How to Become a Stealth Healer

You don’t have to talk to people about their abortions to open the door to post-abortion healing. You don’t even have to know whether a particular person has had an abortion or coerced someone else into an abortion. And you certainly don’t have to become a trained counselor or an expert in post-abortion issues.

All you have to do is take a few simple steps that can help open doors for friends and loved ones whose perspectives on this issue may be colored by deceptive political or other “one-size-fits-all” rhetoric. As a result, their hearts may be hardened and doors closed to a potential need to find or help someone else find post-abortion healing.

You can use this approach with people who have told you about a past abortion, with people whom you suspect are troubled by a past abortion, or just in any casual conversation or if someone else brings up the topic of abortion. F

In every case, since so many people have been directly or indirectly affected by abortion, it’s good to plant the seeds that can lead to future healing for others. It’s also good to remind people on all “sides” of this issue that most abortions are unwanted or coerced and many are forced. Snap judgment and stereotypes abound, so it’s good to update people about new evidence and about abortion’s abuse of and risk to the fundamental human rights of both the unborn and women. For those already hurt, many factors may influence where they are in the healing process. Many have related issues – such as a failed support network, coercion from loved ones, or betrayal by trusted medical or other professional counselors. We cannot presume to know issues related to individual culpability nor are you trying to define or complete the healing process for a particular individual. Part of the healing process may involve a better understanding on our own part of abortion’s risks and injustices to women, too. Toward that end, we can all help by better educating individuals, leaders and society with new evidence in user-friendly formats that most abortions are unwanted or coerced; many forced and that homicide is the leading killer of pregnant women. For those already hurt, the healing process is often a long one. It may require the help of professionals in the psychology, pastoral, legal or medical fields. Certainly a better understanding on our own part is part of the healing process, too.

Here are a few steps that also can help break down some of the obstacles toward discussing this issue and that can open the door to healing.

In a simple, conversational way, remind people that: (1) People are coming to a new understanding of the abortion issue, including the fact that most abortions are unwanted or coerced, and the many varying reasons that people have abortions and how it affects them;

(2) It is heartbreaking that so many women and men have been personally hurt by abortion and that snap judgments and stereotypes about this issue abound. Often, public perceptions don’t adequately reflect what’s really going on;

(3) I think we can do a better job of reaching out to people facing an unexpected or challenging pregnancy. (4) I think we need to tell people about new programs that help women and men find hope and healing, including burdened by the secrecy and shame that often surround these issues.

The steps can be simply summarized as (1) announcing your new understanding, (2) expressing your compassion, and (3) acknowledging that post-abortion harm and heartbreak challenge all of us to better respond to the needs of women, men and families facing an unexpected or challenging pregnancy or situation, and (4) mentioning new programs that help with outreach and healing.

Many people have been personally wounded in direct or indirect ways by issues ranging from unwanted, coerced or even forced abortion, domestic abuse or violence, feelings of betrayal by wolves in sheep’s clothing … even in medical, social-service, educational or even pastoral circles, and other deeply personal issues. Personal culpability can also vary widely. To respect these boundaries, aoid pressing for details or presuming issues surrounding a past abortion or any personal involvement in abortion. (Learn more about widespread coercion and other psychological and physical risks surrounding abortion, presented in user-friendly handouts to share at http://www.theunchoice.com)

In the briefest of examples, your response might be as simple as saying:

“I read an interesting article that gave me a whole new understanding of why women have abortions. I never really understood before how much pressure that many individuals and couples may face And I didn’t realize before how often public and political rhetoric or spin can make them feel caught in the middle or judged and condemned by others. These and other issues can really make it hard for them to find the type of help they need. It can also interfere with the grieving process.

Did you know that most abortions are unwanted or coerced? Did you know that on average it takes around ten years for women to recover emotionally from a past abortion? The good news is that more people are aware of these issues and that hope and healing are possible. More people are getting involved and helping in the journey toward healing. There are a lot of new programs now to help women and men who are dealing with post-abortion problems.”

You have planted the seeds. Perhaps someone will ask for more information, in which case you can give them a copy of our list (in downloadable formats) of pregnancy- and post-abortion healing resources, or other user-friendly, evidence-based educational materials, designed for general audiences. Or, you can share more about what you already know about this issue. But at the very least you have planted the seeds. Those who have had abortions now know that you are someone who can understand and empathize with their feelings, and moreover, that you may know more about how to find healing.

Just remember these three key words:

• understanding
• compassion
• hope

The first step, expressing a new understanding, respects the mind. The second step, expressing compassion, soothes the emotions. The third step, offering hope, feeds the spirit. By developing understanding, compassion, and hope surrounding this issue in millions of women and men, including both those who have had abortions and those who have not, we can quickly create a much more loving and healing environment for those who are burdened by a direct or indirect involvement in a past abortion.

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Copyright 1998 Elliot Institute. (Portions of this article were adapted from “The Jericho Plan: Breaking Down Which Prevent Post-Abortion Healing, by David C. Reardon (Springfield, IL: Acorn Books, 1996). See also DOs & DON’Ts

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