To Those Who Mourn, From One Who Has Been There

To Those Who Mourn,

When I was seventeen years old I underwent a second trimester, saline abortion. Although I wanted to have my baby, my parents pressured me to submit to the abortion.

After many hours of labor, I gave birth to a dead baby boy. To say that this had a major impact on my life is an understatement.

When I look back at where I have come from–to all the guilt, the shame, and the grief of abortion–it is with continual amazement. I now live my life with a deep joy and gratitude. Instead of doubting the mercy and goodness of God, I have come to expect it.

It is said that God can bring good out of even the worst situations. There was a time when I would have found this hard to believe, but I know through personal experience that it is true.

Through His grace, those who have had abortions can come to find peace, healing, and even joy in their lives.

I know some of you are probably thinking, “but I had more than one abortion,” or “mine was probably worse than hers,” or “nobody forced me to abort,” etc.

My answer to you is that the process of healing from abortion isn’t about who you are and what you’ve done, it is about who God is and what He has done!

The mercy of God is there for the taking–if you only dare to trust His lead on the journey of healing. His mercy will bring you a new level of life, one that is full of peace. I feel this peace because God now lives within me.

I no longer feel the need to be perfect, because I know that God loves me in spite of my imperfections–and even because of them.

I no longer fear abandonment, for I have learned that He never abandoned me–even after my abortion.

Through my healing I now have more compassion and mercy for others. I am careful not to judge, for I know where I have come from and how much I needed compassion and mercy. Through my child lost to abortion, God has taught me about true love, as opposed to the self-centered attachments I always wanted.

Through the forgiveness I have received from God and others, I have learned how to forgive others–and even myself. Because of the love I have found in God, I am less afraid of suffering, because I know I am never alone in this life. He is with me.

I won’t lie to you. It was a difficult journey. You must face yourself honestly, and it is frightening to confront the many faults we have.

For those of us who are post-abortive, often the very things we have to face are the same fears that caused us to choose abortion in the first place. The paradox is that facing these things–pride, self-love, fear of abandonment, etc.–is what will set us free from them.

No matter how hard the journey, it is never as difficult as what you are living with now.

So I invite you to begin your journey toward healing, and I pray that you will begin by reaching out to those who can help you.

Remember that you are not alone in your feelings. There are reasons for them. There is no room for “politics” or controversy in post-abortion healing. We have lost our children. We must be allowed to grieve for them.

Through healing you will become a better person in spite of your abortion. God, through His mercy and love, is waiting for you.

I will be praying for you,

Theresa Bonapartis

Find Help
Help During Pregnancy
Help After Abortion
Center Against Forced Abortions

Learn More
Finding Healing After Abortion
Personal Stories About Abortion and Healing
Articles on Hope & Healing
Men & Abortion
For Teens: No One Told Me I Could Cry
Yes, There is Help & Healing After Abortion


To Those Who Mourn, From One Who Has Been There — 2 Comments

  1. Thanks Theresa,

    Having fought against the abortion of my baby back in 1973, before Roe v Wade, I still feel guilty for creating that situation in the first place, and for not fighting more effectively for the life of my child.
    It is hard for me to the forgive the woman who aborted, her family who pressured her to abort, and all people who continue to influence women towards abortion today.
    I am a Knight of Columbus and we work create a world where children are more welcome.
    Thank you for your work to help people who have experienced the pain of abortion.

    • Nicholas, thank you for your post and your kind words. And God bless the work you are doing with the Knights of Columbus to create a culture of life.

      I don’t know if you received any kind of support or healing after the loss of your child. If you haven’t, or even if you did but are still struggling, I’d encourage you to reach out to a group like Rachel’s Vineyard or another support group. They would love to talk with you and help you work through any issues that you are still struggling with related to the abortion. We also have a number of articles and other information on our men’s page that you might find helpful.

      I also wonder if you’ve ever run across a book called Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing, by CT Coyle. It is based on a program she developed to help men after abortion, centered specifically around forgiveness of themselves, their partners and others involved in an abortion. You might find it helpful. Rachel’s Vineyard also has a good section for men on their web site, and a book, Redeeming a Father’s Heart (I haven’t read this one, but based on their other work I’m happy to suggest it). Finding a good priest to talk with can also be a great help (you can check with your diocese to see if they have any priests involved in pro-life work or post-abortion counseling).

      We’ll be keeping you in our prayers that you will find healing and peace.

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