Is it Ever “Too Soon” for Post-Abortion Healing?
By J. Kevin Burke
When is a woman “ready” to seek the deeper healing of her abortion pain? When is it too soon? Are post-abortion healing programs “too intense” for women in the first weeks and months after abortion?
In working with post-abortive women, one meets many women who are in an emotionally fragile state. Post-abortion counselors have a great desire to protect such women from that which might be too intense–or even too dangerous–for them to handle.
However, this can lead us to adopt treatment policies and procedures that may not respond to the deepest spiritual and emotional needs of clients suffering trauma and grief after abortion.
Some of these are: (1) that deeper healing cannot take place until after what would have been the natural end of the pregnancy–nine months; (2) that beginning the healing process before the nine-month period has ended will result in incomplete healing; (3) that women with suicide ideation are too fragile for intensive post-abortion counseling; and (4) that active symptoms of trauma make intensive post-abortion counseling inappropriate, especially soon after the abortion.
How Should We Respond?
We recently received this letter from a woman who went on a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat less than two months after her abortion:
Before the retreat, I never thought that the darkness would end. I wanted to die. If for no other reason than to get to my child and tell her I am sorry . . . to end the nightmares. I could not live with myself, with the flashbacks. I was in hell.
Your organization has saved me. I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat two weeks ago and may I just take this opportunity to thank you for an experience that has not only changed my life, but very likely has saved it. . . . After being on the retreat, after talking with those who had “been there,” who did not judge, who embraced me, listened to me cry, and rejoiced with me, I can say that my spirit has been lifted.
Like so many women, I was faced with a decision that is truly not ours to make, but under the power of fear and confusion, we make it. . . . My abortion was 59 days ago, and for as long as I live, I will regret this decision.
This is the same as it was before the retreat, but with the help of the beautiful people on my weekend, I can forgive myself, and realize that my daughter does too. This retreat gave my child dignity and gave me the strength to realize that while I made a mistake, the Lord will not turn me away from his Kingdom, nor my child. This retreat gave me the beautiful title of mother, something I would never have ever, ever thought of myself as because of my mistake in deciding to abort.
If I could go back 58 days, knowing what I know now, I never would have done this to my child, or to myself. I would have not listened to those who told me that it was the “right thing to do.” I would still have my daughter in my womb. I know that I cannot change the past; however, your retreat has taught me that while I will be sad still for a while, the sadness will fade.
According to the criteria of some post abortion counselors, this woman would have been “screened out” of a retreat because she was too fragile, had intense trauma symptoms, and was clearly not past the due date. This case involved suicidal ideation, but no plan and no immediate risk of suicide. However, without intervention–and with the increase in symptoms common to those who experience abortion as trauma–suicide or other self-destructive behaviors and an intensification and entrenchment of symptoms is possible.
When a client is asking for healing after their abortion, the sooner intensive intervention–such as is found in the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat process–happens, the sooner healing and the lessening or cessation of symptoms and acting out behaviors will occur. The development of acute psychological support in the mental health field supports this.[1]
As early as World War I, studies showed that early psychological support led to a reduction in psychiatric illness and suicide. In World War II, Erich Lindemann “explored the notion that swift psychological intervention and social support might facilitate constructive resolution of the grief process. For many, Lindemann’s work marked the beginning of the ‘modern age’ of crisis intervention.”[2]
Individual support and counseling, therapy, and perhaps an assessment for medication may be appropriate in a particular circumstance. However, to offer an intervention that does not respond to the deep level of trauma can be as problematic (and even life-threatening) as pushing someone into attending a retreat or other post abortion healing program when they are clearly not ready, or need other intervention (as in the case of an actively suicidal or psychotic individual).
Medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors working in Rachel’s Vineyard report that women have successfully completed a post-abortion retreat within weeks or months after an abortion, and that even individuals who express suicidal ideation typically show improvement during the retreat–improvement that seems to be sustained during follow-up.
They agree that dealing with the abortion as early as a woman chooses can prevent many serious symptoms from developing, as well as helping to prevent repeat abortions–a very real possibility with unresolved trauma and loss. In general, any client who is stable enough to come once a week or once a month to the office rather than be treated in an inpatient (hospitalized) setting would be expected to be well enough to participate in a retreat setting or post-abortion support group with benefit.
Aftercare is essential. Individual therapy and ongoing spiritual support needs to be offered, either through the post-abortion counselor or through a referral to resources in the woman’s area.
Clients who come to us before their due date in intense pain, but who are hungry for healing, may be quite appropriate for a post-abortion retreat or other intervention. Conversely, clients may appear cut off from their pain and grief, but aware they need help. This dissociation carries its own risks and often results in repetition of traumatic themes in relationships and future abortions.2
Post abortion healing providers should look at their own situations, their ability to offer aftercare or appropriate referrals, and other factors when assessing a client’s needs at a particular time. Some post abortion healing programs are not in the position to offer an intensive intervention to someone experiencing acute symptoms of trauma, but can offer other kinds of loving, caring support to a woman or man in pain.
However, an intensive healing–such as a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat–experienced in the safety, love, and comfort of a caring post-abortion ministry can be lifesaving for those who are most deeply wounded by their abortions. And for some individuals, that healing can’t come soon enough!
Kevin Burke, MSS, LSW, is a licensed social worker. He and Theresa Burke, Ph.D., LPC, direct Rachel’s Vineyard post-abortion ministries, which can be reached at 1-877-463-3463 or www.rachelsvineyard.org. Kevin can be reached by email at kburke@net-thing.net.
References
1. G Everly, Jr., “Emergency Mental Health: An Overview,” International Journal of Emergency Mental Health 1,3-7, 1999.
2. T Burke and D Reardon, Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion (Springfield, IL: Acorn Books, 2002).
