Abortion Risks: A list of major psychological complications related to abortion


Printable Fact Sheets
Physical Complications
Risk Factors for Psychological Complications
More articles on abortion risks

A study of the medical records of 56,741 California medicaid patients revealed that women who had abortions were 160 percent more likely than delivering women to be hospitalized for psychiatric treatment in the first 90 days following abortion or delivery. Rates of psychiatric treatment remained significantly higher for at least four years.1,3

Rate of hospitalization after abortion compared to childbirth=1.0

In a study of post-abortion patients only 8 weeks after their abortion, researchers found that 44% complained of nervous disorders, 36% had experienced sleep disturbances, 31% had regrets about their decision, and 11% had been prescribed psychotropic medicine by their family doctor. (2)

A 2006 study published in Sleep, the official journal of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies, found that women who experienced abortion were more likely to be treated for sleep disorders or disturbances compared to women who gave birth.(27)

A 5 year retrospective study in two Canadian provinces found significantly greater use of medical and psychiatric services among women with a history of abortion. Most significant was the finding that 25% of women who had abortions made visits to psychiatrists as compared to 3% of the control group. (3) Women who have had abortions are significantly more likely than others to subsequently require admission to a psychiatric hospital. At especially high risk are teenagers, separated or divorced women, and women with a history of more than one abortion. (4)

Since many post-abortive women use repression as a coping mechanism, there may be a long period of denial before a woman seeks psychiatric care. These repressed feelings may cause psychosomatic illnesses and psychiatric or behavioral in other areas of her life. As a result, some counselors report that unacknowledged post-abortion distress is the causative factor in many of their female patients, even though their patients have come to them seeking therapy for seemingly unrelated problems. (5)

All Studies Report Higher Rates of Psychological Problems After Abortion Compared to Other Women

Women who have abortions are 81 percent more likely to experience subsequent mental health problems, according to a new study published by Britain’s Royal College of Psychiatrists. The greatest increases were seen in relation to suicidal behaviors and substance abuse.

The meta-analysis examined and combined results of 22 studies published between 1995 and 2009 and included data on 877,181 women from six countries.   All 22 studies revealed higher rates of mental health problems associated with abortion for at least one symptom, and many for more than one symptom.

Click to Enlarge

Click to Enlarge

Using a standardized statistical technique for combining the results of multiple studies, the meta-analysis revealed that women with a history of abortion face higher rates of anxiety (34 percent higher) and depression (37 percent higher), heavier alcohol use (110 percent higher) and marijuana use (230 percent higher), and higher rates of suicidal behavior (155 percent higher).

The study also found that women who delivered an unplanned pregnancy were significantly less likely to have mental health problems than similar women who aborted unplanned pregnancies.  Women with a history of abortion were 55 percent more likely to have mental health problems than women who did not abort an unplanned pregnancy.(25)

A 2010 study, which was published in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry and examined a nationally representative sample of more than 3,000 women in the United States, found that women who underwent an abortion had a 98 percent increased risk for any mental health disorders compared to women who did not have an abortion.

Women who had abortions also had:

  • 59 percent increased risk for suicidal thoughts
  • 61 percent increased risk for mood disorders
  • 61 percent increased risk for social anxiety disorders
  • 261 percent increased risk for alcohol abuse
  • 280 percent increased risk for any substance use disorder

Approximately 6 percent of suicidal ideation cases among women nationwide and 25 percent of cases of drug use could be related to abortion, the researchers found.(26)

Further, a meta-analysis combining the results of eight studies of women who experienced unwanted pregnancies, published in 2013, concluded that “there is no available evidence to suggest that abortion has therapeutic effects in reducing the mental health risks of unwanted or unintended pregnancy.”

Lead author Professor David Fergusson, who has described himself in interviews as a pro-choice atheist, also led the research team in a 2008 study that concluded that women who continued an unwanted or mistimed pregnancy did not experience a significant increase in mental health problems. Further, having an abortion did not reduce their mental health risks.

“In general, there is no evidence in the literature on abortion and mental health that suggests that abortion reduces the mental health risks of unwanted or mistimed pregnancy,” the authors wrote. “Although some studies have concluded that abortion has neutral effects on mental health, no study has reported that exposure to abortion reduces mental health risks.”


Researchers have identified a large number of statistically significant risk factors that identify which women are at greatest risk of experiencing one or more severe reactions to abortion.   The following is list of risk factors identified by the American Psychological Association Task Force on Mental Health and Abortion in their 2008 report:

  1. terminating a pregnancy that is wanted or meaningful
  2. perceived pressure from others to terminate a pregnancy
  3. perceived opposition to the abortion from partners, family, and/or friends
  4. lack of perceived social support from others
  5. various personality traits (e.g., low self-esteem, a pessimistic outlook, low-perceived control over life)
  6. a history of mental health problems prior to the pregnancy
  7. feelings of stigma
  8. perceived need for secrecy
  9. exposure to antiabortion picketing
  10. use of avoidance and denial coping strategies
  11. feelings of commitment to the pregnancy
  12. ambivalence about the abortion decision
  13. low perceived ability to cope with the abortion
  14. history of prior abortion
  15. late term abortion
  16. being an adolescent (not an adult)
  17. having a non-elective (therapeutic or coerced) abortion
  18. prior history of abortion (having a second or third abortion, or more)

Please see Identifying High Risk Abortion Patients”  or “Abortion decisions and the duty to screen: clinical, ethical, and legal implications of predictive risk factors of post-abortion maladjustment” for a more complete list of risk factors, including citations to the studies identifying each risk factor.


Approximately 60 percent of women who experience post-abortion sequelae report suicidal ideation, with 28 percent actually attempting suicide, of which half attempted suicide two or more times.(13)  

Researchers in Finland have identified a strong statistical association between abortion and suicide in a records based study (see figure at the right).  They found that the  mean annual suicide rate for all women was 11.3 per 100,000 but the rate for women following abortion was 34.7 per 100,000, three times higher.  The suicide rate associated with birth, by contrast, was half the rate of all women and less than one-sixth the rate of suicide among women who had abortions.(13)

Besides the Finland study, large record-based studies from the United States and Denmark have found that overall death rates were higher among women following abortion compared to those among women who had given birth.(24)

The U.S. study examined Medi-Cal records for more than 173,000 low-income California women who had experienced abortion or childbirth. Linking these records to death certificates, the researchers found that women who had state-funded abortions were 2.6 times more likely to die from suicide compared to women who delivered their babies. Giving birth, on the other hand, was shown to reduce women’s suicide risk compared to the general population.

Suicide attempts appear to be especially prevalent among post-abortion teenagers. Numerous other studies have also revealed higher rates of suicide and suicide attempts associated with abortion.(13)

ALCOHOL AND DRUG ABUSE: Over twenty studies have linked abortion to increased rates of drug and alcohol use. Abortion is significantly linked with a two fold increased risk of alcohol abuse among women.(16) Abortion followed by alcohol abuse is linked to violent behavior, divorce or separation, auto accidents, and job loss.(17)  In addition to the psycho-social costs of such abuse, drug abuse is linked with increased exposure to HIV/AIDS infections, congenital malformations, and assaultive behavior. (18)

EATING DISORDERS: For at least some women, post-abortion stress is associated with eating disorders such as binge eating, bulimia, and anorexia nervosa. (19)

SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION: Thirty to fifty percent of the women who experience difficulty adjusting to a past abortion report experiencing sexual dysfunctions, of both short and long duration, beginning immediately after their abortions. These problems may include one or more of the following: loss of pleasure from intercourse, increased pain, an aversion to sex and/or males in general, or the development of a promiscuous life-style. (12)

CHILD NEGLECT OR ABUSE: Abortion is linked with increased depression, violent behavior, alcohol and drug abuse, replacement pregnancies, and reduced maternal bonding with children born subsequently. These factors are closely associated with child abuse and would appear to confirm individual clinical assessments linking post-abortion trauma with subsequent child abuse. (20)


While psychological reactions to abortion fall into many categories, some women experience all or some of they symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).  The lowest incidence rate of PTSD reported following abortion is 1.5%, which would translate to over 600,000 cases of abortion induced PTSD. Another study found that 14% of American women have all the symptoms of PTSD and attribute them to their abortions, with as many as 65% reporting some, but not all symptoms of PTSD.

Yet another random study found that a minimum of 19% of post-abortion women suffer from diagnosable post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Approximately half had many, but not all, symptoms of PTSD, and 20 to 40 percent showed moderate to high levels of stress and avoidance behavior relative to their abortion experiences. (6)

PTSD is a psychological dysfunction which results from a traumatic experience which overwhelms a person’s normal defense mechanisms resulting in intense fear, feelings of helplessness or being trapped, or loss of control. The risk that an experience will be traumatic is increased when the traumatizing event is perceived as including threats of physical injury, sexual violation, or the witnessing of or participation in a violent death. PTSD results when the traumatic event causes the hyperarousal of “flight or fight” defense mechanisms. This hyperarousal causes these defense mechanisms to become disorganized, disconnected from present circumstances, and take on a life of their own resulting in abnormal behavior and major personality disorders. As an example of this disconnection of mental functions, some PTSD victim may experience intense emotion but without clear memory of the event; others may remember every detail but without emotion; still others may reexperience both the event and the emotions in intrusive and overwhelming flashback experiences. (7)

Women may experience abortion as a traumatic event for several reasons. Many are forced into an unwanted abortions by husbands, boyfriends, parents, or others. If the woman has repeatedly been a victim of domineering abuse, such an unwanted abortion may be perceived as the ultimate violation in a life characterized by abuse. Other women, no matter how compelling the reasons they have for seeking an abortion, may still perceive the termination of their pregnancy as the violent killing of their own child. The fear, anxiety, pain, and guilt associated with the procedure are mixed into this perception of grotesque and violent death. Still other women, report that the pain of abortion, inflicted upon them by a masked stranger invading their body, feels identical to rape. (8) Indeed, researchers have found that women with a history of sexual assault may experience greater distress during and after an abortion exactly because of these associations between the two experiences. (9) When the stressor leading to PTSD is abortion, some clinicians refer to this as Post-Abortion Syndrome (PAS).

The major symptoms of PTSD are generally classified under three categories: hyperarousal, intrusion, and constriction.

Hyperarousal is a characteristic of inappropriately and chronically aroused “fight or flight” defense mechanisms. The person is seemingly on permanent alert for threats of danger. Symptoms of hyperarousal include: exaggerated startle responses, anxiety attacks, irritability, outbursts of anger or rage, aggressive behavior, difficulty concentrating, hypervigilence, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, or physiological reactions upon exposure to situations that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic experience (eg. elevated pulse or sweat during a pelvic exam, or upon hearing a vacuum pump sound.)

Intrusion is the reexperience of the traumatic event at unwanted and unexpected times. Symptoms of intrusion in PAS cases include: recurrent and intrusive thoughts about the abortion or aborted child, flashbacks in which the woman momentarily reexperiences an aspect of the abortion experience, nightmares about the abortion or child, or anniversary reactions of intense grief or depression on the due date of the aborted pregnancy or the anniversary date of the abortion.

Constriction is the numbing of emotional resources, or the development of behavioral patterns, so as to avoid stimuli associated with the trauma. It is avoidance behavior; an attempt to deny and avoid negative feelings or people, places, or things which aggravate the negative feelings associated with the trauma. In post-abortion trauma cases, constriction may include: an inability to recall the abortion experience or important parts of it; efforts to avoid activities or situations which may arouse recollections of the abortion; withdrawal from relationships, especially estrangement from those involved in the abortion decision; avoidance of children; efforts to avoid or deny thoughts or feelings about the abortion; restricted range of loving or tender feelings; a sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect a career, marriage, or children, or a long life.); diminished interest in previously enjoyed activities; drug or alcohol abuse; suicidal thoughts or acts; and other self-destructive tendencies.

As previously mentioned, Barnard’s study identified a 19% rate of PTSD among women who had abortions three to five years previously. But in reality the actual rate is probably higher. Like most post-abortion studies, Barnard’s study was handicapped by a fifty percent drop out rate. Clinical experience has demonstrated that the women least likely to cooperate in post-abortion research are those for whom the abortion caused the most psychological distress. Research has confirmed this insight, demonstrating that the women who refuse followup evaluation most closely match the demographic characteristics of the women who suffer the most post-abortion distress. (10) The extraordinary high rate of refusal to participate in post-abortion studies may interpreted as evidence of constriction or avoidance behavior (not wanting to think about the abortion) which is a major symptom of PTSD.

For many women, the onset or accurate identification of PTSD symptoms may be delayed for several years. (11) Until a PTSD sufferer has received counseling and achieved adequate recovery, PTSD may result in a psychological disability which would prevent an injured abortion patient from bringing action within the normal statutory period. This disability may, therefore, provide grounds for an extended statutory period.


INCREASED SMOKING WITH CORRESPONDENT NEGATIVE HEALTH EFFECTS: Post-abortion stress is linked with increased cigarette smoking. Women who abort are twice as likely to become heavy smokers and suffer the corresponding health risks. (14) Post-abortion women are also more likely to continue smoking during subsequent wanted pregnancies with increased risk of neonatal death or congenital anomalies. (15)

DIVORCE AND CHRONIC RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS: For most couples, an abortion causes unforeseen problems in their relationship. Post-abortion couples are more likely to divorce or separate. Many post-abortion women develop a greater difficulty forming lasting bonds with a male partner. This may be due to abortion related reactions such as lowered self-esteem, greater distrust of males, sexual dysfunction, substance abuse, and increased levels of depression, anxiety, and volatile anger. Women who have more than one abortion (representing about 45% of all abortions) are more likely to require public assistance, in part because they are also more likely to become single parents. (21)

REPEAT ABORTIONS: Women who have one abortion are at increased risk of having additional abortions in the future. Women with a prior abortion experience are four times more likely to abort a current pregnancy than those with no prior abortion history. (22)

This increased risk is associated with the prior abortion due to lowered self esteem, a conscious or unconscious desire for a replacement pregnancy, and increased sexual activity post-abortion. Subsequent abortions may occur because of conflicted desires to become pregnant and have a child and continued pressures to abort, such as abandonment by the new male partner. Aspects of self-punishment through repeated abortions are also reported. (23)

Approximately 45% of all abortions are now repeat abortions. The risk of falling into a repeat abortion pattern should be discussed with a patient considering her first abortion. Furthermore, since women who have more than one abortion are at a significantly increased risk of suffering physical and psychological sequelae, these heightened risks should be thoroughly discussed with women seeking abortions.


The most complete listing of psychological problems associated with abortion can be found at at AbortionRisks.org


1. An excellent resource is Thomas Strahan’s Detrimental Effects of Abortion: An Annotated Bibliography with Commentary (Third Edition) This resource includes brief summaries of major finding drawn from medical and psychology journal articles, books, and related materials, divided into major categories of relevant injuries.  An online version can be found at AbortionRisks.org

2. Ashton,”They Psychosocial Outcome of Induced Abortion”, British Journal of Ob&Gyn., 87:1115-1122, (1980).

3. Badgley, et.al.,Report of the Committee on the Operation of the Abortion Law (Ottawa:Supply and Services, 1977)pp.313-321.

4. R. Somers, “Risk of Admission to Psychiatric Institutions Among Danish Women who Experienced Induced Abortion: An Analysis on National Record Linkage,” Dissertation Abstracts International, Public Health 2621-B, Order No. 7926066 (1979); H. David, et al., “Postpartum and Postabortion Psychotic Reactions,” Family Planning Perspectives 13:88-91 (1981).

5. Kent, et al., “Bereavement in Post-Abortive Women: A Clinical Report”, World Journal of Psychosynthesis (Autumn-Winter 1981), vol.13,nos.3-4.

6. Catherine Barnard, The Long-Term Psychological Effects of Abortion, Portsmouth, N.H.: Institute for Pregnancy Loss, 1990).

7. Herman, Trauma and Recovery, (New York: Basic Books, 1992) 34.

8. Francke, The Ambivalence of Abortion (New York: Random House, 1978) 84-95.

9. Zakus, “Adolescent Abortion Option,” Social Work in Health Care, 12(4):87 (1987); Makhorn, “Sexual Assault & Pregnancy,” New Perspectives on Human Abortion, Mall & Watts, eds., (Washington, D.C.: University Publications of America, 1981).

10. Adler, “Sample Attrition in Studies of Psycho-social Sequelae of Abortion: How great a problem.” Journal of Social Issues, 1979, 35, 100-110.

11. Speckhard, “Postabortion Syndrome: An Emerging Public Health Concern,” Journal of Social Issues, 48(3):95-119.

12. Speckhard, Psycho-social Stress Following Abortion, Sheed & Ward, Kansas City: MO, 1987; and Belsey, et al., “Predictive Factors in Emotional Response to Abortion: King’s Termination Study – IV,” Soc. Sci. & Med., 11:71-82 (1977).

13. Speckhard, Psycho-social Stress Following Abortion, Sheed & Ward, Kansas City: MO, 1987; Gissler, Hemminki & Lonnqvist, “Suicides after pregnancy in Finland, 1987-94: register linkage study,” British Journal of Medicine 313:1431-4, 1996.C. Haignere, et al., “HIV/AIDS Prevention and Multiple Risk Behaviors of Gay Male and Runaway Adolescents,” Sixth International Conference on AIDS: San Francisco, June 1990; N. Campbell, et al., “Abortion in Adolescence,” Adolescence, 23(92):813-823 (1988); H. Vaughan, Canonical Variates of Post-Abortion Syndrome, Portsmouth, NH: Institute for Pregnancy Loss, 1991; B. Garfinkel, “Stress, Depression and Suicide: A Study of Adolescents in Minnesota,” Responding to High Risk Youth, Minnesota Extension Service, University of Minnesota (1986).

14. Harlap, “Characteristics of Pregnant Women Reporting Previous Induced Abortions,” Bulletin World Health Organization, 52:149 (1975); N. Meirik, “Outcome of First Delivery After 2nd Trimester Two Stage Induced Abortion: A Controlled Cohort Study,” Acta Obsetricia et Gynecologica Scandinavia 63(1):45-50(1984); Levin, et al., “Association of Induced Abortion with Subsequent Pregnancy Loss,” JAMA, 243:2495-2499, June 27, 1980.

15. Obel, “Pregnancy Complications Following Legally Induced Abortion: An Analysis of the Population with Special Reference to Prematurity,” Danish Medical Bulletin, 26:192- 199 (1979); Martin, “An Overview: Maternal Nicotine and Caffeine Consumption and Offspring Outcome,” Neurobehavioral Toxicology and Tertology, 4(4):421-427, (1982).

16. Klassen, “Sexual Experience and Drinking Among Women in a U.S. National Survey,” Archives of Sexual Behavior, 15(5):363-39 ; M. Plant, Women, Drinking and Pregnancy, Tavistock Pub, London (1985); Kuzma & Kissinger, “Patterns of Alcohol and Cigarette Use in Pregnancy,” Neurobehavioral Toxicology and Terotology, 3:211-221 (1981).

17. Morrissey, et al., “Stressful Life Events and Alcohol Problems Among Women Seen at a Detoxification Center,” Journal of Studies on Alcohol, 39(9):1159 (1978).

18. Oro, et al., “Perinatal Cocaine and Methamphetamine Exposure Maternal and Neo-Natal Correlates,” J. Pediatrics, 111:571- 578 (1978); D.A. Frank, et al., “Cocaine Use During Pregnancy Prevalence and Correlates,” Pediatrics, 82(6):888 (1988); H. Amaro, et al., “Drug Use Among Adolescent Mothers: Profile of Risk,” Pediatrics 84:144-150, (1989)

19. Speckhard, Psycho-social Stress Following Abortion, Sheed & Ward, Kansas City: MO, 1987; J. Spaulding, et al, “Psychoses Following Therapeutic Abortion, Am. J. of Psychiatry 125(3):364 (1978); R.K. McAll, et al., “Ritual Mourning in Anorexia Nervosa,” The Lancet, August 16, 1980, p. 368.

20. Benedict, et al., “Maternal Perinatal Risk Factors and Child Abuse,” Child Abuse and Neglect, 9:217-224 (1985); P.G. Ney, “Relationship between Abortion and Child Abuse,” Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 24:610-620, 1979; Reardon, Aborted Women – Silent No More (Chicago: Loyola University Press, 1987), 129-30, describes a case of woman who beat her three year old son to death shortly after an abortion which triggered a “psychotic episode” of grief, guilt, and misplaced anger.

21. Shepard, et al., “Contraceptive Practice and Repeat Induced Abortion: An Epidemiological Investigation,” J. Biosocial Science, 11:289-302 (1979); M. Bracken, “First and Repeated Abortions: A Study of Decision-Making and Delay,” J. Biosocial Science, 7:473-491 (1975); S. Henshaw, “The Characteristics and Prior Contraceptive Use of U.S. Abortion Patients,” Family Planning Perspectives, 20(4):158-168 (1988); D. Sherman, et al., “The Abortion Experience in Private Practice,” Women and Loss: Psychobiological Perspectives, ed. W.F. Finn, et al., (New York: Praeger Publ. 1985), pp98-107; E.M. Belsey, et al., “Predictive Factors in Emotional Response to Abortion: King’s Termination Study – IV,” Social Science and Medicine, 11:71- 82 (1977); E. Freeman, et al., “Emotional Distress Patterns Among Women Having First or Repeat Abortions,” Obstetrics and Gynecology, 55(5):630-636 (1980); C. Berger, et al., “Repeat Abortion: Is it a Problem?” Family Planning Perspectives 16(2):70-75 (1984).

22. Joyce, “The Social and Economic Correlates of Pregnancy Resolution Among Adolescents in New York by Race and Ethnicity: A Multivariate Analysis,” Am. J. of Public Health, 78(6):626-631 (1988); C. Tietze, “Repeat Abortions – Why More?” Family Planning Perspectives 10(5):286-288, (1978).

23. Leach, “The Repeat Abortion Patient,” Family Planning Perspectives, 9(1):37-39 (1977); S. Fischer, “Reflection on Repeated Abortions: The meanings and motivations,” Journal of Social Work Practice 2(2):70-87 (1986); B. Howe, et al., “Repeat Abortion, Blaming the Victims,” Am. J. of Public Health, 69(12):1242-1246, (1979).

24. See Reardon DC, Coleman PK. Short and long term mortality rates associated with first pregnancy outcome: Population register based study for Denmark 1980-2004. Med Sci Monit 2012;18(9):PH 71 – 76; and Reardon DC, Ney PG, Scheuren F, Cougle J, Coleman PK, Strahan TW.  Deaths associated with pregnancy outcome: a record linkage study of low income women. South Med J 2002 Aug;95(8):834-41.

25.  Source: Coleman PK. Abortion and mental health: quantitative synthesis and analysis of research published 1995–2009. The British Journal of Psychiatry (2011) 199, 180–186.

26. Mota, NP et. al., “Associations Between Abortion, Mental Disorders and Suicidal Behavior in a Nationally Representative Sample,” The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry 55(4): 239-246 (April 2010).

27. DC Reardon and PK Coleman, “Relative Treatment Rates for Sleep Disorders and Sleep Disturbances Following Abortion and Childbirth: A Prospective Record Based-Study,” Sleep 29(1):105-106, 2006.


Abortion Risks: A list of major psychological complications related to abortion — 86 Comments

  1. Pingback: Should life or death be our choice? « Debating Capitalism

  2. It is about time someone presented REAL truthful facts!!!!! I’m so sick of digging and digging for REAL facts and only finding facts from pro-choice organizations about post-abortion effects. Most of the sites I have found say “there aren’t any post-abortion symptoms. Any woman who suffers from depression after an abortion was probably suffering from it before the abortion.”

    My roommate had an abortion (and lied about it saying she had a miscarriage).

    I found out and talked to her about it and she just cried and said she hated herself so much for doing it. That was two months ago…I’ve probably seen her for a total of three days in the past two months because she has been gone constantly going out to friends houses, more than likely abusing drugs, and definitely abusing alcohol.

    She won’t come home because “she doesn’t have a ride” but the next thing I know, she is at another friend’s house. I know she isn’t coming home because she knows I’ll be able to tell if she is on drugs and that I will encourage her to get help.

    She has all kinds of physical health issues now from the abortion. She is still bleeding, and has to go now for a second surgery.

    But…oh… abortion is totally safe and has no harmful effects afterwards.

    Thank you so much for this site!


    • Yes, unfortunately with your friend you saw what nobody wants to admit. Because of my job, I had the same experience as yours many times. Women who have any sort of side effects caused by abortions. And of course they need assistance and help. The big lie is precisely what you find on the web: Oh, don’t worry, abortion is harmless, it not going to have any negative effect on you!”. Well, we need to treat people as people and not as things with no personality like robots. Having an abortion is not like taking a little piece away. We’re not machines. I hope your friend could find the help she needs.

    • Hey,
      You’re right she’s suffering but its not your battle or issue. She needs to come to the realization herself. I’ve been where she is and yes I made a lot of horrible decisions and nearly killed myself. (Alcohol abuse) I still struggle with it and its been almost 3 years. But if there is anything I have learned. I needed to stop myself and come to my own self awareness. Keep trying to reach out to her because she will try to push you away. Just don’t make it obvious what you are doing. Just be there, be there thru thick and thin, don’t give up on her. I’ve had one friend that was there and is still there and he never brought up the issue he was just there and every now and then he would tell me something like “You know what you are doing right? This is your life and I’ll be there but just be smart”. He was there even when I tried so hard to push him away. He’s my best friend and I love him so Mich for just being a friend. He was my only connection to reality because for the first year I was out of my mind. I still suffer and still hurt, in fact I woke up crying this morning about her. I will never allow her memory to die. I’ve gotten better since I started sharing with my closest of friends and my mom. They know that I will always see her as my first child because that is how I will honor her, my baby. I had to come to that conclusion myself and since I have allowed her memory to be shared and live, I feel a little better. Maybe that might work for her? But I don’t think anyone has the answer of how to truly help.

      • You are her mother and she will ALWAYS BE YOUR CHILD FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE.It is hard to deal with the loss but knowing that she is in Heaven and if you make the right choices regarding that you will see her again. Someone who had been to Heaven said that aborted babies do not hate their mothers and if the mothers make the right decision and end up in Heaven after they die will be met by that child. I said these things NOT TO PREACH but to be of comfort to you in your life to help make it a bit easier which I hope I was able to do for you by what I said here.

  3. My friend had a abortion a few years back and chose to because she was still in school earning her degree and things were not great or committed at the time with the would of been father, she now is bout to have child and with someone else this time been together for awhile has earned her degree I am just wondering how she is feeling the fact that she had a abortion few years ago and this time chose to have and keep baby, to me i could not do that why is it ok for this baby to be born and not the first one i have two children and i am totally against abortion now if i was raped i would say that would be a different story but even still the baby didnt do anything wrong so why should they be punished if anything adoption, thanks for me venting a little bit.

    • I am a male – naturally it is harder for me (if at all possible) to even imagine (not just – understand) the psychological trauma of a woman who had to undergo the turmoil of the abortion. First, the desision stage – the agony of contemplation…. Second, the procedure…. And finally – the aftermath, the life after… the rest of one’s life.
      I work in mental health field providing services to school age children K-12. I have done this for nearly 20 years now. I started my therapeutic experience as a counselor to the teen rape victims (14-18 y-old). For one year I sat in a room with raped girls, held their hands, struggled to imagine their physical and emotional pain… Smoked like a chimney after they left my office.
      That year was by far the most challenging and yet satisfying year of my professional growth.
      While I read the negative judgemental notes from happy women who have kids, husbands, homes,…I always think about my girls from that year – crying, trying to kill themselves, some – wanting to abort (“I hate this bustard who will remind me for the rest of my life about the ***** who raped me”), the others wishing to keep the babies (even despite the very harsh communal disapproval and rejection from closest family members), some leaving our clinic after the procedure and never looking back, the others – looking back with such despair in their eyes.
      I will never forget my personal months of agony when I learned that my wife’s pregnancy may had to be terminated due to the health issues of our unborn daughter. The choice that we both had leave with was indescribable: my wife’s life, or my baby’s…
      How can I be so daring as to judge someone’s pain?! Truly, one has to experience the pain on his own skin (or at least to be exposed on multiple occasions to the experiences of others) to understand what others are going through.
      I am a man, happily married, and blessed with two beautiful children – life gave the gifts that others may never have. And I have had my share of pain to appreciate my gifts and thank the Heavens every night for not being forced to make terrible desisions…
      My happiness and my pain, my pretty strong professional experience allow me to conclude, what the Bible stated way before me – Do not judge. The same Bible, that is used against those struggling women who are forced to make extremely painful and long-lasting desisions.
      I say to those who were here before me – you can not judge, if you have not been there………..And may you never be.

      • Your story is truly moving. Thank you for sharing it really touched me. I am having an emotional day and cannot seem to move on from this experience. I’m numb, confused and everyday life just seems so hard now. It’s been 2 years since my termination and I don’t know if this causes all my depression or just part of it. Answers are impossible to find, everything is to hard to understand. But just reading this helps. All those people against abortion, I am not against you and your beliefs. I’m not disagreeing either, but we certainly do not need you so blunted and up in arms against us, we need a better way to communicate and understand that in this life we have choices and many seem wrong or right but remember that every life is there own.

        • Dear Phoebe,

          I hope you realize that we are not “up in arms against” anyone who has had an abortion. We understand the pressures that lead so many to have abortions. Our goal is to alleviate those pressures, encourage alternatives, and for those who, like yourself, have had abortions, to help them get on the path to healing from anything they may be struggling with afterwards. In that spirit, if you have not yet seen our resource page on finding post-abortion healing service, please take a look at it.

    • Be better friend please. It’s not your uterus or your children or your life so do not question it. It is not any of your business. Just support her and stop judging her or stop pretending to be a friend. Why do you need to know how she feels about her new baby? Would it make a difference if she explained it? Is it hurting you that she is having a baby? Would you feel better if she aborted it or miscarried?

    • For those who are judging and replying with such unkind remarks; you cannot judge someone unless you have walked in their shoes. I had an abortion and live with a deep pain that torments me everyday of my life. I am unable to live a happy life due to the sadness that overwhelms my heart. I was a senior in high school, who got pregnant. The pressure from my parents, who looked at me as angelic made me feel as though I could not turn to them and confess I was pregnant. So I aborted. My plans to play D1 basketball at a very Catholic private University diminished. How was I going to attend a school that talked about abortion, and were against it? Who said that whomever got an abortion would go to hell? So, my life changed. Once a young women who thought she had everything planned, to a women who got pregnant and now who currently is filled with painful regret—I feel deeply hurt that someone could judge on another’s mistake.

      • Dear Kay,

        I believe the vast majority of people who visit this site are like you and are not judging anyone. We just want people to know that if they are experiencing negative reactions, it is not abnormal . . . it is a normal response. More importantly, there is help in recovering and healing. If you have not yet visited our “Help & Healing” page regarding tips and resources for for working past your grief and regret, please do so. You are in our prayers.

      • Kay, I have witnessed miraculous miracles of healing in women who have been in your shoes. Oh how I love the women I met at that retreat. It’s called Rachel’s Vineyard. It offers post abortion healing. It is normal for everyone to be scared to go but boy is it amazing. I respect your courage in sharing your feeling on this site. That is an amazing gift! God has sooooo much love for you despite what all those sinners said at your school. God is not ignorant like them about abortion. He knows what women go through and he sees thier brokenness and desires greatly to heal those wounds. But God is not intrusive. He patiently waits for us to let Him in.
        God bless you, Kay. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Never forget that. And your baby is in heaven and will always love you.
        Xo, Eileen

      • I Used to have an Abortion Last year . Was hard decesion i was hasitating a Lot ! I had termination at a Special Clinic , phisically was everything Ok , but i have to tell Nobody told me Nothing about emotionally Effects !!! After Abortion i experienced Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom i was so sad Depressed unhappy like never in My life ,, if the Doctors warned me before the Treatment to this i definitely dont do this !! 4 months later i get pregnant Again ! Than i felt Okay and Balance Again ! But After the Abortion Really something Hormons nerve Systhem changed in My had although before i was always okay !! I was depressed regret anbiete Bad dreams at Night , i was dreaming that i die ! Was Really harmfull ! And i asked Myself If Doctors know that this is effect why is Abortion still legal 2016 !!! ????

        • My Abortion was later Stage of the pregnancy . And i Wanstes to keep it My Boyfriend Not , so i did it only dir him ! After i wanted to go to a Special Doctor to fix the Problem in My head –> it Sounds Strange but it was like this phisically not much bleeding it was okay but menthally this Deep Trauma like a big tragedy like mother Loss their Own child ! I Wish that Should nobody experience this feeling ! And I guess its something Deep bonding between mother and Child hormons Chemical bonding its not so easy like Something just take it Off ! The Doctors Should Research it and After Abortion give something to fix the menthal Problems too ! Not Leaving Alone Woman with this terrible Feeling !

          • And i am 28 years old and Never Been Depressed before ! And i trusted My Doctor , i was not bonding extremely to My Child . I just Said okay we dont keep , we keep it another Time . And still Came this feelings . I was Really worrying about myself . Now im feeling better but that case complitely was something i didnt Know how to deal with this case

          • Hello Judit, thank you for sharing your story here. I am sorry about the trauma you have been through. You are right that doctors should warn women of the emotional difficulties that they may go through! I hope there is someone you can talk with about what you are experiencing. You can learn more about the problems many women face after abortion, and how to find help dealing with it, at http://www.rachelsvineyard.org They also offer help by email or through support groups.

          • Do You Knie what Did Help ?? Now im Pregnant Again !! Sind i think this Hormons im happy Again ! No headache no Depression. ! But belive me ! Last Summer i was suffering a Lot !!! Horror !!! No talk help !! I was Drinking Calming Tea bit help not much ! I dont offer to Try this Feeling Nobody

          • Do You Know what only helped Now im Pregnant Again !! The new Hormons Now im Relaxed Again !!! Now im Relaxed Balance No OK

    • How dare you! You dontnknow the reality of the issues she faced. You don’t actually know her true feeling a towards anything. You don’t know if she was secretly forced. You don’t know the way it feels to know you are giving up your child. You do not know. Don’t you EVER speak of something you DO NOT know of! It is NOT YOUR PLACE to ever judge. You don’t know the circumstances she faced. I can only hope she has better friends than you. And you can only HOPE that you are never in that position. I feel sorry for your lack of awareness and disrespect towards others.

    • It would probably be hard for her to look at her baby knowing what she did in the past regarding abortion. How can it not come to her mind. She carried that baby and it grew inside of her as the other child did. But im sure what will be of GREAT COMFORT TO HER is that she made the right decision this time and through her experience by talking with others about the deep regret she can help to influence that girl to go with the pregnancy for there is not regret in giving life but a LIFETIME OF REGRET KNOWING THAT YOU TOOK AWAY SOMEONES LIFE

    • Adoption is definitely the way to go. I’m writing a persuasive essay on abortion and I just learned that there are more couples capable and wanting to adopt newborns, than there are newborns to be adopted. There are about 30 couples on a waiting list for every one newborn put up for adoption. Abortion is just so cruel. There is a child aborted every second of every day. Slavery was once legal, and we Americans think we have come so far since the civil war, yet we now have something worse than slavery. Its sad and scary to think we haven’t gotten better, only moved on to something worse.

  4. Pingback: Culture of Life» Blog Archive » Feelin’ Lucky?

  5. Maybe she regrets her descision of having the first abortion. Think about her this pregnacy and life with this child is going to be torture because she will always have the memory of aborting that child. Maybe she’s having this child because she’s forgiven herself for what she did. I’m not saying she was right to have aborted the baby the first time, no I am 100% against abortion but to kickher while she’s down about the descision is only going to worsen the situation. Besides are you saying that she should abort this baby too. That she shouldn’t be allowed to have children because of a mistake. But you’re right they do have guts having a child because this is going to be very hard on them and it’s really going to hurt.

  6. i think this website is just fine and dont think ppl should have an abortion its not rite im 18 years old and if i was to get pregnant i could never do that wat did a poor little unborn baby do to u and i would never feel sorry for anybody who did it and cried bout it after u did it my friend was going to have one and i talked her out of it and still till this day her lil boy is 7 years old and the best damn thing thats ever happened to her and me if i must say and she thinks me every day for talking to her about it so i would never tell anybody to have one even in the worst situation have the baby and give it to sombody that cant have one thanks for whoever reads this and dont ever harm a baby like that its not rite dont open ur legs if u dont want one and if god wanted u to do it he would have never let u get pregant god put us her to give him more children

    • I always said “its ok if someone else wants or needs to do that, but i could never do it myself” until i was put in that position that was 6 years ago. I still deal with the grief, guilt and depression over it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I absolutely would never do it again. Its the worst thing i’ve ever done because the memories of it will never go away.

  7. Forced adoption, forced abortion or forced to keep the baby are case scenarios that are completely avoidable. But you can look for a positive reason to embrace any of these 3 options after pregnancy. When I am primarily motivated by lust and I have no real love or commitment to another person (much less any conceived child);

    my choice options will be painful and hurt me spiritually, emotionally and physically, because all 3 options are forms of “Damage control” to rescue me from my bad choices in life; so that I can hide from the naked reality that my life choices permanently hurt me and others!!!

    Ask God and the person you mated with to forgive you, forgive yourself and live the abundant life, free from lust. Meet your own sexual needs and stop defrauding others while single; and after you commit to love another person, then you can enjoy sex and children with no fear or regret of your circumstances.

  8. Pingback: Gendercide | Wisdom and Folly

  9. To all the women that are judging and acting all high and mighty don’t judge anybody unless you have walked in there shoes abortion is a personal choice and no it’s not right but sometimes it’s the only option people see and they do not deserve to be judged or insulted my friend was raped and wound up pregnant abortion was the only choice she saw your judgement miss god put us here for more children is childish and rude it I fine to cry after the choice just because it was theres does not mean they wanted it and it is none of anybody’s business except there’s so unless you are sending prayers to help them through the emotional stress they are feeling keep your damn opinions to yourself

    • Dear Tiffany,

      We appreciate your sentiment that women are not helped by words of condemnation. That is why, if you read the articles and comments on this site, you will see that the words and sentiments are always meant to offer understanding, consolation, and encouragement that healing the hurts of a past abortion is possible. It is fully possible to think that abortion is a poor choice, and even one that women feel forced to make because of their circumstance, while at the same time not condemning the people who make this poor, or even coerced, choice. Our hearts go out to all those involved, and we are working to help create a more healing environment for those who do feel hurt by a past abortion while also working to reduce the circumstance and pressures that make so many women feel they have no choice but to agree to an unwanted, unsafe, or unnecessary abortion.

      And yes, we are sending our prayers to help them through thee emotional stress they are feeling.

      • Yes, you’re right! it is not for to condemn, and we do not condemn those who are committed abortion. we just feel sorry for their bad choice because of what it does to them. they certainly experience physical, emotional and psychological difficulties. yes, they need help and support and great understanding. They also need counselling and healing. the best healing that has to happen is “forgiveness of oneself.” they have to face the facts and no matter how painful it is and then move on. As the Lord says to the paralytic, “Your sins are forgiven..pick up your mat and go..” they must learn to ask forgiveness, to forgive themselves and move on in life. it is not the end of the world. we still have hope so long as we live. our hope dies only when we give up.

  10. I became a Christian two years ago and had never realized how much two abortions in my teenage years had continued to affect me in life. When I started to read about the effects a year ago I was able to at least match this to how my life as a young girl had spiraled out of control. Pain, low self esteem, anxiety, anger, alcohol, promisicious behavoiur, further pregnancies, single parenthood, etc.

    My life settled and I met an amazing man who I married had children etc and a fab career. But carrying hurts of my past had trapped me into feelings of being unfulfilled. There was gap and I could not quite get it!! Why did I loath myself? Why could I not trust and sustain friendships? I struggled and lived a life being a false person. I have since dealt with this in a spiritual way and am still on a healing journey and its getting so much better. Just want to share this to help others and let them know they are not alone!!

    • I can completely understand what you have gone through. I also have become a Christian a little over two years ago, and during worship I would feel a pull at my spirit that things needed to be fixed. I prayed for God to reveal what I had to work on. Then one morning he revealed it and I broke down. I too had two abortion when I was younger, 15 years ago to be exact. I talked to a prayer team member who lead me to a wonderful lady. She hold a small group call Surrendering the Secrete By Pat Layton. It was an eight week class that has just made me feel totally restored with God and my family. Through this class I was able to memorialize my lost children and God even revealed their name to me.

  11. Pingback: “Informed” Consent « The Real Feminist

  12. I don’t believe any woman should be judged because she decided to abort. You don’t know what is going on in someone else’s life and if you personally have not experienced it you will never understand the difficulty of making this decision. Abortion hurts women physically and also emotionally. I am a Christian and I experienced many emotional difficulties in my life because of an abortion I had 21 years ago. If abortion is part of your past you can get healing from the God who created you and loves you more than anyone could. I know this because I participated in a post abortive Bible study called “Forgiven and Set Free.” I have had a great deal of healing from guilt and shame because of what I learned about God through this study. If you need help and healing please contact a pregnancy resource center in your area and ask if they have this study or one similar to it. It may just change your life.

    • Agreed! Jesus dies for our sins and if we know it was a mistake and learned from it God will forgive us. I grew up close to the church and I was always taught that God forgave and we should not throw stones. And abortion is an act that has the most stones thrown at it, even though there are serial killers and pedophiles. Are there as many protesters outside of a pedophile’s court hearing than there are at a Planned Parenthood or an abortion clinic. Nope. Strange/scary world.

      • It get’s more stones thrown at it because there are so many more abortions done than there are pedophiles, plus there is no sin that is worse than another, so they are equally wrong and should be dealt with just as much as each other.

        • Women were used for cooks and brooding mares. We are now pulling more and more away from that and we demand certain rights but there are many that dont want us to have rights. Many dont like how females are nowadays, we become more and more independent of men. Ive talked to people, mostly men, who think that women are inferior to men as a source. I dont believe in sexism of any kind so I’m glad women like myself continue to progress. I mean im Catholic but I’m stating mostly from a non-religious standpoint because not everyone believes in God, nor do we all believe in the same God or hold the same morals. I try to keep away from religion as much as possible online unless the topic is strictly on religion. I wouldnt say that all sins are equal, saying rape is just as bad as saying you ate your veggies when you actually threw them away would be an extreme insult to most, both are sins but of different caliber.

  13. I am a guy , but I wanned some help about smth happening in my life ! There is this girl who just came to ISLAM my religion , but before that she had done abortion once .. but we didn’t talk about it much since she told me after we met .. All I wanned to know is , what is the possibility that she can have a healthy baby in the future and do U advice me to go on with this ! Or I just should forget about her .. tho I do love her !
    I just went through almost all of This site .. I definitly Love what you do over there .. and Its my first time to Really wish I have lots of money to donate for this site!
    Hope girls who know more about this can help !

    • Dear Mando,

      While there is some increased risk to her fertility, for example some higher risk of miscarriage or pre-term birth, it is most likely that she can bear healthy children. Most women can and do. Probably the bigger issue is that she works through any unresolved emotional issues related to grief and guilt over the past so that it minimizes any impact on her ability to emotionally bond with future children or on her parenting skills in the future. If you love and support her and encourage her in her healing, I’m sure she can do well. If she faces any struggles, look to our tips on finding a post-abortion healing program under the “healing” tab at the top of each page. Thanks for your words of encouragement. (And even if you don’t have lots of money to donate, even a small donation would be welcome!)

  14. Do not judge anyone who has went through the heart ache, the sleepiness nights, suicidal thoughts and depression. I have felt all of these things and had an abortion 6 months ago. I Always said I would never ever do that to my child but everyone is different and so is every situation. You might find it easy to judge that girl who aborted her child but how about you think how it has affected her mentally. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I am struggling like no one would believe to move on from this. I am so against people judging because even in the hospital I was paranoid I was being judged.

    • I hope U never go through this again Emily , and would assure U I wouldn’t love her if I am judging her ! All I wanned to make sure of , is the physical ability to have children looking to the fact that I adore have children … Abortion is a sin a mistake a big one .. but we are humans , we do mistakes and that’s one of the beautiful things about us even .. the ability to realize that and fix it ..
      But I totally got your point n I do feel you Emily! And I am glad to have you here on this great site .. Hope it does help Inshallah 🙂

    • hi emily

      i have also suffered through that 10 years ago and 4 years after the abortion i had i still struggle with it 10 years later and now i have depersonalization after i just got better 2 years ago. my boyfriend and i broke up because of this and me feeling incomplete. i think abortion is deadly to 2 people, the pain lasts forever after and no baby. i hate abortion!!!!!

  15. Pingback: The Female Gaze: Conflict of Interest | Christ and Pop Culture

  16. I had an abortion exactly a year ago today!!!it was the hardest thing I could ever do…I hated myself my boyfriend my family everybody!!!I felt like it was my only option!!!I felt alone even though my boyfriend was there…before I got the abortion my sisters and I use to always say I could never abort my baby!!!I felt and feel like scum for going back on my word and for doing that to something I helped to make!!!the moment I found out I was pregnant I was happy but scared because I knew I wasnt going to be able to keep it…I still cry about it to…the reasons I did it was because I was only 18, I had literally just started this new job and I didn’t want to one of those people, I had just moved in with my boyfriend and his parents…it just wasn’t the right time for me and my boyfriend to go through with it!!!don’t get me wrong I wish I could’ve kept my baby…to this day I look back and wish I was older and had my own place but I didn’t!!!!I hurt every day for aborting my baby…I feel like I’m a bad parent…I was going through so much when I was pregnant…my hormones were so low because I was so stressed out with collage and this new job and my mom also being pregnant I’m surprised I didn’t miscarry…so for those people who are judging you shouldn’t for the simple fact that most of us regret what we did and hate ourselves for “killing” our baby..i know Iwould never do it again!!!It isn’t nor wasn’t fair to me my baby or my boyfriend for what happened…i never wanted to do that…but I was backed into a corner…I didnt want my baby to not have all the things my child deserves…I want to be able to provide for my kids 100% and a year ago I couldn’t!!!

    Reading what some of you people put made me feel like a bad mother all over again…cassandra…it was extreamly hurtful that you said why is it okay for a second baby to live and not the first…I’ve always wanted a family and I would do anything for my family…there are many reasons to why a person would abort their child…you wouldn’t know because you personally have had to experience that…good for you I wish I could say the same…but I did I can’t change my past no matter how much I want to…so until you can understand I think it’d be best if you do some more research to better understand what most women go through…I did it for my future family and my boyfriend…the last thing I would ever want is to struggle…its every persons dream to provide their family…I could never forgive myself for what I had to do!!!!

    • We all struggle. Life can cloud our minds. Learn to be at peace with your decisions or you will spend all your life looking regressing instead of progressing to the point you will lose yourself. No one, and I mean no one can judge you except yourself. We all make mistakes, some are bigger than others but it’s still a mistake. We have a way of convincing ourselves that what we do is what we must do, and we’re incredibly good at it. Your mistake is one that many have made, do yourself a favor, write a letter to your child, bury it, and plant a fruit tree or make a garden above. If you believe in God im sure your little angel would appreciate it.

  17. I had one almost 3 years ago. I think about it almost everyday. For those of you reading this and have recently had one and are experiencing depression, trust me, you WILL get through this. I was single and kind of dating a guy and obviously sleeping with him. When I found out I was pregnant he said he would support ANY decision I would make. But we both knew the right decision for both our futures were to terminate. I always pay close attention to my body and I knew within in two weeks after conception I was pregnant(this was my first). So I was lucky to barely be having symptoms by the time I terminated at 6 weeks and four days(they would not let me do it any sooner than 6 weeks). I was a zombie prior to that and psyching myself out.

    A couple of weeks after I became obsessed with the pregnancy I did not go through with. I would google what a fetus would look like at 12 weeks, 24 weeks, etc. I would weep(I am not a crier). And most of the time I would weep not because I regretted it but because I DID NOT regret it. I always knew it was right for me. I allowed myself to be depressed until the due date that would have been my baby’s. And I survived. I thought about dying everyday until that due date. I hardly ate, I never would sleep, I would lash out at the father even though we were not even friends anymore. I would just text him mean things. But he understood and put up with it. I drank and drank and drank. I drank so much I got behind on bills because it went to alcohol.

    After that due date I started dating a close friend who knew everything and we are living together now and planning on getting married.

    I get sad over it still. I send an apology up to heaven the last 2 years of the due date. But honestly, there is no reason not to live your life. It happened and yes, it is hard but life must go on. We are not murderers or bad people. It was a decision that took a lot of thought for each one of us. I have no problem talking about it openly if the subject is brought up. However, I would hate for my mom to find out so I am careful who I tell.

    For the people reading this to judge. Judging does not change what has already happened. And your judging never let me feel guiltier than I did and now that I feel better your judging does not make me depressed. It is something you CANNOT judge because you have never had an abortion. So turn it into a positive and try to understand and help lost women out or keep your judgments to yourself. And if you are on a website to judge, you are just looking to be a bully.

    I know I can’t turn back time and honestly if I could I know I would have made the same decisions. But feeling guilt hurts nobody but myself and if I let it hurt myself eventually it will hurt everyone who loves me.

    • I have been having more and more thoughts of suicide. I think about it a lot. I wish I had died that day with the baby. It has been two years now, I think I am worse each day that goes by, not better. I have sought out professional help, and and both the psychiatrist and the therapist believed I had enough internal resources to get through this. But I don’t. I wanted the dr. to put me on anti-depressants. I am desperate for relief. I cannot deal with the guilt I feel. I feel my child watches me from heaven, and I feel I have hurt his feelings as I knit a baby blanket for my expectant cousin. Once, I felt the baby visited me in my dreams. It was too real, and I was able to hold him. I felt his weight in my arms as I embraced him, and woke up. It felt so real. I could still feel him in my arms…It is absolute torture I live with. How do I make this stop?

      • Dear CP,

        I’m sorry to hear of how deeply you are in pain. Don’t give up hope. Your child is watching you from heaven and praying for you to find healing.

        Have you read our tips on finding a post-abortion counseling program near you?

        In the list of organizations and hotlines in the bottom section of that page, are several with toll free hotlines that you should call. I encourage you to find someone trained in post-abortion healing with whom you can talk as soon as possible.

        Pray for God to reveal the name of your child to you. Name him and use his name when sharing your grief about your loss with others. Try to see your dream as a gift, not a condemnation. A reminder that he waits for you in heaven and wants you to find healing and to learn from your loss so you can help others . . . and in that way, his memory will be honored by you helping others.

        Remember, most psychiatrists and therapists are not trained in helping women and men deal with post-abortion grief. Many have their own obstacles in the way of being able to be of help. You need to find someone who is trained in this field. Even the peer support groups for women who have had abortions will generally be in touch with mental health professionals who are trained in the field and can also give you a good referral if you need a licensed therapist in addition to the peer support.

        You are in our prayers. Be not afraid. The right help is out there for you. Using our tips, you should be able to find it. If you have trouble finding a post-abortion healing program, contact us again and we’ll try to do more research into finding a program near you.

  18. Regardless of feelings concerning abortion rights, it does not help post-abortive women in dealing with their emotional and psychological repercussions stemming from or triggered by their abortion experience. The extraordinary and very unethical stance that the APA takes, declaring it as a non-issue, stands firmly in the way of treating these women and their partners. It prevents mental health professionals from developing the much needed specialized care. We had the same issues i with ‘ignore the problem’ attitudes concerning male victims of sexual abuse, who are still consistently ignored by the APA. Until they are willing to put aside their personal political views, or rather, whatever political view is most prevailing, little to no progress will ever be made in helping.women and men.to cope with their emotions after abortion.

  19. hi everyone-it’s been 11 years for me. I was numb for a long time, and I deal with it in pieces.

    Healing is possible. The Catholic Church has a program called Project Rachel,just google it for one in your area. It’s a weekend retreat, you don’t have to be Catholic to go or Christian, I highly recommend it. You will find forgiveness from God and your child. You will still have pain, but that is part of the effects of sin and it helps us to not sin again. Your baby does forgive you and loves you. You have a saint in heaven that is there for you. I too wish I had another chance to take back that day.

    I wish my priest would have advised me differently, that my sister would have supported me more, that my post abortive friend would have been honest how bad it is, that my husband would have been a man, that the ladies praying outside would have spoken to me, but none of this happened, and we cannot change it. We have to accept it and know that we were victims too.

    Laws need to be in place to protect women when they are most vulnerable and cannot think rationally, but money drives economies. So, we need to fight harder for a pro-life culture.

    I give retreats for girls and their moms on learning their God given dignity so they don’t even ever consider it later, I side walk counsel at abortion mills girls and I stand outside and hold signs saying that I regret my abortion and I’m there to share that with them-by helping others see the great evil this is and the pain it inflicts on women (so much for helpingt them make “choices”-its a human being, not a choice)one heals.

    Please go to a retreat-it is run by very caring women, some post abortive and will do a great deal on your path to healing. It gives you a forum to talk about the “secret” and you learn that just because you made a bad choice, you are still that childs mother and you have a right to love him/her even though you let your fears get in your way of their right to life. It’s one of life’s toughers crosses but you don’t have to bear it alone-God wants you to heal and is waiting for you! If you place your pains at the foot of the cross, they become bearable and God carries it with you-it’s the only way to come to peace.

    Take good care-

  20. there is a wonderful book written about the appearance of Mary at medjugorje and how five people(drugs, new age, pornography etc) became born again as christians/catholics through repentance and prayer.

    As a male, I was touched by an apology letter the FATHER of the aborted child wrote to his deceased son in this book. I too got my girlfriend pregnant 20 years ago, She had a tubal pregancy that for lack of a better term, “aborted itself” so we did not have to make the “decision”, I recall being relieved as I did not love her and did not want to marry her. I was engaged in the me fest called yuppieville, late 80’s “me fest”.

    Looking back, I know we both would have chosen abortion so depsite my strong pro life upbringing and current stance? It makes me a hypocrite as when presented with this, I was leaning towards an abortion.

    This is why christians today are loathed by some, we are such hypocrites. We tithe, go to church yet we openly judge others, cheat in business, bear false witness via gossip, watch bad tv that openly mocks God via an almost gleeful approach to infedility, cheating, being mean, greedy etc. think about even tv shows like Greys anatomy, how is God served in that environment? What do our children think when they see us glued to this immoral type program?

    May God/Jesus forgive me for judging my wife and others who chose abortion when they were young, scared, and abandoned emotionally by the father. If you know someone in denial by being almost violently pro choice? PRAY FOR THEM. Its a defense mechanism they use to cover up shame. this type of trauma has been proven to rewire the brain too so intense denial is the only coping mechanism.

    Pray for them to convert their hearts and while doing that, get on your knees and pray to be forgiven for your sins, known and unknown. I have only begun to do this and God has opened my heart to compassion.

    lastly, find the copy of the mini series “jesus of nazareth”- mid 1970’s but the depiction of a empathic Christ is amazing. many of toddays alleged religious leaders are todays pharisees, they surround themselves with titles, privileges, wealth, status while judging.

    Are they holding a womans hand as she weeps with shame post abortion? Feeding the homeless? going into prisons to listen to those who are lost? Sitting with a 15 year old who has no father and thinks drugs and alchohol are “cool”.

    based on turning on the tv most sundays and seeing them in the 2k suits and lavish homes, I think not. These are the hypocrites Christ warned of.

    My point, stop judging, postulating, preaching etc, Like “mother theresa said, “DO”!

  21. (Mis)Understanding Abortion Regret – 2012

    As this analysis of women’s stories of emotional difficulty around abortion attests, some abortions are emotionally difficult. But not all abortions are difficult, nor is regret over the abortion decision always the source of any emotional difficulty. In several of the stories above, women’s emotional difficulty around abortion had nothing to do with fetal loss and instead had to do with the social circumstances and expectations they experienced.

    For some women, the experience of social disapproval of abortion made the abortion experience difficult, as friends and significant others worked to enforce feeling rules that subscribe to the dominant framing that women should feel badly about their abortions.

    For others, the romantic relationship loss that accompanied the abortion made the overall experience emotionally difficult. In both cases, women’s experience of emotional difficulty stemmed not from their intentions in choosing abortion but from the responses of others. Interactions about their abortions with key people in women’s lives can have potent—and negative—effects on how women attribute meaning to their abortion.

    These findings highlight the value of a symbolic interactionist approach that looks beyond interpretations of emotional difficulty around abortion as grief over fetal loss to attend to subsequent interactions and observations.

    Instead of saying some abortions are difficult; it would be more accurate to say that some circumstances can make abortion emotionally difficult.

    The final group of women discussed in this analysis (the head versus heart category) did experience emotional difficulty related to fetal loss, but their stories challenge advocacy for restricting abortion as a solution to their distress. Although one woman who articulated a conflict between her head and her heart expressed a wish to undo her decision to have an abortion, others did not. Some of the women in this category were clear that they would have made the same decision to have an abortion if they had the chance to do it all over again.

    Further, there is no evidence that restriction on abortion would have resolved their emotional difficulty; it would not remove the “head” part—a woman’s practical reasons for terminating a pregnancy—of the head/heart equation.

    It is also clear that restriction of abortion would not improve the experience of women in the other two analytical categories who felt emotional difficulty that was distinct from grief over fetal loss: it would not make friends and family more supportive of a woman’s decision to have an abortion; it would not make a boyfriend stay committed.

    Finally, this analysis leaves open the question of the consequences of emotional difficulty. Abortion rights opponents and advocates implicitly presume that regret is something to be avoided; the assertion that regret is harmful has not been challenged. Yet this is an important and untested assertion. This question enters the debate over the role of medication in speeding up the process of grief or mourning and avoiding depression and it engages arguments over whether or not grief is a “healthy” emotion and sadness a normal response within various circumstances. Future research should consider the social effects of so-called negative emotions like regret.

    Given the complexity of how some abortions come to be emotionally difficult, together these challenges to the dominant discourses on abortion regret emphasize the importance of attention to women’s lived experience. If and when an abortion is hard, that determination comes from taking the woman’s standpoint, rather than from some external position. The same goes for other forms of fetal loss or newborn relinquishment.

    In all scenarios, women need space for complex feelings and, pointedly, people in women’s lives need to make this space devoid of the feelings rules, politically inflected or otherwise, that frequently frame these discussions. The politicized debate over abortion regret has notably failed to provide space for complex feelings and, to the extent that it has contributed to social disapproval of abortion, likely contributes to the emotional difficulties some women experience.


    *Read the Complete Scholarly Article Here

    • Unfortunately, your little essay allows that there is “complexity” surrounding women’s reactions to abortion but then seeks to definitively assert that these emotional difficulties do not attach to the abortion or loss of baby, except in symbolic way, since the “true” problem lies else where, if for example the loss of romantic love.

      A big part of the problem with your analysis, and that of the paper you cite (is it yours?), is that you (and the author) are trying to fit everyone’s experience into a model that just doesn’t fit everyone.

      The cited article, is even more intellectually narrow in that it does not even attempt to fairly represent what women, men, therapists, researchers, and those who are involved in post-abortion ministries and even “antiabortion” activity are actually saying — and certainly not the fullness of the complex, multifaceted issues at play.

      This misrepresentation appears right in the first paragraph of Kimport’s paper in which she tries to conflate all the complex issues involved in post-abortion reactions into being just about “abortion regret.” She then asserts, falsely, that “Antiabortion claimants argue women always attach to pregnancy (inevitably regretting abortion).”

      Notably, this exaggerated claim has no citation since it is simply a characterization. I’ve never seen this assertion made by abortion critics, especially those working in the field of post-abortion research or ministry.

      The loading of this characterization with terms like “always” and “inevitably” not too subtly suggests that “antiabortion claimants” are simple-minded in believing in only simple one-to-one cause and effect relationships: for every effect there is a single cause. What nonsense! Almost every human experience, including post-abortion reactions, are influenced by multiple factors and previous experiences.

      But after setting up her “straw men,” whose simple-minded views she is preparing to disprove, Kimport then asserts that her interviews with 21 women are sufficient “to empirically identify three sources of women’s emotional difficulty around abortion: social disapproval, romantic relationship loss, and head versus heart conflict.”

      Empirically? 21 interviews will answer all questions and empirically explain all reactions and interactions in the lives of women after an abortion???

      In short, while I am glad that Kimport took the time to interview 21 women and to begin thinking seriously about these issues, I consider it great hubris that she imagines that she knows more than everyone else who has studied these issues (much less lived through them). I also consider it intellectually dishonest, or at least intellectually lazy, for her to fail to understand and fairly represent the views of those with whom she disagrees.

      If she were to present her research as simply an attempt to add to what is already understood, that would be fine. But the simple truth is that she is not first to identify the three issues of “social disapproval, romantic relationship loss, and head versus heart conflict” as important factors in post-abortion problems. She is only the first to suggest that these three factors alone matter and that she is the first to have identified them and that all post-abortion problems can be conflated to just being a matter of dealing with “regret.”

      Clearly, what is needed is an honest pursuit of the truth. And toward that end, debate between those who disagree can be a healthy endeavor. But intellectual debate only truly occurs when both sides seek to understand and fairly represent the views of those with whom they disagree.

      Characterizations, omissions, and misrepresentations which are made to make one’s own opinions appear superior to those which are being characterized do not serve the pursuit of truth, they impede it.

      • Just like the plethora of studies you pulled to prove your point that women are psychologically damaged by abortion there are plenty of studies that conclude that they are not psychologically effected by it. And unlike the studies you quote mine are quite a bit more recent. [Oubli’s original post included a very lengthy “cut and paste” of copyrighted material from Planned Parenthood and other abortion advocacy groups. That material has been deleted to avoid copyright infringement.]

        • The studies we cite here, and the many which have been subsequently published, consistently show that abortion is statistically associated with a wide variety of mental health problems. They include the same studies cited by the copyright material you cut and pasted into your original post.

          Nearly every one of the studies your source cited also found higher rates of emotional problems after an abortion but the authors shift attention away from that finding by arguing that the higher rate of problems would be better explained away by blaming other factors, such as emotional upset over the loss of a romantic relationship, or a prior history of depression, as the “true” cause of the higher rate of emotional problems following abortion. None of these sources provide any proof that these alternative explanations are the “true cause,” they just seek to argue that unless abortion is the “sole cause” of subsequent mental health problems we should pretend that it is not a contributing cause to subsequent mental health problems.

          Our own position is that the strongest evidence that abortion can trigger, aggravate, or even be the sole cause of mental health problems is simply the testimony of self-aware women and the therapists who have successfully treated them for post-abortion problems. Indeed, this same evidence is so convincing that even pro-choice researchers and groups are forced to admit that at least a “few” women do have severe negative psychological reactions.

          The primary value of studies seeking to examine how often depression or anxiety or suicidal behavior, or other symptoms, occur after an abortion is not in “proving that women are psychologically damaged by abortion,” but rather in helping to get a sense of how often abortion may be contributing to the types of problems being identified by the women who are seeking post-abortion counseling.

          The bottom line is that negative reactions are not rare and they are not abnormal. Rather than politicizing the issue and trying to argue that we are “wrong” in asserting that the research “proves” that abortion “always” causes mental health problems, can’t we just all agree that some women do have significant mental health issues related to their abortion experience and work toward ways to help them?

  22. i just had one last April this year. i really want the baby but my parents forced me to abort it. they said its a devil’s child. i just can’t believe they would said that to their own grandchild. i tried my best to protect my child but in the end i lost. even before the abortion i felt it was wrong to abort the baby. now the feelings gets worse and i’m falling to pieces accusing myself not being able to protect my baby,my own life. i tried not to accuse myself but that feelings just can’t be stopped.now i lost interest in everything. i sleep to much but i look like i’m not having enough sleep, avoid talking to people that made me do abortion and avoid that clinic that they send me forcefully, no appetite because when i think of food i also accidentally think of my baby. unable to go anywhere anyplace that makes me not thinking about my baby and being in the medical field too just making it worse. i hate myself. i hate my life to be like this.

    my boyfriend does not know that i was forcefully asked to abort our baby. he too really wants baby. he even reminded me not to abort if i have it and he is willing to be responsible for it. both of us is legally in terms of age to have and keep the baby. when he found out he was ferocious and we got into big fight. then i am alone. my parents were happy that i broke up with him and that made me even more depressed knowing that they are the cause of all this.

    i just hope God forgives me and all of them. but my heart is still bitter and thinking that i’m the worse sinners of all and God will never forgive me. 3 days after the abortion i had a dream of my baby. in my dream he was nice to me, came and touched my cheek and kissed my forehead before saying ”mama”. i was touched got up and cried silently. i still can’t forget about it until now.

    • Dear J,

      My heart and prayers go out to you. I’m so sorry you didn’t have the resources and opportunity to escape the pressure your parents put you under. I also pray that your boyfriend will find it in his heart to understand and to no longer blame you. Most of all, I pray for both you and him, that you will be ablet o work through this grief and find spiritual healing and new strength knowing that God not only offers forgiveness but also transforming strength.

      If you have not yet read our page on finding a post-abortion healing program please do. If you need further help finding a program, please let us know.

      You are in our prayers.

  23. I just woke up from one of my nightmares and decided I would google abortion trauma and see what kind of sites I could find. I’ve read through everything on here and it makes me feel better knowing there are sites such as this at times when someone such as myself feels the need to educate themselves and perhaps reach out or enlighten others in a similar situation.

    I grew up in a broken home with only my mother and whomever she happened to be with over the years. I found out more and more lies as I grew older pertaining to my father or choices of who that might be and of my mothers promiscuity. I had discovered that my mother had had multiple abortions before having me at the same time as finding out she had lied to me about my father and I may never know who he was. I harbored so much resentment towards her for lying to me, always having childish thoughts that she had rid of my older siblings who could have saved me from my childhood traumas..never taking into account what my mother had to be dealing with in her own mind until I became a teenager and began to walk down the same path she had.

    My first relationship turned out to be the first thing I ever could truly relate to my mom about and that was being in love with an abusive man. Once it became more apparent to my family and there had been enough police involvement my family forbade me to see him, yet I chose to be young and naive despite what I should have learned from my mother and abusive stepdad.

    On my 18th birthday my senior year of high school I found out I was pregnant right as my relationship had been dissolving. When I told him he had a psychotic breakdown, driving in the most hazardous ways he could think of saying he should crash and kill us both and ending the threats with a knife to his throat. By this time no one in my family was speaking to me and I had been living with him…I had always been very against abortion and rather inclined to a family of my own over a career any day but I couldn’t shake the broken arm that had been shut in the door, the bruised hand prints around my neck or the many death threats ending with him running his truck head on into my car…. All I could think was if I had this child, not only would it be a permanent attachment to him, there was a very good chance of him taking my life or my child growing up in and abusive home like I had and that was the last thing I ever wanted. When considering adoption, when it came down to the last moments of my decision, I couldn’t bear the thought of someone else raising MY child..as selfish as that may sound it was what it was.

    My mother guided me through the process going with me to my first three appointments all of which had some mishap and had to be rescheduled only causing my emotions to grow nuclear…the day I finally went and everything followed through there were pro life “damn you” people everywhere which had not been the case my other visits. This made it that much harder as if I wasn’t already damning myself in my head and judging myself, there was a good thirty some people there to say everything I was thinking only more brutal and with gruesome pictures to exploit the point they felt so tediously to make.

    I chose abortion with anesthetic because I knew I wouldn’t have the heart to do it awake. One of the recurring dreams I have are of the beginning of my procedure, in fact this is what woke me up tonight and pushed me to share my story. I’m brought to a room and laid on a bed where they give me my IV and tell me to watch the mobile that’s hanging above the bed..before I do so, I look around and see to the right of the doctor is a series of jars with strange tubes attached and begin to feel nauseous but the meds kick in before I can say anything and the next thing I know I’m waking up in tears, sobbing so hard I can’t breathe. After about half an hour of calming me down and making me eat some chips I’m free to go and walking away with the most numb feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life. I usually wake up at the sobbing part though.

    Post abortion I began to abuse drugs and alcohol they were my only crutch. For the next 3 years I denied my pain and addictions even after having and underage consumption charge and losing two jobs due to partying. I was finally wising up the beginning of this year becoming sober and in a wonderful relationship when I found out..around my birthday AGAIN that I’m pregnant. You would never know from what I’ve told you but I am very wise for my age of 22 and I’ve seen a lot more than people twice my age but what really sucks about that is not taking what you learn from life and using it to your advantage. I stayed on a self destructive path that could have been easily avoided had I sought the help I needed. I have to say I’m very excited about this baby..I’m 18-weeks now 🙂

    The only thing is that the nightmares are back, the anxiety which had started to slow is back on full blast and I’m left with a lot of emotions I don’t know how to deal with. Although the woman in comments above me sounded ridiculously judgmental and on a naive nose up in the air high horse- I can’t completely disagree with her because I find myself wondering what will happen this time around. I’m nervous and the past seems to be floating back in ways I hadn’t expected. I do know I will be a great mother now, I just hope that my past choices won’t interfere with my relationship with this child!

    • I’m very happy to hear about the joy you are feeling about your new baby. He or she will continue to bring many blessings into your life.

      All I want to say is that now is an excellent time to start addressing any unresolved grief and guilt regarding a past abortion . . . precisely to minimize any effects these unresolved feelings can have on your relationship with this baby and your mothering decisions. Please read our tips on finding an appropriate post-abortion healing program and consider joining one ASAP. I am confident that it will help on so many levels.

      Also make sure your doctor knows about your history of abortion and helps you with this pregnancy alert to the fact that a past abortion increases the risk of premature birth. I don’t want to unduly alarm you, but if doctors are alert to this elevated risk they can take appropriate steps to reduce that risk.

      You are in our prayers.

  24. The comments and opinions are unbelivable . Everyone saying how you could never give up a life , have NEVER been in that situation ! So by trying to state your opinion and think that only your way is the ” right ” with out knowing any real factors makes you a judge mental person . It’s a tough decision , everyone had there reasons , they already have to live with the guilt , but adding to it isn’t going to help .

    • I think your jumping to conclusions and really haven’t read many of the comments and opinons on this site. Very few, if any, reflect anyone, much less “everyone saying how you could never give up a life.” The vast majority of people posting comments are women who have had abortions. They are talking about their personal experiences, and very few are declaring anything close to the view that “only their way is the right way,” (to paraphrase your characterizations. And finally, no one here is trying to add to anyone’s guilt. We are all trying to help people recover from any guilt, shame, and self-condemnation they may be feelings.

  25. I am sorry, but although I agree totally with what is above, this info cannot be used anywhere else as with a quick read through, there is no evidence given. Any one can say that scientists or Dr’s, or studies say???? but where is the proof of these studies please..Medscape says that there is no problems after abortions, and that studies done that show problems are wrong. I personally do not believe that at all but we need proof not hear say.. Medscape also says that there is no problems with immunisations which I know personally is wrong as my grand daughter died in my arms an hr after her immunisations and luckily I was able to get her breathing again, and my husband got a melanoma on the site of his immunisation, it has always stayed red.
    I believe that every woman/ man on this earth has the right to do with their bodies what they want, but not someone else’s body and a little person in or outside the body is a body on its own, if not fed either by the umbilical cord or bottle it will die.

    • The evidence in support of the statements in this article are the citations to peer reviewed medical journal articles as noted in the article. More medical studies can be found at http://www.AfterAbortion.org.

      As you noted, there are those, such as Medscape, who may claim that the “studies done that show problems are wrong,” but that is an opinion, not a fact. The fact is that all of these studies have been peer reviewed by medical experts and found to be plausible and in accordance with proper research techniques. Just as cigarette manufacturers complained for decades that the studies linking smoking to lung cancer were flawed, so abortion proponents can always complain that studies linking abortion to psychological or mental health problems are flawed. In fact, every study has some weaknesses. No study is perfect. It is impossible to do a double blind randomized trial of abortion — which would require impregnating a random sample of women and then randomly selecting half to undergo an abortion and the other half to carry to term. Short of such an unethical study, every study has limitations and cannot address every question that might be raised. That’s why defenders of abortion can always “raise the bar” and insist that more evidence must be found before they are willing to concede any risks to abortion. In short, it’s very politicized and abortion proponents are very adverse to admitting that abortion, which is supposed to help women, can actually be contributing to the problems women face.

  26. I jus had gone through dis a few months ago…my boyfrnd n i wantd to keep da baby bt for our family prblms we cannot kp it…i stil remembr da day..whn i was lying dwn in bed i was scrming da i dnt wnt to do dis i wnt to kp da baby i was begging to my boyfrnd…bt he said it to do it fr him..i luv him so much da i didnt gve a secnd thought n was rdy fr it….aftr dis abortin…i noticed da i was becuming mentaly sick..dere were outbrust of anger..i culdnt concentrt on my studies..for dis reasons my boyfrnd left me…i culdnt share it with nyone..its killing me frm inside…my mom doent knw anything about it..bt whn she noticed about my mental disoder she took me to a physiatrists…bt its nt helping me…um so much emotionaly brk now..my boyfrnd nw left me i tld him da reasons of my mental disodr bt he dnt trust me…bt nw da only way i think about my life is i want to end it because as days r passing my mental disodr is incerasing more…n i hav no one wid whom i cn share dis things wid

    • Please call one or more of the numbers at this link where someone can talk to you and help you find help.

      * Abortion Recovery Network at 1-866-4-MY-RECOVERY (1-866-469-7326)
      * Lumina: Hope and Healing After Abortion at 1-877-586-4621
      * National Helpline for Abortion Recovery at 1-866-482-LIFE (1-866-482-5433)
      * Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries at 1-877-HOPE-4-ME (1-877-467-3463)

  27. It’s been less then 2 week since I terminated my pregnancy and as someone who has been EXTREMELY pro-life my entire life I am disgusted with my choice. I have a three year old son married for 5 years. I found out my husband had an affair and in order to keep me from leaving impregnated me. He was appologetic about the affair wanted to baby to save things although I wasn’t hopeful about the strategy I wasn’t going to terminate a life over it. 2weeks later he was having another affair staying with the girl every night and basically kicking me out of our home. I felt termination was the only choice I had, I said I would do adoption and bc of his family being well off he threatened to get a lawyer to prevent me from doing so. I can’t believe I made the choice to do what I did I feel so low and truly believe that my living child would have been better off motherless then my soul feels knowing that I killed not only one child but found out the day of the procedure that it was twins. I will welcome any hell that tortures my life until the day I die bc I deserve it for what I’ve done.

    • Dear Michelle,

      My heart goes out to you. I understand the pain and confusion which led you to go against your life long beliefs, and now causes such severe pain, grief, and guilt.

      But please, I beg you, do not let the evil one pull you into despair or to convince you that you can never be forgiven and can never deserve happiness again.

      Don’t give up hope. Please reject every notion that your living child would be better off without you, recognizing such thoughts as just another temptation from the evil one who also convinced you, in despair, to have the abortion. He seeks to pull you lower and lower. Don’t let him.

      God is ready to not only forgive you, but also to give you graces to learn and grow from this experience. Please read these three posts about despair versus hope.

      It’s too late to undo the past. The best that you can do is to not let it rule you and destroy you. The best thing to do is to draw closer to God and to seek healing in His sight and in obedience to the graces He will bring to you and your family. Please reach out to a post-abortion healing program and get help. It is so early after your abortion that it’s going to take some time before you are ready to go through a program, but you should still reach out to find someone you can talk to whenever you need the support.

      You are in our prayers.

    • Michelle, i agree with El. Give it all to God. He will forgive you and help you heal. My heart goes out to you and I will be praying for you.
      God bless, Heather

  28. In Wikipedia’s article regarding abortion, states the following:

    “Abortion, when induced in the developed world in accordance with local law, is among the safest procedures in medicine.Uncomplicated abortions do not cause either long term psychological or physical problems.”

    Wikipedia is maybe the first site a pregnant woman is going to visit and learn about abortion. This paragraph almost sounds as abortion advertisement. And of course it is a lie, false and wrong. I tried to remove it and some people are dedicated to keep it up.

    • You’re right of course. Wikipedia is famous for cohorts of “watchers” who dominate controversial pages to push their perspective.

      I suggest that you add the pages related to abortion to your watchlist, so you will be emailed each time they are edited. When someone else tries to add more balance to the page, the “watchers” will try to delete it. That’s your chance to jump in and show support for the change.

      When changes are supported by others, such as yourself, it’s harder for the “watchers” to insist that the change is not supported by the community. If over time you can build up 3 to 5 active people who agree that the article is not balanced and can work together to make changes, you are more likely to have success . . . or at least be in a position to register a complaint with those who oppose your changes. The main place to stay active is on the talk page where you can try to show support from a number of editors for your changes.

      The main thing is to not “go it alone.” Watch for people whose edits you agree with, and then be very vocal in supporting their edits and hope they will do the same for yours.

  29. Please I meet a lady, after 5 years of proposing to her, she finally accept my proposal because of pressure I put on her. But last night she open up to me on why she is running away from me for along time. Reason being that she had abortion 4 times and now the doctor confirm to her that she can not mother a child meaning that her womb is destroyed. Please is there any any remedy to this? Is there anything that can be done for her to mother a child? I love her and I don’t think of leaving her. Thanks for your prompt response.

    • Obviously I don’t know the actual condition of her womb or Fallopian tubes. So I can’t tell you if there is no hope or maybe there is hope.

      It is possible that the doctor is certain that pregnancy is impossible due to something he or she has observed. On the other hand, it may be the doctor is just trying to convey that the risks of being unable to become pregnant and/or to successfully carry a pregnancy to term are very high. Almost certainly, the risk of miscarriage may be higher. But if she did become pregnant extra precautions can be taken to reduce the risk, especially if the doctor knows she is at higher risk of miscarriage. (She must be certain to tell any doctor treating a pregnancy about her past abortions.)

      All that said, my best advice is that if you love her, you do the best you can to continue to love her and to help her pursue whatever options you can both find to help her in her emotional healing. The fact that she kept this a secret from you for so long indicates how much of a burden it is on her heart. Your acceptance and support is very important to her healing.

      Whether or not the two of you can have children, only God knows. But that’s true for every couple, even those without a history of abortion. Personally, I’d take the concerns of the doctor as a warning not to get your hopes too high. Be prepared for the possible disappointment of being unable to have children. Would that keep you from marrying her? If not, then marry, be happy, and pray that with God’s blessing you may welcome children into the world despite the doctor’s concerns.

  30. Hi everyone, my names Rebekah and I am currently doing a topic in school that involves researching abortion and how it can have a mental effect on women. I would like to have a one on one conversation that will be totally confidential if anyone would be willing to share their story. Thank you

  31. Yes Becca Robinson I would be happy to help you if you still want to talk. I’ve had one and it has had a substantial terrible impact on me, twelve years later. I would do anything to change the irreversible fact.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *