy are dismantled, and one’s story is revealed to others who do not seek to judge or condemn. Only then is it finally possible, with the support of a small community of others who compassionately affirm the loss and respect the grief, to grieve one’s losses to their fullness. The importance of social support to the grief process reflects an important aspect of our human nature. Though we are individuals, we are inescapably social beings. The lack of social support will degrade or destroy our well-being. Conversely, the experience of social support, in even a single relationship, can strengthen our well-being.

For most of us, it is only when we have the support of others who will not judge or condemn us that we feel safe from social rejection. This support makes it easier for us to confront and explore the deepest part of our souls. With it, one learns how to accept forgiveness from God and one’s aborted child. With it, one learns how to extend forgiveness to oneself and others. And with it, one discovers how the most difficult, soul-breaking experiences imaginable can be used as the foundation for building a richer, deeper, and more meaningful existence.

From p. 246 of Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion

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Is one-on-one help best for you?

Considering what’s right for you in your journey

One-on-one support and therapy as you begin to heal from post-abortion trauma could come in several forms. You could seek help:

  • from a mental health professional (a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, social worker, or other mental health clinician).
  • from a clergyperson
  • from a peer-counselor who will most likely use a recovery approach such as “Forgiven and Set Free”,  “My Guilt, Grief and Shame are Ending Soon,” the PACE program or “Her Choice to Heal”, and meet with you one-on-one for a period of weeks at a time convenient to both of you. (Generally, these sessions will be free or have a very low cost.)
  • Individual email counseling through a number of different online sites that offer it.

Advantages of one-on-one counseling include:

  • Flexible scheduling
  • Ability to tailor sessions to your particular issues
  • Privacy

Here is an excerpt from a comment made by someone who participated in one-on-one sessions with a peer counselor from Victims of Choice:

My 10 counseling sessions have ended with my lay counselor from Victims Of Choice (VOC), and I wanted to write and thank you for this life changing experience.

I learned of the VOC Ministry when you led a workshop at our church. I attended it because I was curious about a ministry dealing with men and women who have had abortions. Although I considered myself a committed Christian and had known the Lord for 15 years, I evaded the issue with Him that I too had had an abortion 25 years ago. I knew abortion was wrong and for years I had conditioned myself not to think about it. I told no one about my abortion – struggling to stay in denial even to myself.

The abortion experience itself is very traumatic for a woman to endure. I learned that years of sleepless nights and other phobias were directly related to my abortion. My low self-esteem was mostly due to the tremendous guilt…hidden deep in my heart so no one could see what an awful thing I had done.

But our wonderful God loved me too much to allow me to be in bondage to this buried sin. I clung to Isaiah 50:7 that says the Lord God will help us. I would set my face like a flint and ask Him to help me get over being so ashamed.

After the workshop, I contacted VOC and made an appointment with a lay counselor. I really appreciated the discreet way in which I was treated. This very special person helped me to feel God’s cleansing, healing and forgiving love!”

Here is a web ink that offers advice on finding a compatible therapist: www.nacronline.com/dox/gethelp/therapy.shtmll

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In-person or online support?

In-person support for post-abortion healing would either be on a weekend retreat, one-on-one counseling with a therapist, clergyperson or lay facilitator, or a weekly support group.

On-line support would be through a message board, e-group, online recovery group, scheduled or spontaneous online chats, or email.

If you’re reading this, you’re already experiencing one of the many benefits of the internet:   Quick, fast, information on a targeted subject of interest to you, entirely at your own convenience, and with complete anonymity.

Ever since the Internet came along, people have wondered how “the online experience” stacks up against face-to-face experiences. Therapists wonder whether online therapy can be effective, Catholics wonder what it means to pray before the  Blessed Sacrament that is displayed on a webpage, young lovers wonder if it is “real” love if you only know the person online.

I would guess that for most people, as they journey toward healing, face-to-face contact will end up being very important at some point. Online support, however, has great strengths. For most people, it is not an either/or choice (either in-person or online support) but a both/and choice (both in-person and online support).

Jilly from the PASS website notes that participants on those message boards have shared these perspectives on the online experience:

  • Convenience – the ease of being able to ‘communicate’ and discuss this on their computer, in the privacy of their own home, at times that are convenient for them.
  • Privacy – the anonymity of using a computer and not having to talk face to face right away about what was and is for some a totally upsetting and incredibly painful issue.
  • Safety – they like not having to use their real name, and be private.
  • Ease – Also for many women it is easier to type things then to write them, especially when it comes to this issue!

I think there’s still much to be gained from an in-person hug, and an in-person group, but if there isn’t one in a woman’s area, or she is not ready for the step of going out into ‘public’ with this, an online group is invaluable!  My online groups have had women from the US, Canada, Mexico, Australia, England,  Ireland, Sweden, Italy, Soviet Georgia, France and Germany in them – this just wouldn’t be possible with an in-person group!

Click here to jump to a list of groups and post-abortion healing resources that you can access online.

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What does recovery feel like?

You will reach a turning point

Almost anyone who has had a lot of recovery and healing from traumatic experiences and loss will tell you that you never stop healing this side of Heaven. Yet, for many people a turning point comes when they can say, “I am not in that black hole any longer.”    It’s like falling in love…when it happens, you’ll know.

Please keep trying!

Until you find a compassionate therapist or program that works for you

If you have tried a particular therapist or support group, and you still regularly experience one or more of these symptoms in relation to abortion:

  • Flashbacks or nightmares
  • Compulsive thoughts and feelings that started after the abortion
  • Suicidal thoughts or feelings
  • Depression or anxiety
  • Lack of attachment to your children
  • Self-hatred
  • Shame
  • Social isolation
  • Relationship difficulties
  • Compulsive or addictive behaviors that started after abortion

Then I would urge you to try a different program or therapist. As they say in 12-step programs, “You’re not a failure until you fail to try.”  Here’s a link to a good article on reaching out for help.

Here are more articles related to healing.

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Organizations, resources, and links

Please note: The services offered by help/healing groups are confidential and, in many cases, free. Inclusion in this list should not be taken as an endorsement of any group’s programs or philosophy.

Use your best judgment and discretion as you investigate these links. If you are experiencing shame or guilt because of abortion, and have a negative experience with a particular group, you may believe that is what you deserve. It isn’t. What you deserve is respect, a nonjudgmental attitude, and effective assistance as you heal. If one person or organization isn’t right for you, another one will be.

Abortion Recovery Network
National hotline at 657-464-7071

A network of ministries that provides information and counseling for those suffering after abortion. Their web site helps locate post-abortion ministries both in the U.S. and internationally. Also provides help to men, family members, medical personnel and those in prison who have been affected by abortion.

Lumina: Hope and Healing After Abortion
National toll-free hotline at 1-877-586-4621 or email lumina@postabortionhelp.org

A post-abortion referral network that offers group programs, retreats for women and men, referrals to professional therapists, post-abortion ministries, and clergy members trained in post abortion stress. A network of women and men who have walked through the pain of abortion are also ready to accompany you through the darkness, into the joy of a renewed life.

National Helpline for Abortion Recovery
National toll-free hotline at 1-866-482-LIFE (1-866-482-5433)

24 / 7 confidential care helpline for women, men and families struggling after abortion. Calls are answered by trained phone consultants who have themselves experienced abortion and want to help others find healing. They can help you find the support group nearest you. A directory of local support groups, searchable by zip code, is available on the organization’s web site.

Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries
National toll-free hotline at 1-877-HOPE-4-ME (1-877-467-3463)
Email support
Ask an expert about healing / online Q&A

Rachel’s Vineyard weekends for healing after abortion are offered throughout the year in locations across the United States and Canada, with additional sites around the world. Retreats are open to married couples, mothers, fathers, grandparents and siblings of aborted children, as well as persons who have been involved in the abortion industry.  They also offer support through email.

Rachel’s Vineyard has a monthly e-newsletter, “Vine and Branches,” which is archived on their website and available on request. It has various aftercare resources including an email newsletter called “Oaktrees,” and offers individual email support through the website.

Rachel’s Vineyard has had an annual national Leadership Conference since 2000 and also offers one-day clinical trainings throughout the country. It hosts a very active e-group for mental health professionals and laypeople who serve on retreat teams, or are planning to offer the retreat.

Ramah International
Sydna Masse, Director; phone (941) 473-2188.

This Christian group supports post-ab ortion ministry through training programs, resources, research and promoting awareness of post-abortion issues. Director Sydna Masse is the author of the recovery book, “Her Choice to Heal”. Sydna has also created a leader’s guide so that “Her Choice to Heal” can be used as the basis for in-person weekly recovery groups.

Ramah International has a newsletter, various additional resources, and can be used as a point of referral to weekly recovery groups around the country. You can also find e-mail support through the Ramah website.

Project Rachel / EsperanzaPosaborto.org (Spanish site)
National toll-free hotline at 1-888-456-HOPE (4673)

Project Rachel Ministry is the Catholic Church’s diocesan-based ministry to those suffering in the aftermath of abortion. Confidential and non-judgmental help is available for all who seek God’s mercy, healing and love.

Local Pregnancy Center Based Support Groups

Some Pregnancy Resource Centers (PRCs) and Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPCs) host post-abortion support groups. These groups typically meet weekly for a period of anywhere from 8 to 16 weeks, and use a variety of recovery guides, including “Forgiven and Set Free”, “Her Choice to Heal”, PACE (Post-Abortion Counseling and Education), the Rachel’s Vineyard weekly support model, or the “My Guilt, Grief and Shame are Ending Soon” program.

To find out if there is a PRC or CPC offering post-abortion help in your area, check with the following groups:

Option Line
1-800-712-HELP (4357) or text HELPLINE to 313131
www.optionline.org

Live Chat with the Helpline

Healing After
www.healingafter.com

 

Canadian Organizations Offering Post-Abortion Counseling

Canadian Association of Pregnancy Support Services
1-866-845-2151 (MST)

Project Rachel Affiliates in Canada
Provides support with trained clergy and counselors, retreats and support groups.

Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries
Rachel’s Vineyard weekends for healing after abortion are offered throughout the year in locations across the United States and Canada, with additional sites around the world. Retreats are open to married couples, mothers, fathers, grandparents and siblings of aborted children, as well as persons who have been involved in the abortion industry. They also offer support through email.


Groups Offering Online Support

Abortion Changes You
A website giving women, men, family members and others involved in abortion a safe place to share their experiences in a confidential and neutral environment. Includes articles, information and resources on coping with abortion and resolving the experience, along with links to local support and counseling groups.

Rachel’s Vineyard
Rachel’s Vineyard has numerous volunteers who can answer any questions you may have through confidential e-mail. Some have experienced abortion and healing, others are counselors trained in post-abortion healing or women who run retreat teams.

Kala’s Group
An online community with an intimate feel. Kala’s Group hosts message boards, and scheduled chats. It also has a memorials page.

My Healing Choice
A free online course and workbook for post-abortion healing.  There is one version for women and a second version for men.

Lifecall: Getting the Help You Need
Informative webpage by Teri Reisser, author of “A Solitary Sorrow,” a self-help book and Bible study for healing after abortion. This page includes streaming audio presentations.

Independent Email Support Groups at Yahoo Groups
In addition to e-groups sponsored through some of the sites listed above, there are a number of independent post-abortion e-groups, most of just people wanting to offer support to each other. It is free and easy to create an e-group through Yahoo Groups. Anyone with an email address can do it. Here’s a link that takes you to the Yahoo index for these groups. Note that we have not vetted any of these groups, so you will need to check them out to see if they are helpful.

Note: This is not a comprehensive list. While we try to keep this list updated, omissions and errors may occur. Send additions and corrections to elliotinstitute@gmail.com


Comments

Help & Healing — 217 Comments

  1. Dear Em,
    My heart goes out to you. I work with women who have had abortions so I have some idea of what you are going through. Yours is a difficult situation where nobody in your family supports you. I have contacted a number of local groups that are praying you will find a solution. In your note you said “I know I won’t be able to live with myself if I do this.” I believe this is an important point that should help you cancel the abortion and rely on the prayers being offered for you and your family that your situation will turn around for the best and you will be able to hold both of your beautiful children in your loving embrace. May our Lord Jesus and His Blessed Mother smile on you and your family and present that solution that you so desperately want.

  2. It’s hard to trust that God will help you in the right way and at the right time, but He certainly will. Find a pregnancy center or supportive church who can help guide you and support you. God wants to bless you with this baby, please let Him.

  3. Hi Em,
    As a woman who has aborted and who regrets that decision every single day of my life, I urge you to never even step foot inside any facility that will abort your unborn child. As much as you love your two year old, that is how much you love your unborn child, even if you haven’t met them yet. Your unborn child is a sibling for your two year old! You have a child worth protecting inside of you! You can be a strong mother and I promise you any other concerns or fears are nothing compared to what will happen if you take the life of your own child! I know from experience and I wish I could take it back every day. I’m praying for you for strength and support! Much love to you.

  4. Hello Em,
    Not being physically able to give you a big hug, sit down with you and pray for you, your baby and your 2 year old, let me just say, I’m hugging you in my heart and praying that our most gracious God can make a way when there seemingly is no way! You did not make any mention of your beliefs or of God …so not sure if you get this, but if I were sitting right there with you, I’d share the truths of God’s word, the bible, with you and encourage you to seek Him and have faith that He is able to work out all things as we surrender to Him. For example, Mary, who was Jesus Christ’s (the Savior of all mankind) mother, was but a teen and her circumstances were seemingly impossible for the time she lived, and as she carried Jesus in her womb, being unwed and all. In the bible, the book of John we are told that with man what is impossible is possible with God, for those who believe and are His. This means when we go to God humbly, turn from our sins and ask Jesus to be our Lord, we then can have access to God, as He has given us the ability to be in a right relationship with Him, through Christ’s sacrifice. I have read so many of the wonderful responses to your letter, cry for help, and am encouraged by knowing you have many people praying for you now but it is up to you to respond and make some new and different decisions, than you have been making, so that your life can get on the track that leads you into the loving arms of Jesus and you can live out the plan and purpose God created you for. So much more I’d love to say to you but for now, I too pray for you and hope you can seek out someone who knows God and is a Christian and can help you find God’s will in your current circumstance and your life. The Lord Bless and Keep you!

  5. So grateful that you have reached out for help. You are a brave and courageous woman. We can sense the despair and confusion that you are feeling.Would you please consider a free, confidential counseling with one of our peer counselors. Often times when we process a crisis with another person we are able to see the situation through a different lense. We are here to serve you. Please call us at 410-391-3911. We we are praying for you.

  6. Dear Em, You do not have to decide right away. Give yourself time and follow your heart. Yes you will live with terrible regret over the abortion. I have worked in post abortion recovery for over 20 yrs. It is not worth the pain. There are folks out there to help you. Life is always the right choice. Your life, your 2 yr olds, your new baby! Do not listen to those who will prosper at your expense. You can do this, one step at a time, with God’s love, and He will provide!
    Pat

  7. Dear Em,

    We are praying for you. God loves you and your children. He will take care of you. He does not give us anything we can’t handle. He will help you turn this around by giving you more love. I pray that you will be able to say ‘yes’ to His love. Along with the Coalition for Life, Embrace Grace is another group that offers love and help to pregnant mothers in need of support. Maybe there is one in your area.
    God bless!

  8. God is good and full of compassion and mercy. Call on Him now. Invite Him into your situation. Right now! He will answer you. Wait on Him. I am standing with you, praying with you. Do not give up hope. Your instincts for life are right. Call 563-332-0475 and ask for Pam or Vicki. Courage!

  9. Em, I like Sharon’s answer. If they ask you who the father is, just tell them, “I can’t tell you.” You are not required to testify against yourself. Leave the father’s name off the birth certificate. We all think that if we lie, then we disobey God’s commandment, “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.” But this is quite specific about it being AGAINST your neighbor. There are several places in the Bible where God REWARDED someone for lying to PROTECT a human life. When the Egyptians demanded that all newborn boys be killed, the midwives lied and said they were born too fast, and God rewarded them with households. When Rahab, the harlot, lied about Israeli spies hiding in her home, and then let them escape, so they would not be taken captive and harmed, God rewarded her and placed her in the lineage of Jesus. Telling them you don’t know who the father is would be the right thing to do. It is protecting your baby and your family. PRACTICE. You have plenty of time to do this. If your parents and the father think the baby is his, start telling them that you don’t know who the father is, even though it will make you look bad in their eyes. I will pray for you. It is a terrible situation, but God can do anything, and I pray that He will find a way for you to spare your baby’s life and keep your family together. I love you and your children because Jesus first loved me. Keep your baby safe!

    I can vouch for the Texas Justice Foundation. So please contact them. They can do the legal things necessary to fight this vicious order for your probation.

  10. Dear Em,

    I have been praying for you and your baby. You are the object of my prayer: Jesus, Mary and Joseph I love you very much. I beg you to spare the life of the unborn baby that I have spiritually adopted and who is in danger of abortion.

  11. Dear Em,
    I know how hard this must be for you, but you will never regret having this baby no matter what the cost. You will regret you abortion, believe me, I’ve been there. I can never forget mine and it is so hard to heal. The good Lord will look out for you if you do the right thing, I promise you. It is inhuman to make you get an abortion to stay out of jail and you must find a good lawyer to help you if that is the case.
    I will pray for you,
    Caren

  12. Dear Em. Trust in God even if you have messed up. Defend human life as no matter what, it is God’s child. God will defend you for it.

  13. Dear Em,

    You don’t have to do this. You have a choice, and there are many resources that will help you choose what you want to do — allow your baby to live. If you haven’t already done so, please contact Amy and/or the resources she and others have provided. And know that I’m praying for you — it’s a privilege to do so! Thank you so much for reaching out. May God continue to bless you,

    Kelly

  14. Dear Em, I join my prayers with many others for you. I am trusting God to make a way for you, your 2 yr old and your unborn child. You do not have to list the father or tell anyone who the father is. I urge you to cry out to Jesus! With love and prayers for you and your two children.

  15. HiEm,
    I am a former director of a crisis pregnancy center and a founder and leader of a post abortion ministry. I can tell you without a doubt that God is speaking to your heart regarding protecting the life of your unborn baby. I encourage you to
    consider that ending your child’s life is an action that, once done, can never be reversed and which carries the weight of eternal consequences. Breaking the rules of probation, jail time, or even loss of custody of a child are temporary conditions that may or may not happen and which do not carry eternal consequences. When making your decision about aborting your child it is crucial for your own spiritual, emotional, mental and relational health to consider the eternal impact for yourself and your unborn child as well as for your relationships with God and your other child and your loved ones. I pray that God will send His Spirit and His angels to help you not only to make the very best decision but also to guide, direct, and provide for you after your decision is made. God bless you.

  16. I see that many of the posters are praying for you regarding your decision and your complicated situation. I also am praying for you. I contacted the Divine Mercy Prayer Line and asked for prayers for you, your 2 y/o and of course your unborn baby and very urgent situation. I wanted you to know that you have an entire team of prayer warriors who are praying for you, your unborn child and your 2y/o right now and will continue to pray. Know that you are not alone, despite what you are experiencing now. Your prayer for help is not going unheeded. God hears you and nothing is impossible with God. Trusting God is the way to His many graces and the help you need now. Divine Mercy inspiring hope against all hope, I trust in You!

  17. Dear Em,
    You are not alone. Many of us care about you and the difficult situation you are in. Even though it looks bleak, there is help for you. You do NOT have to have an abortion tomorrow. You owe it to yourself and your baby to take the time to check out the options that others have shared in the above posts. Please do not rush into an abortion. An abortion is final and can’t be reversed once it is done.

    When we do what we know in our heart is right, God helps us. He can do miracles that we can’t even dream of when we rely upon Him. Please listen to your heart, which is actually God speaking to you.

    I am praying for you.

    Karen

  18. Dear Em, please keep your baby. You will never regret it. I am praying for you, your baby, your mom and dad and the baby’s father. There is help for you.

  19. My dear sister in Christ! Please stand firm in knowing and believing that there is nothing our Lord can’t do for us. Jesus loves you and your children. The giants we face in our lives are but toy soldiers that have not seen the wingspan of the warrior angels our Lord God sends to protect and guide us. May the Lord Jesus Christ immerse you and your unborn child in his love.

  20. Oh, dear Em, I am in tears right now thinking of your suffering. Believe me, there are SO MANY people out there who are ready to do everything for you. They’ll offer you a place to live; they’ll get you medical support; they’ll find a lawyer to help you with your legal problem.
    Please, please, contact the people who have been recommended to you on this forum!

    Praying for you!

  21. Dear Em, God cares and there are people who will help you. Keep the precious life and seek a church that will help you. Don’t give in to people forcing you to take this little life.
    You are not alone. I will pray for you today. L

  22. Dear Em,

    I hate to say this, but I worry that the baby’s father feels it would be best for HIM if you aborted. He may be trying to frame this as if it would be “best” for you, but I suspect that’s not really who he’s worried about. I can’t give any legal advice, but if I were in your situation, I would follow your initial instincts and just not put the father on the birth certificate. I think you – and your baby – will be fine.

    I believe you were drawn to post to this board for a reason! Know that you are the only one right now who can protect your little one. There is no one else but you with that power. Someday, you’ll look back at this time and be SO grateful that you didn’t listen to the voices around you encouraging you to abort and instead listened to your heart.

    I almost aborted my first son. I, like you, know that I could not have lived with myself if I had done that. My son is now nearly 38 years old and has two little ones of his own! At the time I was pregnant, his father also wanted me to abort. But, thank goodness I didn’t listen to him and instead followed my own heart. Another group I’d encourage you to contact is Birthright. It’s a wonderful group. They helped me immensely.

    I’ll be praying for you. Hang in there.

    Sharon

    • Oh, Em… no one is going to argue that you are in a very rough spot! Certainly am praying for you and your two God-given children. It is so obvious that you love them both, and fear losing them! What a great maternal instinct you have! So not let yourself be derailed.

      In His love…

  23. Em I will pray for you, your 2 yr old and your unborn child. I hope you find help and God will see you through what is to come. I was a single mother for 20 plus years and know the struggles. I am believing God will provide you with an answer, in the meantime I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are in others prayers and thought. God Bless and keep you.

  24. Hello Em,
    I am so sorry you feel caught in this trap and this crisis but you don’t want to replace one set of problems with another much worse one. You might not be able to look after your two year old if you are traumatised and suffer grief.
    The real problem is not this pregnancy but other ongoing issues such as lack of proper love and support and so, overcome with loneliness and tiredness you have become involved with a man who has not been terribly thoughtful towards you.
    This is not a way out, although you may feel it is. You are probably more resourceful and have more strength than you realise. You just need to release it. Protect yourself, don’t go to the clinic. What would you do if there were no clinics. Turn to people who truly have your interests at heart. A Church or pregnancy centre. I wish you well.

  25. Em, go to Human Coalition online and they will find the help you need that is close by.
    You are going to find good help. Love and prayer, Jo

  26. I am praying for you. I understand being in a horrible situation. I also had all my support (my parents) telling me they wouldn’t help me if I kept the baby. I was 17 years old and this was in 1972. I have struggled for decades with depression, alcoholism, breast cancer scares. I lost 2 pregnancies and the two children I gave birth to were very low birth weight and I had complications. If I could go back in time, I’d never choose abortion. It has so interfered with my life. I know what you are going thru is hard, but the consequences of abortion are cruel and lasting. I promise I am on my knees praying for you right now.

  27. Em, I am far away but praying that God will provide a way through this difficult time. You are sooo honest about your love for your 2 year old and now this baby… You know the truth that your Mom and the boyfriend don’t understand… I made the terrible decision to abort my little child years ago … You do not have to go to that appointment … God is there to help in ways you need. Love and prayers,
    Jo

  28. I’m in a terrible place right now, I don’t know if anyone will reply in time, but I need help. I have an abortion scheduled tomorrow, but I don’t want to go through with it even though there’s really nothing in my corner to keep my baby. I’m 6 weeks, and I already have a son who’s about to turn two. I was put on probation with one of the terms being a no contact order with my two year olds father, and he is the one who got me pregnant now again. I am afraid if I keep the baby, there will no way of getting around my probation officer finding out, and me going to jail or prison for breaking the no contact order. I was thinking I wouldn’t put the father on the birth certificate but he said they’d prob still find out, so I fear losing my two year old for going to jail, then when I give birth losing that baby as well. I don’t know what to do, but I also feel if I go through with the abortion tomorrow I will regret it and my son I already have I will lose because I will not be able to cope with this loss. I have no support I’m living with my mom who says I have to get the abortion, the father already gave me the money for it. But I know I won’t be able to live with myself if I do this, even though I love my two year old more than words can describe, and hate myself for even getting myself in this position in the first place. I don’t know if anyone will see this in time, and I know this was a lot but I thought it was worth a shot to try to reach out, as I’m in a very messed up place right now.

    • Hello Em,

      I hope it is not too late to reach you. Please, please reach out to someone for help. It sounds like you are in a really hard place and about to do something you don’t want to do because you feel forced to do it. I don’t know where you are located, but there are people who can help you. I can’t speak to the legal issues of your case, but please don’t make a decision until you have talked to someone about this.

      What I think you should do right now is contact the Center Against Forced Abortions, which is located in Texas. They are attached to a legal group called the Justice Foundation, and I hope will be able to advise you about your situation. Here is their contact info:

      Phone: 210-614-7157
      Email: info@txjf.org

      Their web site is http://www.txjf.org/. The section on the Center Against Forced Abortions appears to be down, but this is a very reputable group and they should be able to help.

      You can also contact a crisis pregnancy center in your area for local help. Option Line has centers across the country — please get in touch with them! You can go to the site to live chat, call them at 1-800-712-4357 or text HELPLINE to 313131.

      Even if you are at the clinic right now, or have already had the abortion, please contact them as they can give you help regardless.

      You can also call me at 217-525-8202 if you just want someone to talk with. I’m not a counselor and you still should definitely call one or both of the groups I mentioned, but I’d be happy to talk if you want. Even if you have already gone through with it, I’d still be happy to talk with you.

      If you haven’t yet gone through with it, please know that there is no situation so bad it can’t be made better in one way or another. Don’t do something you don’t want to because you feel trapped — if you know right now that you are going to regret it, then you likely will. You need to make sure you have good information regarding your legal position, resources available for you and your baby, help with your parole issue and your other child, etc. You should not have to have an abortion because of this. Please reach out for help!

      • Hello Em,
        Please take Amy’s excellent advice. I have prayed for you and I know that there’s Hope in this situation. Reach out to those who have the resources available to help you make the wise decision to give your baby a chance at life. Know this…God’s not mad at you, He Loves you!

    • Hi Em,
      I’m praying for you right now. Know that you are not alone. God loves you and your unborn Baby. Please, know He won’t let you and your Baby down.

      • Em,

        I am so sorry you are in such a difficult spot. You love your children and that is what is so good and honorable about you! Thank you for seeking out help! You are a loving Mother and your children are blessed to have you! Please call 1-800-579-6626, they will put you in touch with a pregnancy resource center to help you. You are carrying God’s most precious gift to you and you were chosen to be the Mother of this little one, and you always will be this child’s Mother even if you should decide to place this little one up for adoption. God Bless you and Keep you! I am praying for you, your son, your little one and for wisdom for you and probation officer.

    • While it is unbelievably scary to defy your Mom and boyfriend and probation officer in order to love your unborn baby and give your baby life—-God can DO this with your cooperation! He is The God of Surprises, if He is with you, no one can be against you. He is one man who will never, ever abandon you. He is one man who always keeps his promises. He is a sure bet.

      If you cast yourself into His care, and chose life, you will never, ever, regret it. Ever. If you chose the lie the world is telling you, and your (Fail) support systems (your Mom & boyfriend, +Jesus please forgive them, they don’t know what they do!+) you will regret it for the rest of your life.

      Please, give Our Awesome God, the God of Surprises, a chance. Cast yourself into His care, physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. He will move mountains as long as you bind yourself to Him and Trust Him–especially when all hope seems lost.

      I am praying for you & your beautiful children and your family. I wish I could do more. You can DO it! You are stronger than you know! You are a Hero! God bless you! Please read what the Lord promises below, than cancel that appt.

      Jeremiah 29:11-14New International Version (NIV)

      11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

    • We’re praying for you up here in Canada. I know there are people who will do anything to help you. I hope you feel valued and love for the immense treasure that you are.

    • Dear Em,
      It looks like Amy has given you excellent advice in regards to the legal aspect of your situation. I just wanted to add that it looks like you have two options:
      1) you have the abortion, giving into hopelessness, and suffer a lifetime of regret, lack of self-esteem and remorse for your lost child or
      2) Initiate an aggressive strategy of saving your child no matter what, you may have to suffer some short term consequences, but it’s not for a lifetime, and you will forever feel grateful and proud of yourself for fighting tooth and nail to save your child.
      If you choose #2, and have periodic panic attacks, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over again. The brain is an amazing thing, especially when you control it, instead of it controlling you. I’m praying for you.

    • Where are you at? We can help you find local resources that should be able to assist you.

      My opinion: Your probation officer is probably looking to see some changes in your character – a move away from deception and selfishness to honesty and selflessness. Not knowing the reasons for the no contact order, though….

      I an tell you from being post-abortive myself, and working with hundreds of post abortive women, whatever you are facing in terms of legal consequences (which may not be as bad as you think) are not going to be significant when compared to the anguish you will feel for the rest of your life is you go through with the abortion. No matter what you tell yourself now to have the abortion, the truth you will be unable to dodge for the rest of your life, no matter how hard you try, will be “I killed my baby to stay out of jail.”

      You baby has arms, legs, toes, fingers… She’s had a heartbeat for most of her life already (since about three weeks). You want to know what she looks like right now?

      http://www.ehd.org/movies.php?mov_id=35

      We’ll do everything we can to help you, but you have to be brave enough to face your situation and put your babies first. That means keeping them alive.

    • Dear Em,
      My prayers are with you. You are not alone. God is with you right now and always.
      “All things work for good for those who love God.” Just keep your eyes on Him. TRUST Him.

    • Hello, Em:

      I don’t know if I can add much to this overwhelming support you’re getting here, but it shows you that you are not alone and that there is help. You certainly are in a really rough situation, but there is much help available. There are places where you can get help, love, support, counseling, maternity clothes, baby clothes, baby supplies, an ultrasound, social service and doctor referrals, and more. These services are usually free of charge to you. They’ll even talk to the important people in your life. Sometimes, they will use what are called “mobile medical units” to drive you to the center. You can easily access a local pregnancy resource center in your area.

      You can call this number toll-free, 24/7: 1-800-712-HELP (4357). You can text “Helpline” to 313131. Or you can get on this website and enter your zip code to locate a center in your area: http://optionline.org/center-locator. And they have a chat feature on this site!

      You can visit https://www.care-net/find-a-pregnancy-center, entering your zip code on the bottom left of the webpage.

      You can visit a website devoted exclusively to pregnant girls or women in crisis: https://www.standupgirl.com. They have a chat feature and a forum. You also can text PREGNANT to 313131.

      You may have a Birthright Chapter in your area. You can call them toll-free, 24/7: 1-800-550-4900.

      Need housing to get away from your mom’s pressure to abort? Text SHELTER to 313131. You can call 1-800-NO-ABORT (662-2678).

      And, my dear friend, even if their pressure succeeds, you can even get help for your pregnancy loss, even if it is due to abortion.

      Call: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

      Call: 1-866-469-7326.

      http://hopeafterabortion.com has lots of resources.

      Praying for you, your baby, and those in your life!

    • Hi Em,

      I don’t know if you are seeing any of the responses people have posted on here for you. Please know that there are many people who want to help — you still have time to reach out to any of the groups or people offering resources here. This is not a decision you have to make right away, no matter what anyone says. Take time to get all the information, find out what resources and help are available and about ALL your options. Your situation — both your legal and family — may not be as bad as you think. You will definitely regret it if you find out later that you had more options than you realized.

      You may feel that you need to do what those around you are telling you — being without support can feel like a very dark place. Whatever you need — housing, legal help, emotional support, financial, medical care, anything — we will try to put you in touch with someone who can give you that. All the groups mentioned offer free, confidential and non-judgemental help. Please don’t feel like you have to do this alone and violate what you really want and know in your heart because of what other people are pushing you to do. Know that we care, are praying for you and want to help.

    • Dear Em,

      I’m so sorry things are so rough right now. But things will be better for you with both your little ones together!

      People break probation all the time! And keep on breaking probation! A lot of times people just get a little more probation. It would be better to be honest with your probation officer and ask for mercy. It’s not your baby’s fault – you know that.

      For good, free guidance on the probation issue, I’d call the Justice Foundation (210-614-7157) or the Thomas More Law Center (734-827-2001).

      And for pregnancy help and resources, call Option Line at 1-800-712-4357 or text HELPLINE to 313131.

      I’m sorry your mom and the baby’s father are pushing you toward abortion.

      Just pause on everything. You don’t need to go anywhere tomorrow.

      I will help. Things will be okay!

      If you want to talk, call me at 202-669-8882. And together we’ll connect to people and places that help.

      Patricia Freeman

    • Em, what an amazing brave woman you are. Your thoughts are for your beautiful little son, and this coming baby. You are right when you say if you remove this precious baby from your life, that your coping skills will suffer greatly. Know that you are loved by all of us out here in the cyberspace of the internet. We care about you and your situation and we are praying for you to stay strong and have this baby.
      Abortion never fixes a problem, it just make you the mother of a baby no longer with you. We are beseeching God on your behalf to help you in this situation. It doesn’t matter if you believe in God, God believes in YOU. He created you because He love you and He will help you.
      Lord, we ask you to bless Em today. Give her the grace, strength and courage to birth this precious child You have sent her. Put Angels in her path to gently guide and lead her to a life-giving solution. Put Angels before her to walk her away from her troubled past and into a bright and beautiful, safe and happy future. We know You can do this, Lord, and we call on You on Em’s behalf. We ask this through Jesus Christ Your Son. Amen.
      We love you, Em. Stay strong! Be blessed. God loves you. xox

  29. I have tried calling those nomber but it seems as if the is a problem can you pls give me the direct line so that i can call them

    • Hi Noni, sorry you are having trouble. The Rachel’s Vineyard hotline number is 1-877-467-3463. You can also visit the Option Line page to find a center in your area that can offer counseling. If you don’t want to call yet, you can chat with a counselor on that page or text “HELPLINE” to 313131.

      I didn’t think to ask, but most of the groups on this page are in the United States. So if you are outside the U.S., please send me an email at elliotinstitute@gmail.com and I will try to connect you with a group that can help you.

  30. I had an abortion when I was 19. It wasn’t hard for me to make the decision to have an abortion because I believed and still believe it was the best thing for me considering the circumstances. My boyfriend supported my decision, but he did not support me emotionally. I broke up with him nearly four months after my abortion as I became very emotionally detached and had a very difficult time keeping up with all relationships whether it be my boyfriend, my friends or my family. I do not speak to anyone because there is no right time or place to tell someone, and I also feel embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t handle intimacy or relationships itself well anymore. It’s been a year since this all happened and I really struggle with it. Some days are much worse than others. I don’t sleep well and have many nightmares.I’m in school for Child and Youth Work and at times I have a difficult time spending so much time with children and sometimes I question the profession I am in. Sometimes I think I have developed some kind of anxiety and I get angry and frustrated much more easily than I ever did before. I don’t know if all of this will pass, or if I must seek help to get past this.

    • Hi Rachel, even if you still believe that abortion was the best thing to do, you can still struggle afterward. A lot of what you are describing — nightmares, trouble sleeping, relationship problems, emotional detachment, etc. — may be a sign of deeper trauma and isn’t necessarily just going to go away on it’s own, especially as it has lasted for so long already. (You can see some information on signs of post-abortion stress here, although you might have other symptoms that aren’t listed).

      So yes, I would really encourage you to seek some help by contacting one of the organizations listed on this page. At the very least, they can offer you support as you work through this so you won’t be on your own. They are there to help without judgement and will be glad to hear from you. (If you are outside the U.S., send me an email at elliotinstitute@gmail.com and I will try to put you in touch with organization in your area.)

  31. I had an abortion when i was 22yrs old now it is haunting me i think about it every day of my life, i have so much regrets and i wish i could turn the clock and undo my mistakes.I am not coping the guilt is too much. at that time the decission was perfect but now it kills me day by day. pls help me. i dont trust anyone with this secret

    • Hello Noni, I’m so glad you came to this page. You don’t have to keep living with regret and guilt — you can heal after abortion. No matter how heavy the burden seems, things can get better. I know you say you can’t trust anyone with this but the fact that you are visiting this page suggests you really want to share this with someone. I would really encourage you to contact one of the organizations listed above. They won’t share your information with anyone or judge you in any way. You can keep everything totally private and confidential with them. I promise they are just there to listen, support you and help you heal.

      As hard as it may seem to take this first step, I think you will start to feel a little better just knowing that there is someone to listen and understand. If you aren’t ready to talk with someone on the phone or face to face, you can start by getting some email support through Rachel’s Vineyard. Please don’t hesitate to reach out and get help!

  32. I had a abortion about 20 years ago. Im now not able to have kids. Im so depressed in the inside for the choice i made when i was young. Just not sure how to get this guilt out of my head.

    • Hello Sarah, so glad you found our site and posted here. It sounds like you are having a hard time, and I’m so sorry about all the losses you have been through. Please, if you haven’t already done so, think about contacting one of the groups listed here on this page for help. They can give you support, help you work through your pain and regret and address your depression. You don’t have to keep carrying this burden alone. It’s not something you will ever forget, but you can feel better.

      Please don’t be afraid to reach out and call them — they are not there to judge or make you feel worse, but to listen and help. It may be hard to make the initial call, but I think that you’ll find that even just talking to someone will help a little. If you are hesitant about calling, you can contact Rachel’s Vineyard for email support to get you started.

  33. I had an abortion when I was 16 yo and I have never been the same. I am now 26, I think that I am still affected by it. I just didn’t think it was possible, however, I identified with all the symptoms. Is it possible that after 8 years I could still be experiencing post-abortion stress?

    • Absolutely. In fact, one study found that on average it took about 9 years for women begin to recognize and seek treatment for unresolved issues related to their abortions. There are many possible reasons for this. But there could be the advantage that having a bit of time between now and then will give you more coping skills to work through the healing process now than you would have had then. I strongly encourage you to reach out to a post-abortion healing group. I believe that a year from now you will be so thankful that you did.

  34. I had three abortions with the pill. I got pregnant for the fourth time and realized the wrong I did I had an ectopic pregnancy the Dr. told me the baby was fine heartbeat sounded good. At 5 months I was home started bleeding went to the ER and was told the babys heartbeat stopped I did not believe it I went home that some night I was bleeding more and had a miscarriage I felt something come out through my vagina and when I grabbed it, it was my full sized baby boy. I remember that event as if it was yesterday it’s been 4 years ago. I regret so much my 3 abortions I know it was my punishment to have the miscarriage for what I did. I feel as if God will never forgive me I went to Rachels Vineyard but still don’t ever think God will forgive me. I feel so ashamed of myself I hate myself so much.

    • Eva, please keep trying and don’t give up. God always forgives, even if we don’t feel it. Healing doesn’t always happen all at once — it can take time. God doesn’t want to punish you for what happened; He loves you and wants to heal you. It may take some time and there may be moments when you feel worse instead of better, but you can get through this with the grace of God and the right support. It sounds like you went through a very traumatic experience, so you might need more counseling to help, and would perhaps benefit from one-on-one counseling after being in a group setting. I would really encourage you to contact one of the groups on this page and talk with them about follow-up care. Abortion Recovery International (1-657-464-7071) may be able to refer you to someone. You might also want to consider talking to a priest/pastor if you have one about the issues you are having. Please don’t give up!

  35. Hi My Name is Amber Nicole Ellis I Need Prayer Become I Am Sick And Feel Bad I Need God To Make Me Happy Not Feel Bad And sick

    • Hello Amber, we will certainly pray for you. Is there any way we can help you? If you are hurting after abortion please contact one of the groups listed on this page for free and confidential help. They would love to talk with and support you! Or you can also send us an email at elliotinstitute@gmail.com to let us know more details so that we can help if we can.

  36. I had just turned 16 years old when i had an abortion at 21 weeks. It was a boy. I did in fear of my parents reactions. Its been 5 months ive only felt regret and hatred towards my actions. I now have to go to counseling once a week but i feel like its the same. i still have nightmares about being in that room and it overwhelms me.

    • Abigail, I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Healing takes time, and you might have periods where you are feeling worse instead of better because you are confronting all these painful memories. It is good that you are getting help through this difficult time. Continue to talk with your counselor about what you are going through and perhaps he or she can offer you some additional tips or assistance in dealing with this. It could be that you simply need more time, or you may need to talk with the counselor more often.

      It may be that the nightmares are symptoms of deep emotional trauma that requires more intense therapy than you are currently receiving. Grief and trauma can be complicated and involve layers of issues that need healing. If you haven’t read it already, the section on this page entitled “What Does Recovery Feel Like,” offers a little guidance about when you might want to consider seeking out help from a different source.

      Above all, please keep trying. If it has only been five months since the abortion you may still be in the early stages of your grief and this will take time just like grieving any other loss. Know that this is a journey and don’t get become discouraged that you aren’t yet feeling better. But please also don’t hesitate to tell your counselor you need more help or to reach out to others for help if you need it.

      • Hello, Em,

        I have been there. Do not do it. Keep the baby. I stand outside the abortion clinics now and pray because I do not want anyone to go through the living hell that abortion is. If I can spare one person by the grace of God, it is worth it. Seek help from Mother Teresa’s order, Missionaries of Charity if there is one near you. They helped me. You are the image of God, and the little one you are carrying is His image as well. No one has the right to destroy God’s images, absolutely no one. No one not even Christ himself said this life would be easy, but we must follow Him anyway. Persevere. Satan will not like that choose life. He will send many obstacles your way. Stay strong. Stay strong. Stay strong. Fervently call upon St. Michael the archangel. You do not know what this child is destined to be. He may be a priest or Pope some day, and if not, he is still God’s child. I will keep you in my prayers at the Eucharist. Give this child a name. Here are some suggestions: Joshua, Hadassah, Deborah, Mary, Maria, Elijah, Jeremiah just to name a few. Only the strong survive, and the strong are called to protect the weak not to destroy them. To El Sadday, be all the Glory, Honor, and Power. Shout victory, Em not defeat. With faith, the battle, the war is already won, and Satan knows this. Shield that little one with all your might asked of God. as well. You have already taken a step towards victory by reaching out. You can do it, girl. I know you can. Alleluia!!!!!

        Estamos en las manos de Dios,

        Sharon

  37. Last month of February I did the abortion, ever since the day I left the hospital,m not my self anymore m struggling to come to terms with it,having the nightmare,wondering how my child was going to look like, but mostly how do I tell my mum that I did abortion. I am always angry, short tempered even asked my boyfriend to give me space to deal with this pain alone. How do I move forward,i cry day and night. How do I reach out to your support group really need help.

    • Hi Emelda, it is good that you are reaching out. I’m so sorry about the pain and loss you are going through. It’s important to find people you can trust to talk with, someone who won’t just condemn you but will listen, support you and help you heal. The best way to reach out is simply to call or one of the support groups listed on this page. If you are not in the United States or can’t otherwise reach one of these groups, you can email me at elliotinstitute@gmail.com and I will try to find a local group for you. Rachel’s Vineyard offers support by email to women around the world: http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/contact/email-support.aspx. I hope this helps.

  38. I had an abortion 1 week ago. I regret the choice i made though my bf said it was the best way out, i really didn’t want to terminate my pregnancy now i find myself struggling to come to terms with it, i push my bf away no matter how much he is trying to help me, i barely sleep, in class i don’t think straight, nightmares are too much. . . i love my bf. i want us work out but guilt and unforgiveness are killing part of me. i need help am in Kenya . . . Please text back via my email address.

    • Dear Julie,

      You are going through a very tough time. Many women have gone through the same thing. Many have found healing with the help of a post-abortion healing ministry and now they want to help you. Please read our page of tips on finding a post-abortion help group. Since you are in Kenya, I would encourage you to contact as many churches as you can and ask if they have any recommendations for finding a group . . . or even just other women who are going through the same thing you are. Together, you might work through one of the free, online workbooks for post-abortion healing, like the one offered by My Healing Choice. You will find more options under the section “Groups Offering Online Support

      Please keep looking for support . . . even if it requires reaching out to loved ones other than your boyfriend. This is a very difficult burden to carry alone. But know that many people want to help you!

      You are in our prayers. Please write again if we can be of further help.

  39. hi
    I was 2 months pregnant and I aborted the reason was that the pregnancy wasn’t strong enough so I lost it 🙁 but now I feel very sad and down and always angry and not in the mood and feeling lonely . what can I do to feel better ? please don’t publish my email.thx

    • Hi Cherine.

      I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. It is very normal. The good news is that no matter how you lost the pregnancy, there are people and resources out there to help you heal. Please reach out and look for help.

      For most of the women who contact us, we recommend they contact one of the groups on our page of tips and referrals for post-abortion healing. But it sounds to me like you had a “natural abortion,” a miscarriage, rather than an “induced abortion” which is when a women asks a doctor to cause the abortion. Is that correct?

      If so, the helpers at the post-abortion ministries may still be able to help. Many of the same steps to work through grief and heal are the same. But you may also find that there are programs and counselors who your doctor or local hospital can refer you to who specifically help women, men, and families who have experienced a miscarriage. You might also ask a post-abortion ministry if they have information and contacts with local providers of help following a miscarriage.

      Please know that you can and will feel better with time, and especially with the help and compassion of those who have been through what you are going through. It’s natural to feel both sad and lonely. The latter, at least, can be helped by talking with others who have been through the same experience and who will be there to help and encourage you. Someday, you will be able to bring that same experience of compassion to help others!

      You are in my prayers.

      When you

  40. Angela,
    Congratulations on being a mother again! My Mom found herself pregnant at the age of 45 with her 9th child . Definitely not a planned pregnancy. But she stepped out in faith and trusted the Lord. My baby sister wasn’t more than 3 months old and my Mom said “she is my greatest joy”. My little sister has been a gift to all of us and we can’t imagine life without her. She is now in her forties, has 2 children of her own and just adopted a foster child. What a gift she has been to so many people! Your baby will also be a gift to all whose lives he/she touches. Best wishes to you and I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  41. I just found out I was pregnant about a week. It was totally unplanned, but when I found out I was pregnant I was not only worried but happy at the same time. When I broke the news to my husband, I was heart broken that even though he said he would support me through whatever decision I made I knew he didn’t want the baby. We already have six beautiful children and life for us has been a struggle. We are almost to a point of complete comfort with our other children and my husband feels that having another baby will basically destroy what we have. I told my older children about the baby to see where they stood and they were all happy with the exception of my oldest, but she was extremely mad when I got pregnant with my sixth child as well. I am so torn on knowing what the right decision is to make, do I keep the baby to keep myself happy or do I have an abortion to keep new chaos out of my household. I have no one to talk to and am just looking for some guidance. I am leaning towards the abortion, but I feel like that will be something that may destroy me emotionally inside. I don’t know what to do or how to feel at this time and am looking for help.

    • Please read about the risk factors that are known to predict which women are most likely to have the most severe psychological reactions to abortion.

      You are clearly at higher risk of having a very rough time coping with your abortion. I’m confident that it would also be hard on your husband and children.

      You are the heart of your family. When Mom is happy, the whole family will be happier. If Mom becomes depressed, filled with grief and regret, much less has other more severe psychological reactions to the abortion . . . much less any physical complications . . . the whole family will suffer.

      You know this child is a blessing. He or she comes with the message that God is very pleased with what you have done and are doing with your other six children. So pleased, He has given you another . . . indeed, one of His most special children who needs tried and true parents and a passel of loving siblings.

      Congratulations! You are a mother, yet again! Look only at the joy and blessing you feel. Ignore the slowness of your husband and eldest child. They will come around in good time and will be so happy that your maternal heart was open and joyful. No one ever regrets the gift of a child, but many, perhaps most, will eventually regret their abortions.

      Set an example of joy and anticipation about your newest child, and it will spread to the rest!

      You and your husband, and all seven of your children, are in my prayers. If you like, let us know and we’ll send out an email inviting more people to pray for you and to write to you through our website. If it’s encouragement you need, we can help you find plenty!

      You are NOT being selfish to think about giving birth to your child. You heart is right. This child is a gift to you and your whole family. Your husband and children will, a year from now, be so in love with the baby that they will be appalled that any of you even thought about passing on this gift of life.

      I know you are already busy and stressed with six children. But as you already know, your life is already busy to the max. One more child just fits into that filled life and adds new layers of relationship and richness to everyone’s life. You will all manage and thrive, just as you did when number five and then number six came along.

      If you like, we can send out a notice to our email list and you will receive a ton of similar emails encouraging you, just as so many are writing to “Up in the air.”

    • Hi Angela,

      I was just writing you a response when I saw the one that came through above, that already says most of what I was going to say. I just wanted to add a couple of things:

      Abortion will not necessarily keep new chaos out of your home — in fact, it often makes it worse. In addition to all the information on risks posted above, here is another link on the affect abortion can have on relationships. So having an abortion to save a family or relationship isn’t a good idea.

      Right now you are in crisis and things probably look very dark. It’s usually not a good time to make such a life-altering decision. Take your time, seek support and don’t allow yourself to be rushed or pressured into doing something you don’t think is a good idea. If you end up aborting because you feel you have no other choice, this can lead to resentment and regret.

      Circumstances change and hopefully you will find that having this baby is the best thing that ever happened to your family! I’m one of eight children and my parents often struggled financially to raise us. We did have a lot of chaos sometimes! But I don’t think any of us regrets not having more or wishes there had been fewer of us. Now that we are all grown, I am so grateful to have so many siblings because I am never without support. There is always someone to turn to when times are hard or when I just need a friend!

      If you are in need of guidance or any resources to support, please visit the pregnancy help page here. There are lots of groups out there offering support and resources to families. Plus, you may find this web site with information on raising kids on a shoestring to be helpful!

      Feel free to send us an email if you need more information or to be put in touch with a group that can help you: elliotinstitute@gmail.com.

      • Take the chance and keep the baby. They may or may not find out about the contact with the father but it is better to have a baby on your lap than on your conscience! Pray & dont worry. Admit your mistake but don’t go making a Bigger 1 thinking that will help because it wont. Follow your heart in giving this baby life even if you have to give 2 up. He will still have his Life! Be a Mom and Protect ur baby!

  42. Dearest Mother:

    You are already a mother to the precious little one God has placed within your womb. I am 70 years old and 50 years ago during the Vietnam years, I was in exactly the same circumstance you are in now, and out of grave fear gave in to my husband’s evil and selfish demands! Our little Heather Maria is in Heaven and God showed her to me on Mother’s Day after I had converted to the Catholic Faith in 2000. She was/is my most beautiful baby! God is with me, but I will forever grieve her death until my own! Whatever you do, keep your little baby, and you will never regret this most important decision of your life!! God will stand with you and never let you down! And your marriage with thrive with Amazing Grace! Don’t ever fear your husband, no matter what!!

  43. Please know that we are praying for you to continue your pregnancy. We are praying for the baby’s Daddy to come to see how important he is to you and to your family. Let God’s grace hold you up and keep you strong enough to defend the life of your little one. Trust in our Lord and He will be your light to see the way.

  44. It must be very difficult when the father of your child wishes to abort his own baby. When I was younger, that happened to me as well. But the good Lord helped me make a right decision, and to convince the baby’s father, and our daughter was born and is the joy of our life.

    Today,Our Respect Life Ministry will pray for you at our monthly meeting. We will pray that, like Joseph in the Gospel, your baby’s father will realize that God has given you this pregnancy for His purposes and that it is not right, as human people, to tell God we know better than he does. God means all things for good. May God bless you and keep you.

  45. A doctor said it better than I: “I’ve never had a woman sit in your chair (in his office) who regretted giving birth but I have had many who regretted their abortion.”
    There are scores of post abortion healing programs because this decision hurts women, men and all it touches. Please let us help you.

  46. I pray you will find the way to keep your child.

    I’m a psychologist and do lots of marriage therapy with blended families such as your own. Once husband and wife get in the same room and start communicating honestly (95% of problems in marriages are communications problems) you will be able to work out your differences. I hope you are in or will get into treatment to deal with the fighting/toxic atmosphere that is threatening your little growing miracle

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