It’s Not Wrong If You Are Hurting After Abortion

By Theresa Bonopartis

Every month, I get at least 15 new women and men looking for help regarding a past abortion. It is heart breaking to hear the anguish they are going through, but I know there is hope of healing, and so we connect them with people and places that will be able to help them get through this very real trauma.

There is something about participating in the death of your own child, that touches the deepest recesses of your soul. Some people claim it does not bother them at all. I would NEVER want to be one of them if that is true, but chances are, they are burying it. Often women of 80 and even 90 years of age come forward for healing. It catches up with you sooner or later.

That is why posts like this, “How Will I feel After Abortion“, make me so angry. The  repeated attempts to blame the emotions and dynamics of abortion on other life events is unjust and a down right lie, and they continue to feed it to women in a manipulative way.

“Serious, long-term emotional problems after abortion are as unusual as they are after giving birth. They are more likely to occur for certain reasons, for instance, if a woman has a past history of psychological troubles prior to the abortion, if she does not have supportive individuals in her life, or if she has to terminate a wanted pregnancy since her wellness or the health and wellness of the unborn child is at risk.

Eventually, most women feel alleviation after an abortion. Women tend to really feel a whole lot better after abortion if they could chat with encouraging people in their lives.”

The message to women is clear. “If your abortion is bothering you long term,  you must have had psychological problems before, or lack of support, because most people feel alleviated.” In other words, something is wrong with you if you are suffering from your abortion, as if taking the life of your baby is not a reason to be suffering! Of course, no problem, you can call the abortion clinic to help you get to the point of denial by allowing them to help you get over it!

Sadly, many women fall for this deceit and spend years struggling silently (with really no support as after the abortion most people who know do not even want to deal with you) with the loss of their child and the emotions surrounding it. My hope is that women who have gotten real help are speaking to other women who are suffering, and that they are able to find places to go to who acknowledge their feelings without making them feel like something is wrong with them, because there isn’t!!!! Women are not programed to take part in killing their children and that is enough reason to feel the way they do. Still, there is hope and there is healing…I know and so do countless other women because we have been there!

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Theresa Bonopartis is the founder of Lumina, which offers healing retreats for women, men and siblings impacted by abortion and those who aborted because of an adverse diagnosis. In addition, Lumina provides training for clergy members and mental health professionals on post abortion stress. 

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