Are You Suffering from Post-Abortion Stress?
If you have had an abortion(s), you may be suffering from post-abortion stress. Answering the following questions can help you figure out how the abortion(s) may have effected your life.
- Do you find yourself struggling to turn off feelings or memories related to your abortion(s)? Do you need to keep reminding yourself to just forget it or put it behind you?
- Do you become uncomfortable around reminders of the abortion, such as being around babies, pregnant women, doctor’s offices, or when hearing news reports about abortion?
- Do you feel nervous or anxious at the idea of telling a loved one about your abortion? Is your abortion a secret that is holding you back from greater intimacy with others?
- When you do choose to share your abortion experience with others, are you overcome with strong feelings such as anger, sorrow, grief, or guilt?
- Do you have trouble talking about the abortion issue as a political issue? When you do talk about it, do you find it hard to respect opposing views, or do you becoming overly emotional, either in support of or opposition to it?
- Do you have an unhealthy sense of fear that you, your loved ones, or your other children will be hurt or killed? Are you “smothering” or overly protective of your children?
- Do you tend to look at life in terms of “before” and “after” the abortion(s)? Has the abortion changed the way you look at yourself? Are there traits about your “self” before the abortion that you lost but would wish to regain in your life? Do you become angry or depressed more easily?
- Have you experienced “reconnectors” to your abortion, such as nightmares, flashbacks, or hallucinations, such as hearing a baby cry?
- Was there a period after your abortion when you experienced an increase in the use of alcohol or drugs (illegal or prescription)? Have you experienced other forms of emotional deadening?
- Have you experienced any suicidal thoughts? Do you take risks that put your life in danger? Do you try to hurt yourself? Have you developed any eating disorders?
- Have you lost interest in taking care of yourself? Do you care about how you look? Have you tried to become less attractive to avoid the risk of becoming involved in a relationship, love, and sex?
- Do you have trouble with finding, building, or maintaining good relationships with people of the opposite sex? Do you have trouble with issues of trust and control? Do you get involved in hurtful or abusive relationships? Do you tolerate abuse because you don’t feel you deserve any better?
- Is there an increased distance between you and your parents or siblings because of the past abortion(s)? Is there tension between you and others because the abortion is something everyone avoids talking about?
- Have you lost the desire for sexual intercourse? Do you have increased pain during intercourse? Have you become promiscuous because of low self-esteem? Have you lost your desire to have children?
- Do you experience periods of depression, heightened anxiety, or cramping during certain months of the year, particularly during the months that would correspond to the month of your abortion(s) or the due date of the aborted pregnancy?
- Have you lost your faith? Have you lost a sense of God’s peace? Do you think God still loves you? Are you afraid of God? Have your rejected belief in God for emotional reasons rather than thoughtful reasons?
If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms of post-abortion stress, counseling may help.
Skilled and understanding people want to help. Many have been through the same things you are going through now. There are many post-abortion counselors and support groups, often run by women who have had abortions, who can help you find out how to deal with your experience.
Find Help for Post Abortion Stress
Learn More About Post-Abortion Stress
- Risk Factors for More Negative Reactions to Abortion: A Self-Evaluation Sheet
- It’s Not Wrong If You Are Hurting After Abortion
- Finding Healing After Abortion
- Personal Stories About Abortion and Healing
- Articles on Hope & Healing
- To Those Who Mourn
- Men & Abortion
- For Teens: No One Told Me I Could Cry
- Yes, There is Help & Healing After Abortion
156 thoughts on “Are You Suffering from Post-Abortion Stress?”
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I had an abortion exactly 2 months ago on Wednesday 11th September. 3 days after the father went on holiday to New York & ignored me for 3 weeks. I almost didn’t wake from the anaesthetic. He didn’t text, call, post…nothing. He came back & called me but I hung up, I owed him nothing considering how he treated me but also a sense of pure shame & indescribable fury at myself washed over me.
Then he had the audacity to call me rude, such a sensitive time & that’s all he could say about me. I snapped & cussed him out telling him that I was aware of all his lies & illegal activities.
I’ve completely shut down, I’m constantly exhausted partly from the constant crying & the growing hatred of day to day life. I’m terrified of sex, I can’t imagine myself with anyone else & worst of all I despise myself. Not an hour passes where I don’t think of my child that I killed for some stupid boy & that maybe if i kill myself I’ll be as happy as I was before this all happened.
Dear Cherie,
I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. Please don’t give into despair. There are women who have been exactly where you are who are now helping others along the path of healing. I hope you will reach out and talk to one of these women soon.
There are tips and a list of ministries and phone numbers that you can call on our page of tips and resources.
Hang in there! Please reach out for help….https://afterabortion.org/help-healing/
My friend had done abortion before 8 months ago .she didn’t want to tell to her parents and she had to take medicine two time because some has remained in her uterus . Dose after 8 month any one specially doctor will say that she had done abortion ? Even she is suffering from irregular meansuration. Does her parents can know from doctor after 8 month?
She should see a doctor if she’s having problems. I suggest that she tell the doctor about the abortion in case that helps the doctor to give her the best treatment. If the doctor doesn’t know, the doctor may not consider the right treatment.
Most doctor’s won’t tell parents about an abortion that happened so many months ago, especially if she tells the doctor she doesn’t want it mentioned to her parents.
It is important for her to get treated because any infection that is not cured may cause health problems in the future, including infertility.
I had an abortion two weeks ago. It happened so fast. I just had my follow up and am no longer pregnant. However, I feel so empty. The pain was intolerable and although the guy was there for me, I felt so alone. In a way, I have anger because his life went back to normal. However, mine just froze. I don’t feel like doing anything, so I force myself. I feel alone, empty and speechless. I don’t regret my decision, but I do feel like I can’t move on. I wish I could explain the feeling that I get. I feel like no one will understand how I feel or why I feel this way if I am not pregnant anymore. I just wish I could move on from all of this.
Dear Jenn. You are not alone. The feelings that you are going through are common following an abortion. Many women experience them right away, as you have, while they may hit others years later. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t make it easy to talk about these feelings, or even to feel understood, unless you find someone who has been through a similar experience.
If you need someone to talk with, whether for just a few minutes or for hours, consider calling one of the post-abortion healing hotlines listed on our page of tips and resources for post-abortion healing.
Don’t lose hope. But also, don’t feel like you need to shoulder this by yourself. A patient, understanding ear could help you in many ways.
I am 23yr old.It’s been a week after my medical abortion…my boyfriend(the father) and i doesn’t live in same country.he come once in every year…i took his mom’s help in getting medical abortion,my family still do not know anything about this.
At this stage of my life after abortion i’ve become so weak physically and mentally.Everyday i feel so alone n lonely,everyday i cry and have so much regret that i lost my first child like this.
I’m not a independent women till,i was already struggling to get a good career and than this happened,now everything looks so meaningless and useless whether it’s my career or life. I got suicidal thoughts everday.I am so hopeless right now.
Praci, I am so sorry. Please do not give in to despair or lose hope. Right now everything is still very fresh for you and no doubt things feel very hopeless. You have been though a lot and you need support, time and help to heal. Nothing is past hope and no matter how badly you are feeling right now, things can get better. Please don’t give in. If you are seriously thinking of ending your life please reach out for help and find someone who can help keep you safe. Do you have anyone you can trust to talk with you and help you through this? A family member, friend, pastor, counselor? If you are a Christian or believe in God please know that He is there with you, He loves you and knows the depths of your despair — and He wants to give you His Mercy, healing and grace.
I would suggest visiting the Rachel’s Vineyard web site to find out about how you can heal and seek support. They are an international organization, but even if they don’t have a branch in your country you can seek support by email. You can also email me at elliotinstitute@gmail.com to let me know where you are from and I can try to find a support group or counselor for you, even if it it someone you can contact by phone or text if you can’t visit them.
I had a surgical abortion about 9 months ago. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 8 weeks along. At first I wanted to keep the baby, I picked names, got excited. But almost immediately after seeing the ultrasound, reality hit. My fiance at the time was hopping jobs, just wasn’t stable enough for a child. And I wouldn’t allow myself to raise a child alone, as my mother did. I wanted better for my child. That’s something I couldn’t offer. So I decided to have abortion.
For those of you who don’t know abortions are very very expensive. And having less than 3 weeks to figure out financially how to come up with the money before it was too late seemed impossible, but I did it.
I remember everything, I remember seeing my baby dancing on the ultrasound. And I remember the room filled with all kinds of women waiting for there turn to get rid of their babies. As I sat there with my fiance, I couldn’t really process what was about to happen only able to listen to the people chanting outside about how wrong we all were. I took the medicine they gave, and soon started to feel light-headed and overly tired. As they called me and three other girls to the back, we all took turns changing into a nursing gown. As we all sat feeling as though it was happening to soon, I began to feel the anxiety, the panic, but I continued to wait as I cried. Once my turn came up to have the abortion, the nurse lady had to keep holding me down as I was on full panic mode, filled with the sense of being violated as the male doctor sat and looked at my personal area before he actually began. The pain last about 10 minutes, then the emptiness hit almost immediately. As if my body could feel the child being pulled from me. I screamed out, as loud as I could as the pain over came my body. I couldn’t think of anything but how cold the fetus/baby must be. I laid there crying for a few minutes after, then turned my head to see the baby was laying on this doctor’s table with a small cloth underneath it, and blood everywhere. It was as if the baby was calling out to me. I wanted to wrap it up. To keep it warm, to nurture it. But it was too late.
As they helped me out and back to the lobby where my fiance was I fell to my knees and began to cry. I didn’t know what else to do but I couldn’t breathe and the pain was surreal. As he tried to comfort me, there was nothing he could do to make me feel better.
Here we are, months later, just barley passed my delivery date. And yet I still have nightmares, about my baby crying and me running for her/him but right when I find the baby something takes it away from me. Its something I can’t talk about, as it hurts too much, I get panic attacks often, anytime I go to the doctors office I freak out I get panic attacks. And I feel as though it is because of the doctor. I felt violated, even before he began the procedure.
I get angry when I see pregnant women, I get envious and annoyed quickly with children. And I can’t watch movies with young babies, as it gives me a sense of panic. I have break downs, and often look to my ultrasound photos.
Not long after my fiance ended up cheating on me. Being so young and had moved states away from my family to be with him, just makes it all the worse. I feel like nothing. Just this huge sense of nothingness. I don’t think he ever truly cared for me or the baby. Maybe he did but he never showed it only, spoke it. I paid for the procedure myself and will forever pay the price. I’m not hugely religious, however I feel as those I have gone against everything right. No child should ever be killed, especially from it’s own mother.
I was diagnosed when I was 12 with clinical major depression. And I learned to control it for years. After rehab and therapist. But after this abortion, I feel as those I lost a part of my soul. Something I don’t think I will ever find or feel whole again. I don’t know what to do. I am lost and alone and scared. I need help.
Dear Jenae,
My heart and prayers are going out to you. Everything you have described is relatively common.
If you have not yet read our page on tips and resources for post-abortion healing, please do. I encourage you to call one or more of the hot lines so you can speak to a woman who has been through the same kind of pain but has now progressed in healing . . . precisely so you will know that others can understand you and that there is hope. You can heal. You are not alone. There are many great programs out there. So if at first you don’t succeed, please try again. I’m sure there is a right one for you.
You are in my prayers.
When I was 17 I had an abortion in 1972. Since then I have never forgotten about that child. One day before my mother died I asked her why years later I couldn’t form a bond with my two sons. She didn’t have an answer and today I found out that not being able to bond with other children is symptomatic of one who has aborted a child. I named the child Tiara. Not a day goes by I don’t miss her. I was misguided back then and was told an abortion was easier than taking out the trash. I want to apologize to my baby in heaven. I want to let her know I love her and think about her at the same level in which I think about my two sons. Tiara I am sorry I let Planned Parenthood kill you. I love you with all of my heart. I will love you until I die.
Thank you for sharing your story. You and your family are in our prayers.
I had an abortion in 1980 and I was 14 years old. I told my best friend that I was pregnant and the next thing I know her mother set everything up for me to have the abortion. I didn’t even know what it was .. the after effects have been traumatic to say the least! I remember everything about that day, what I wore ( it was St Patrick’s day) while people were worried about getting pinched I was killing my child. I remember how they had us all in a group like cattle, they went over the procedure and left the instruments out in tables for us to look at along with cheese and crackers … I found that to be very barbaric! They told me I was between 12-13 weeks along and over the deadline but they would do it anyway. After it was done , no one told me anything , no check up after, no psychological help etc.
I’ve have severe depression on and off , was suicidal as a teen, I went on to have 4 sons who are my life and my sunshine along with one grand daughter that means the world to me!
But if this world ever said that anyone who has had an abortion would have to go to prison , I’d go in a heartbeat … I’ve lived in my own prison inside my heart and head for 37 years! Prison would be a piece of cake! You could never ever convince me that abortion is the right thing to do ever in a million years!
Hello Olivia, I am so sorry for your pain and loss. You were just a child yourself and should never have had to go through something like that. I am so sorry that you were pushed into it without even knowing what was happening. You and your child were both abandoned in this situation — you deserved better.
It sounds like you have carried this pain, regret and feelings of guilt for a long, long time. Please know that no matter what your heart tells you, you shouldn’t have to stay in this prison and you DO deserve a chance to be free and to heal. Yes, it is right to mourn your child and all that you lost — no one should ever try to downplay that or the anguish that you feel. But no matter what, God and others still love you and you deserve healing and hope.
I hope if you are on our site that means you’ve looked around and had a chance to visit our healing page. If not, you can go there to read about the healing process, and most important — find someone to talk with. There are many organizations that have both professional counselors and/or other women who have been there and want to offer help and support. Having someone to listen without judgement, mourn with you and help you learn how to heal from this pain is so important and can change your life. Please, please reach out to someone in one of these groups — the help is free and confidential and they would love to talk with you.
If you aren’t ready to actually make a phone call, you can also reach out for online help through the Rachel’s Vineyard web site. They offer support through email as well as a Q&A forum where you can ask questions about healing, etc. You can also contact Option Line for support through Live Chat or text (text HELPLINE to 313131
Hello..hi had surgical abortion in 5 months…my family didn’t know about it..I wanted to keep the baby, so I kept it very long till 5 months..but my boyfriend was afraid and didn’t want to spoil his name..so we did surgical abortion..I delivered my baby…it was a baby boy..after delivery my baby was kept in a tray..I can’t forget that image as my baby was dead..now I miss him very lot..his tiny hands and legs…he was so cute like an angel…I can’t forget it..I miss him every single moment I cry a lot..I feel guilty for what I did.. I just want my baby and God to forgive me.. I have lot of heartache by reminding that.. I just want to die…I won’t feel good…even now I am far from my boyfriend…this too hurts me a lot…he said that we will get marry soon when he settles..but here it’s hurt my me second by second day by day…I just want to die..first I lost my baby..and secondly I’m far from my boyfriend…I don’t feel to live my life
Dear Sanam,
My heart and prayers go out to you. Do not give into despair! God wants you to find healing. He wants to draw you into his forgiveness and to bless you with children in the future. Through your remorse you can open your heart to learning all that God can teach you through this experience so that you can become wiser, stronger, and an instrument of compassion for other in need.
Please read our page of tips on finding a post-abortion healing program. It would be very helpful for you to have other women to talk to who have been through a similar experience and can guide you on the path of healing. Being able to share your story, in person, with others who are understanding, compassionate, and and filled with confidence that they can help you along the path to recovery will make a big difference.
If you would like to receive additional responses to your comment on our web site, with words of encouragement and advice from others, please let me know. If you do, we will send out an invitation for others to post comments which will be forwarded to you.
You are in my prayers, Sanam. Do not give up hope. I know your grief feels overwhelming. But there are so many people out there who want to support you, listen to you, hug you, and guide you through this grief and healing process. You will make it through this. You will learn from your mistake. You will be given new opportunities.
How are you doing? Is there anything more we can do for you?
August 2nd will be 2 months. I almost don’t feel like typing this comment or posting for that matter. I am someone who enjoys her privacy. I just can’t stomach how I feel anymore. I have been bleeding since the day and haven’t stopped. Often I feel fatigued and nauseas as I was the entire three months I was pregnant. Yes 3 months. I believe that’s 13 weeks. I am not the most feminine person as I never had a sister. I was never the girl that counted the days till her period and gushed over babies. None of the girly aspects of being a woman seemed to interest me. I have always struggled with depression, self harm and suicidal tendencies. I have always been costing through life with the longing it will all make sense one day as all the self help books and anyone you speak to about suicide say in the same generic tone. If you have never felt worthless enough to end it all it’s hard to understand. I grew up in a verbally and physically abusive home which i long repressed. I did not come to this development until I met the love of my life.
This was more than a fling and more than an affair. As I was in a relationship when we met as well as him being my Manager at the store I was working at the time. When I imagined the perfect man I don’t think, I know it was him. Perfectly damaged sociopath who loves animals and has the same taste in art that I do. Everything from reading to music, he has everything I would want in a lover that i never dreamed of because that person couldn’t exist. We got along well, I hated him at first because he’s critical and would try to chop me down to size. Often he tells me this was to see how much i could take and clearly I was strong enough to earn his love. The perfect bastard to love and nothing could’ve been better. He had a 4 year relationship that ended a year ago and was still living with his ex. How could I argue, I had a boyfriend. Once my boyfriend and I were over I made time and cleared my life for my perfect sociopathic bastard. We made it official that January. Bonding over how awful we are as people. Our depression. Suicide. I can’t express how much I loved him, I still love him.
Everything clearly started falling apart when I started to need him. I guess I got so desperate he was pushed away. A junkie waiting for her next fix, i would sell my fucking soul to feel that love again. In the midst of our ups and downs we still felt immensely connected. Often when were would have sex he would tell me he wanted to finish inside me. We would always joke about it. Saying we were going to blast Black Sabbath in headphones for the baby to hear. That we would have beautiful mixed babies with dark hair and blue eyes. We spoke about how smart our children would be and how we would love our kids the way we never received affection as adolescents.
He came inside me twice within the course of a weekend. Purchased plan B and told me to make the decision. I took the contraception 72hrs later. He was even saddened by the notion. He said “i knew you were bluffing about children”. I wasn’t. I ended up pregnant around March.
I wanted so much for my child to have everything but I am broke currently, of course that was a concern of my own as well as his living situation with the ex gf that for some reason barred me from visits. Supposedly she doesn’t want anybody there not just myself but i did not trust it. As my pregnancy went along I downloaded an app to watch babys growth. I was thrilled but alone. He just seemed to disappear more often he claims he was prepping often i feel he was running away and i was scared to be left with a child. I had already gone through an abortion at 17, I am now 25. That situation didn’t have an impact as i was barely even a month along. Still hard although not as heavy as talking over your life with someone then have them back out last minute. I was getting so sick and fatigued. I needed to be around him to take care of me. So naturally, i started seeing my ex more. I was broke and he would feed me. Give me money to eat and nurse me through my mysterious stomach illness. All the vomiting seemed a bit weird, then my breasts grew and yet it still wasn’t that odd to him. At this point I am two months and about to lose my job with how sick I get. It was crippling.
All i wanted was the father of my child there for me. All my exhaustion was just normal to him and wouldnt take me serious. He would talk about termination, he worries we weren’t ready and it was a mistake. Although he’s against abortion? I started to feel guilty about using my ex. He loved me then to see me love someone else in that manner and have his baby in a such a small time frame. Eventually I ended up sleeping with my him. Bastard boyfriend was unavailable after i questioned his ex towards our situation.
Three months now and he broke up with me. Thats when I slept with my ex. How could someone do this to me? Talk me up to a family then take it away? How could someone be so cruel? I’m too emotional to finish. Long story short I made a mistake. It never should have been about relationships and who im with because even though i was physically alone and depressed over my relationship the three months I spent with baby were the best of my life.
Baby had cravings and didnt like certain people its so strange. I am a spiritual person. I connected with the life i grew inside. enjoyed things i usually hated. getting to know my baby. i would never have been alone again. before it all came crashing i got a sonogram due to pains i was having and i saw baby. baby had my face. i still keep the photos by my bed and the clinic wristband. what have i done? ill never get to hold you. ill never get the chance. i sat in the clinic and played soft music because i knew it was time. my stomach felt sick like baby knew too, it was the end of us. i laid on the table and cried hysterically. i cried going to sleep and i cried when i woke because i forgot where i was, then i noticed i was bleeding and lost my fucking mind. i have been bleeding ever since and have cuts on the inner lips of my vagina. as well as abdominal pain/ vomiting. my ob said it could be an infection. i didnt take the medication. it often feels like im dying which parts of me hope for. and i loved my baby so much more than anybody could understand i had every intention on still being pregnant at this moment. i cry everyday like someone died. i did. we did. im a disgusting human being. the last thing i said was im sorry. im so sorry my beautiful angel. God forgive me. If I die of infection or can no longer conceive. I deserve it.
There is no place I would rather be than with my children.
Dear Grimm,
First of all, I am so very sorry about this experience and all the pain and trauma you have suffered. I’m sorry about the abuse you suffered as a child and how it has affected you. No one should have to go through that and you did not deserve to be treated like that.
Second, you are not a disgusting human being, but someone who — no matter what it may seem like to the contrary — is loved by God who knows, understands and wants to forgive and heal all that is broken in your life. God — and we — don’t want you to live with guilt and pain, but to see you healed, whole and free. Please don’t give up or think that you are forever lost. I’m sure this sounds very trite and I wish I knew how to better convey what I mean. But you don’t have to keep reliving this or be trapped forever in this cycle of grief and regret.
If you are having physical complications, please go back to your OB or find another doctor who can treat you. The problems could be serious or lead to long term complications down the road, so you need to get checked out and properly treated. Please don’t think that this is not important due to your emotional state and get the help you need.
We are an information/education group only, but there are a lot of organizations out there that offer counseling and support for women after abortion. I don’t know if you have sought counseling or have anyone to talk to about what you are experiencing. If you haven’t already done so, please visit our healing page and consider talking to someone at one of the support groups listed there. I promise you they will not judge you or offer cliches, but are there to listen, talk and walk with you through this grief and pain. This support is confidential and free. If you aren’t ready to talk to someone on the phone, consider contacting Option Line through text (text HELPLINE to 313131) or live chat. You can also find email support at Rachel’s Vineyard or get information from a counselor through their question forum (also maybe consider reading some other women’s stories on their site to see how they overcame their pain and despair).
If you are feeling suicidal or like giving up, please seek help immediately! Your are precious and your life matters — no matter how despairing you are or feel like you don’t deserve love or healing, your life is too important to throw away. Right now you are in a very dark place and it may feel like there is no hope and things will never get better. But that isn’t true — please don’t give up! I am not a counselor, but you can email me at elliotinstitute@gmail.com if you want (although please definitely consider contacting a counselor at one of the support groups as well).
I had an abortion about 9 months ago. I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant in Oct by a guy who I was dealing with for about 6 months. He already had two children from a previous relationship. When I told him I was pregnant he asked me what was I going to do, so you know what that meant. At the time I called him and said I was going to get an abortion. I didn’t really process the entire situation, I just felt like at the time that was the right thing to do. However, as my due date has past, I have cried and felt a sense of guilt. I hate seeing other pregnant women because I feel like that could have been me. I decided to abort my first child because of my own selfishness, but I wish someone would have told me the mental impact an abortion has on you. I can’t seem to get over this situation at all. I think about my unborn and all the possibilities.
Thanks for writing. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. It’s not uncommon for negative feelings to show up or intensify after the due date has passed, or around the anniversary date of the abortion. Seeing pregnant women, babies, or children can also be triggers, as you have described.
I strongly encourage you to reach out to a post-abortion healing program. Please read out tips on finding the right program for you, where you will also find contact information. You may also find some insight and comfort from reading a book on abortion recovery, like Forbidden Grief.
There are a lot of women who have been through what you are going through now who want to help you. Give them a chance. I promise you will be glad that you did.
I had an abortion about 3 weeks ago. I am unable to feel happy for other women around me and feel somewhat jealous of people with children. I became pregnant by accident, and never thought I’d have to make this choice . I keep wanting to go back and change my decision, it’s weird because now I want a baby so bad and never did before. I’m just lost and confused.
What you are experiencing is very common. There is a whole chapter in Forbidden Grief on the impact abortion can have on maternal feelings and being around pregnant women, children, and babies. It may help to get a copy from your library to learn how to better recognize these and other symptoms and how women deal with them.
I also strongly recommend that you read our tips and resources page on post-abortion healing programs. There is nothing like having the support and friendship of other women who have been through the same thing you are going through who can offer understanding and support.
It will take time, but I am confident that you can not only work through these feelings but heal and grow.
I had an abortion shortly two weeks ago and although I feel okay with decision my boyfriend and I both decided on making, when trying to have sex, I had anxiety through the roof and ended up in the bathroom balling my eyes out and I can’t explain why. I know that I couldn’t have brought a baby into this world. It was not the right time. I just want to know if this is normal? Has it happened to anyone else? Will it always be like this? Him and I have been together for 5 years and I really don’t want this to be a reason him and I break up or anything. I just don’t know what to do. Im fine on a day to day basis but the second we tried to get intimate it just hit me. Any help is greatly appreciated
It is not uncommon for post-abortion reactions to manifest in relation to sex. Negative feelings related to unresolved loss, grief, or shame may be subconsciously attached to either intercourse, your boyfriend, or both. I strongly encourage you to reach out to a post-abortion healing program or perhaps read a book like Forbidden Grief on abortion recovery.
I had abortion a week ago and this is still haunting me. I can’t stop crying. I regret why did i listen to my sisters? Now I can’t find peace on my sleep, again. I think I was so scared because I found out that I’m HIV positive. So my sisters advised me to have the abortion, and now it is haunting me day and night. What can i do?
I’m very sorry to hear what you are going through. Please, do not give up hope. There are many women who have been through similar experiences who now want to help you. Please call one of the post-abortion helplines listed on this page.
I had an abortion a year ago. I hardly knew the father of my baby. When I told him I was pregnant the first thing he said was “you know you’re not keeping it right.” I hid the pregancy from my family until I was about 15 weeks along. I was afraid to tell my mom because she suffers from diabetes and was very ill at the time. I finally told my mom,who was completely shocked and had a mild stroke a few days later .My parents did not want me to keep the baby ,even my friends felt it was best to abort the baby. I felt so alone, all I needed was for just one person to be happy about my pregnancy. I agreed to the abortion because I felt guilty, I knew I was the cause of my mother’s stroke and I just wanted her to get well again. I hate the father of my baby, I know it’s wrong but I hate him. I hate myself too. The worst part is that my older sister fell pregnant a few months later. She named her baby Kevin (the name i wanted to give to my unborn baby). Maybe God is trying to tell me something. I know it doesn’t make sense, but if I were to fall pregnant again I would want the same guy to impregnate me. I want the baby that I lost back.
Dear Nelz,
Please reach out to meet and talk with women who have been through a similar experience and who can help you on the path to post-abortion healing.
Your feeling that you would want to replace the baby with the same father is not uncommon. Obviously, you can never actually recreate the same baby. But the feeling, the desire, to have that baby back is real. A good post-abortion healing program will help you harness those feelings and use them to heal, trusting that someday you can be with the baby you lost again in heaven. All is not definitively lost. You can find healing and hope and renewed joy once you confront everything you have been through, learn from it, grow, and heal.
You are in my prayers.
I’m 7 hours into my abortion. Even though my precious baby was only 5 1/2 weeks.. I swear on my life.. I felt flutters. Medically, this isn’t possible but I know what I felt. In the next room, my adorable 4 year old daughter is sleeping and her dad is snoring peacefully. I’m quite envious of both at the moment seeing as how I can’t sleep. I’ve been watching Nexflix to keep my mind from the reality of my Friday nightmare. I watched a very good show about a family who was torn apart because of the cheating husband and I can’t help but put myself in the characters shoes. You see, I’ve been with my partner 13 years, we are middle school sweethearts, he is my friend and much more. Recently I discovered that he’s been searching the names of random women(usually younger in their early 20s,pretty,thin)on Facebook. When I asked him about this he said that when a customer walks in to purchase something with a credit card he remembers the name and searches her on social media. This is absolutely disgusting and creepy behavior from a man I thought I knew.I feel insecure and betrayed. I mean for Gods sake! One thing is to look and admire but why stalk them on FB? I don’t want anymore children from him. I’ve made myself clear to him that I’m not having sex with him anymore because of the pain of aborting our child. He seems OK, while I’m on the couch hoping sleep will come sooner rather than later.And in my head all I hear is “This isn’t for nothing. “
I forgot to add that thanks to all of the brave women who took the time to post, I received strength and courage to post my experience of this sad moment. Reading all of the comments makes me feel connected to all of you. I wish us all luck and good mental health. Thank you
I am sorry to hear of all that you are going through. Please know that when and if there is a time when you need the support of women who have been through similar losses, there are many post-abortion healing groups to help you. I’m also sorry to hear of your partner’s wandering eye and your distress. Please consider couple’s counseling, at least for the sake of your daughter. This could all just mean that you are both at a stage where you can and should work at ways to deepen your relationship rather than just let it coast. He needs to understand how his behavior hurts you and your relationship and you need to better understand what he is missing in his head and heart that has led him to this.
You are all in our prayers.
I had 2 abortions.. nd it was th same guy..nd the funny thing is that i am a dr, nd he s a dr too !!th first time we sd it was a mistake nd it ws jst After my dad died he sd i had to have an abortion cz we rnt ready nd we r in a vry religious country and tht if any1 found out or my family thy wd rly kill me (muslims) i dd wt he sd..i took th pills without ANY1 knowing..it ws very painful nd i kept bleeding but it ws over.. I kept crying for 2 months after it.. Then i got f*****g pregnant agn by th as****e!! I told him we could elope or get married nd i dont care if my family stoped talkin to me tht i wanted th baby.. Tht i loved him nd loved his baby soo much nd i ws rdy to give my life for th baby.. He kept sayin i had to get th abortion nd tht thr ws no way i ws gna keep th baby nd tht my parents wd kill me nd tht it was for my own gd! HE IS A DR ND HE WANTED ME TO KILL MY BABY!! Nd we rnt that young we cd hv made it… But he kept bulliying me nd sayin no way i cd keep th baby nd tht he was gna handle it, he got me misoprostole nd made me take it.. I was in agonizing pain for a whole week…. Nd i cdnt tell anybody abt it cz he ddnt want any1 to know (it wd ruin his name in th hosp!)…then the baby went down.. I saw it.. I flushed it down the toilet… Nd i cant forgive him… I keep cryin nd im not talkin to any1 nd nobdy knows wts goin on with me.. We broke up.. He dsnt even care… He sd he wd make it up to his future family nd his future kids (thts how god will forgive him!).. Till now i had 2 suicidal attempts.. Nd i think th third is gna be soon nd ill try a bigger dose this time i calculated it better..
Nina, you aren’t alone in your pain. I’m so sorry you went through this and didn’t feel you had a choice. I know that it hasn’t gotten better for you but I think it can. Please don’t feel like you need to give up or end your life. If there is someone you can turn to for help please do it right away, even if you don’t feel like you can tell them the reason why. It sounds like you are possibly overseas so I don’t know who to put you in touch with to help, but you can visit the Rachel’s Vineyard web site and contact them by email for support. They can talk with you, counsel you and help you start to heal from this pain. If you let me know where you are I can try to see if there is a local group that can offer you some help. You can contact me by email at elliotinstitute@gmail.com. Please let me know and I will try to get you some information to help you. Don’t give up no matter how bad things seem.
Hey.. I had an abortion 10 months ago with my boyfriend.. It ws th second abortion from th same person.. He sd he rly loved me nd wd hv loved our baby but it cnt hpn cz we rnt married.. It hasnt gotten better.. It only gets worse with time..At tht time told me we cnt hv th baby nd that he will handle it, he got me th pills.. I kept begging him nd telling him we can do this we can elope we can hv our family nd take care of our baby..he kept sying it cnt hpn nd thr s no other way.. I cdnt tell any1 abt it so i had no choice.. I dd wt he wanted.. He broke up with me th same day th baby went down.. It hasnt gotten better.. Evryday i cry… I miss my baby..it dsnt get better with time.. Time dsnt heal.. I hv tried to commit suicide twice it ddnt work obviously.. I dnt deserve to live.. I dnt wna live.. I jst want th strength to kill myself.. Sorry.. Thanks for evry1 who has shared thr story…. I understand ur pain…
I had an abortion about 6 weeks ago and still feel depressed. Right after, it was an intense feeling of regret, guilt, and grief. As the weeks have gone by, I try really hard to keep myself busy and constantly have to be around people. Lately,life has started to stall and I have had trouble finding things to do to keep busy. All the intense feelings are starting to catch up to me again and I constantly feel sad. I wonder all the time how I can get over it and forget about it so that I dont have to feel this way anymore. I don’t even talk about it to my friends or anyone, because I feel like none of them understand and i feel like it is expected that I should be over it by now but I’m not. I try to be happy and still go do things and have fun, but the minute it’s over and I realize I’m alone, I feel bad again. I feel stupid for having these thoughts every single day and feel like I dont get the right to grieve. But I do grieve my baby, and I constantly wish I could go back and redo that decision. My situation was kind of complicated. I was pregnant by my ex boyfriend that I dated on and off for 5 years. We were not together when it happened, but were “friends”. I found out at about 4 weeks. When I told him I was pregnant, he of course wanted me to get rid of it. At first, I agreed with his reasoning why. After I sat with the pregnancy for longer, I had completely changed my mind and was feeling completely different. I would make an appointment, then cancel it because I wasn’t sure or ready to end it. This went on until I was 11 weeks and knew my deadline was coming up. It was getting harder and harder to see myself going through with the termination so if I was going to do it, it had to be then. I still didnt want to, but my ex (who I still deeply cared for and wanted what was best for) had constantly told me how I couldn’t possibly keep it. He just never understood how it felt for me and began to make me feel bad about wanting to have it. Somehow I made it to the appointment the last time and I was a wreck. I kept thinking in my head “okay you can still leave, it’s not too late” until all the sudden it was too late. I felt so many emotions it’s hard to even pinpoint and put into words. The biggest one was the overwhelming sadness. I never imagined how traumatic it would be for me. The kicker was that my ex promised me he would take care of me after and would be there for me through the emotional healing process, which i knew i would need. Instead, after the abortion was over, he told me he couldnt have anything to do with me anymore, that i was toxic and he needed to remove me from his life. I felt like I had just been stabbed in the huge wound that was already open. To this day, we haven’t talked. I struggle so much because I felt manipulated and coerced into doing something I didn’t want to do. I feel like I made that decision for him and thought at least he would be there for me after or show me some compassion. I’m ashamed and mad at myself for not doing more to protect my baby, and doing something for someone that didn’t care about me at all. I am trying to cope but sometimes the misery is too much. I hate myself and struggle with how to move forward. Coming to pages like this and reading other women’s stories that have gone through this helps. And being able to vent about my own experience is therapeutic in itself. I hope this feeling will pass in time, I just don’t know how much longer I can continue to feel this way 🙁 Thank you for listening and providing an outlet I desperately needed.
Allie, I’m so sorry you went through this. You deserved better and so did your baby. Feeling like you do right now is natural, especially given the father’s lack of care and support. I’m glad it helps to write your story, but please also know (as I mentioned to several previous posters) that you don’t have to deal with this on your own. Please visit our healing page to find out more about finding healing after abortion and for a list of organizations that offer counseling and support. The services they offer are free and confidential and they really want to help! (If you are outside the US, email me at elliotinstitute@gmail.com and I can try to connect you with a support group near you).
Here’s something a counselor from a post-abortion support group recently wrote:
I hope this information helps, and I really encourage you (and anyone else reading here who needs help) to contact a support organization for support.
Hi my name is Jazzy. I had an abortion done two days ago. At the time and the time before it, it seemed like the right thing to do. I am not financially stable, the father of the baby (I broke up with him) didn’t talk to me for weeks after breaking up with him. I needed him to talk to me because I was feeling depressed and needed some opinions. But he wasn’t there and not once did he ask how I or the baby was doing. I wanted to get my life together first anyways and with a baby, i knew it was gonna be very difficult. Yes, I was 17 weeks pregnant when I got it done. Why did I wait so long? Because I really thought I was ready for a baby when come to find out, I really wasn’t and I couldn’t go on. I feel so terrible doing it and now I’m feeling depressed and very mad at myself. It’s not like me to give up like that especially on another humans life. At the time, I found it was a boy. I miss my baby so much and I regret everything and I wish my baby’s father would of helped me but he didn’t wanna talk. I feel like I’m being selfish when I’m really not because I always put others in front of me and always take care of them first. I just wish I had that one person to snap me out of it and say keep it but had no support. I’m never doing this again. Yes I want kids when I’m ready but just right now isn’t the time. But this is the first and last time I’m doing this. I regret it and ask God for forgiveness and I hope he heals my heart and I can move on. Thank you for listening.
Jazzy, this sounds like a really hard experience. I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone. The regret and depression you are experiencing are actually a pretty common and quite a few women go through it. Yes, God does forgive you and His grace can help you heal. Also, please know that you don’t have to go through this on your own. It sounds like the father isn’t supporting you, and it may feel like there is no one out there who understands what you are going through or who can help you. However, there are organizations that provide counseling and support to people who are struggling after abortion and I would encourage you to reach out to one for help. They will be happy to talk with you, help you work through your pain and find healing. If you haven’t already done so, visit our healing page for information on how to find help, what this looks like and a list of support and counseling groups. All of these groups provide free services and will keep anything you tell them confidential. Or, if you are outside of the US, send us an email at elliotinstitute@gmail.com and I will try to help you find a support group in this area. I hope this information helps — please know that you are not alone and you can find peace and healing.
Hi, my name is deborah, m a nigerian, I just went through an abortion and I feel quite terrible.. Pls helpme.. I dont know what to do.. The baby was just 4 weeks but I still feel worse.. I have tried calling the posted line but I guess because of my location it isn’t going through. Pls can I have an alternative? I’m really down.. Pls help.. Pls
The Culture of Life Africa group may be able to help you. Please try contacting Obianuju Ekeocha to see if she can help you or refer you to those who can help.
I called the hotline and it was a satanic message!!!!!
If you tried calling 866-469-7326, it now says “We recommend you call customer service.” That hotline number is obviously no longer active. We are now recommending one of the other hotline numbers on our referral page. I’m sorry for the confusion and inconvenience. If it was a different number that is no longer to a post-abortion healing program, please let me know so I can check it out and correct it.
Dear Liz,
My heart breaks for you and I am going to pray for you. I understand. I was raped at 15 yrs old by my uncle and he got me pregnant and then took me to have an abortion. I am 59 years old and I have suffered for many years from my abortion. I finally received peace, healing and freedom when I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat for the abortion.
I can’t begin to tell you what a life changer that was for me. Rachel’s Vineyard retreats are given all over the world. I currently work with a ministry right in the Houston area that puts on these retreats. The ministry is called New Heart of Texas Ministries. Their web address is http://www.newheartoftexas.org . The founder of the ministry is Mary Lee Mason. You can also go directly to the Rachel’s Vineyard website @ http://www.rachelsvineyard.org . This retreat was written by a Catholic woman by the name of Dr. Theresa Burke. She also wrote another retreat for abuse trauma called Grief to Grace. New Heart of Texas Ministries puts on both of these retreats. I have attended both and I serve on team for these as well.
I highly encourage you not to wait another day for healing. God bless you.
Hi, I was 17 with a vile boyfriend but bonded with my unborn baby. He said he wanted to drag it out of me and my parents said I’m on my own so I felt I had no choice. I was very bitter and spent 2 years trying to get back what I had lost. Only to see since when I got pregnant and had a termination. I suffer from severe bipolar and have no support. Now 30 years on I am lonely and can’t have children. I wonder who I killed. What would they be like. Suicide comes to my mind often. But I see no way of solving this issue. What’s done is done. I only wish my boyfriend and family were supportive at the time.
Dear Liz,
My heart and prayers go out to you. You did deserve the support of your boyfriend and family. Unfortunately, it wasn’t there and we can’t change the past.
But it is never too late to heal! Don’t give up hope. Many women have found healing even decades later. And now those same women want to help you.
Please check out our page on tips for finding a post-abortion healing group that is right for you. I’d strongly suggest you call one of the hotline numbers TODAY.
Don’t fall into the trap of putting it off any longer. Start talking to women who know where you’re at and can help you get started on the path to healing that they have taken.
You can’t change the past. But you can find tremendous healing and support and a new way of experiencing your life and even helping others because of your insights and experiences.
Please write back after you call. I’m praying for you.
I had an abortion a week ago. Me and my husband have 4 children together. We are financially struggling I thought it was the best decision.
Before I took the pregnancy test I told myself I had no other option – abortion was my only option. I have ALWAYS been against it. There has never been a legit reason in my eyes to get one. But I did. I did it. And I’m a hypocrite.
I am the people I use to talk bad about. I see myself, as a mother – a wife, a mother of 4 beautiful children and I did this. I hate myself and I don’t know if I will ever move on. My husband told me he supported me either way, that he would hold me hand through any decision I made – and he still has but I can’t help but hate him so much.
I feel like I’m ruining my family, my relationship. I am pushing him away and find any reason I can to nag at him. Everything I have worked so hard for, I feel like I will end up losing if I continue to feel this way.
I hate him for reasons I don’t even know. He’s been supportive but why do I hate him so much? I feel like I need someone to blame. Someone to point the fingers at and say YOU MADE ME DO THIS. I HAD TO DO THIS BECAUSE OF YOU. Every day it gets worse and worse.
I don’t want my kids to see me this way. I hold it in for them but I am afraid I am failing as a mother. That I have disappointed them. That God doesn’t love me anymore and that if my family found out about this, they would disown me- and they WOULD. My mother & father so would. I hate myself. too. I look in the mirror and want to punch it. I hate who I am. I am disgusted with myself.
I feel like I have lost myself in this all. Like I don’t even know who I am. I love my kids so much I thought I was making the best decision for us. Especially since I have infant twins. But I see them and I feel like I have made the biggest mistake. I was only about 6 weeks – but I had every symptom you get when pregnant. Every symptom I got with my previous children and that’s what hurts.
They are wonderful kids and I did not even give my baby a chance. A chance at life. I want to move on with my life but I feel like I don’t deserve to. If I feel happy then I’m a bad person for not having a heart. I’m so torn. I’m broken. And I’m tired.
Dear Monica,
My heart and prayers go out to you. Please don’t give up hope. You can heal. God will not only forgive you but will also give you many graces to grow from this loss and become a better person, a better mother, and a better wife.
Your anger at your husband is understandable. But you are right to recognize that it is also unfair, at least in part. Looking back, you now wish that he had stood strongly against the abortion and had somehow convinced you to not do it. And who knows, perhaps he did have reservations and wanted to argue against it . . . but then, in today’s society, he is being told that a good husband should go along with what his wife wants to do if she has an unexpected pregnancy. Maybe his biggest mistake was listening to all that advice out there that tells men they should not oppose an abortion.
Still, whatever his reasoning, you are hurting. So deeply. Have you told him you now regret the abortion and wish that he had talked you out of it? Admit the feelings of resentment that you have . . . while at the same time reassuring him that you can’t control those feelings and realize that he was caught in a tough bind, too, because you had been telling him what you thought was best and realize he was just trying to be supportive.
Be honest about all you are feeling. Share with him what you wrote. Let him cry with you. Let him mourn with you. Together, try to avoid all blame. If the words “you should have . . .” come out, which they might, apologize quickly and profusely. Forgive each other for this and any past faults. This will open your hearts to accepting God’s forgiveness.
If you ever prayed the words, “forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us,” remember that generosity in forgiving those who have hurt us or let us down is rewarded with God’s own generosity in forgiving us.
I know it’s hard to feel and believe that God can forgive us. And there is even the temptation to believe that accepting forgiveness and recovering any joy in your life is a betrayal of the child you have lost to abortion. You may be interested in a three part series on the obstacles to forgiving yourself, titled “Despair vs. Hope” I pray it will help you.
Most importantly, please call one of the hotline numbers for the post-abortion healing program we have listed on our resource page.
There are so many women who have been in the same situation as you who have now worked through their own healing and are now able and willing to help you. This can save you years of protracted, impacted grief. Getting help sooner rather than later will benefit not only you, but everyone in your family.
Your husband may also benefit from a post-abortion healing program. And some programs provide opportunities for husbands and wives to go through a weekend retreat together. Working through the grief process together can not only remove the obstacles between you that you are feeling now, they can also deepen your relationship in profound ways.
Please Monica, don’t judge yourself too harshly. You are a victim of the lie that abortion is an easy solution. In fact, you clearly had many of the risk factors which your abortion doctor should have used to identify that you were at high risk of the negative reactions you are experiencing now. Unfortunately, at this time, only women in Nebraska may be able to sue for negligent pre-abortion screening.
Please, don’t give into despair. I understand that it doesn’t feel like God can forgive you, or that you can ever forgive yourself . . . and it may be hard to imagine forgiving your husband or others. But with time, the truth that you are forgiven and are healing will work into your feelings and things will get better. Please, reach out for help today. And read our tips for finding a program that’s right for you. If your first efforts don’t work, keep trying.
Let us know if we can be of any further help.
You are in our prayers
I had an abortion last week and now i am regretting, i feel like i made a wrong decision even under the circumstances. I miss my baby and i want her, will i ever be able to enjoy my future childrens if am to have one? And i keep imagening how my baby would be if i have kept her, i feel like i want a baby now right now. I want another baby
Hello Dorry, I’m so sorry about your experience and the pain and regret you are experiencing. Your loss is deep and real, and wanting your baby back or to have another baby is a natural reaction. But what you need right now is a chance to grieve and start healing. You don’t have to carry your load of grief alone or to be buried by it for the rest of your life. As time passes, and with the right help, you can start to feel better and yes, be able to enjoy life and any children you might be blessed to have.
The first step is to reach out to people who can listen, support you and help you work through the emotional pain your are experiencing. If you haven’t already done so, you should contact a group that offers post-abortion counseling and support. Visit our healing page to read about this process and find a list of national post-abortion healing groups that offer free, confidential support. (If you live outside the U.S., visit Rachel’s Vineyard for a list of international affiliates that offer healing programs or email us at elliotinstitute@gmail.com, and we will try to put you in touch with someone in your area).
It may seem intimidating to reach out for help at first, but you will find that the people in these groups will not judge or condemn you and only want to help. You can read some stories about healing on the Rachel’s Vineyard site. You are not alone and don’t have to go through this on your own.
I honestly don’t know how to say it without feeling like a horrible person. I had an abortion last year. I was engaged at the time to my now husband but we just weren’t ready (mentally, financially) so we both decided to have an abortion. At the time and even to this day I feel like it was the right choice for me/us at the time. We are still financially struggling.
The problem is I have a nephew. My husbands sister got pregnant right around the time I did (just few months earlier). She had a healthy boy and we are his God parents. The problem is that sometimes I feel disgust or “get away from me, your annoying” kind of feeling around my nephew. He is a cute and happy little boy and I find myself switching between “aww i want to hold him/spend time with him” to “get away from me kid, your annoying” and not wanting anything to do with him. The “go away, your annoying” feeling more often.
I feel horrible about this and haven’t told anyone about it. He is good kid and has done nothing wrong. I have no desire to hurt him or anything but at times I really cant stand him being around me. I’m nice about it and excuse myself from the room or hand him off to someone else quickly But I only feel this way around him or kids close to his age. And it makes me really sad when I think about why I feel this way and why I’m such an a**hole. Has anyone ever felt this way? Does this feeling ever go away? Please help me
Your reactions to being around your godson are very normal for someone like yourself . . . especially since he is close to the age of the child you lost. There is a whole chapter on it in the book Forbidden Grief which you can get from us or from a library.
These feelings won’t go away on their own. Unless you reach out and get help, it’s likely they will just push you away from interacting with him and his parents . . . finding excuses to stay away from this “button” which touches on so many unresolved feelings of loss.
Please reach out to one of the post-abortion support and healing groups listed on our resource page. It would be especially good for you and your husband to go through a program together. It would be good for your relationship. It would also be especially helpful to have made progress in healing before you get pregnant again. It will make it easier for you to bond and enjoy your future children. Otherwise, there is the chance you could have some of the same feelings of aggravation and annoyance toward your own child which can interfere with bonding and parenting.
Do not give up hope. You can heal and you can get to the point where you only feel joy around your godson.
Women who have been through the very same experience and had the very same reactions are here to help you find healing and peace.
I had an abortion 7 months ago and I still regret it very much till this day I get very angry easily and have hate towards myself I was kinda scared into an abortion by my whole family I had no family support at all everyone wanted me to abort my baby cause they all hated the father of my child my family told me if I didn’t abort I would have no place to live they would throw me out and I couldn’t even depend on the father of my baby cause he has a drug problem and has no job so it was if I was all alone instead of being happy I was very sad and even thought of suicide at times I felt I was not wanted by anyone and had no one to turn too I thought in my mind well maybe an abortion is the way and of course my family in my face too so yes I did get one done my due date would have been tomorrow July the 8 which I wish I would have never done the abortion if I could go back that’s one of the first things I would change in my life
Hi Mari,
I’m so sorry for your loss and for all the regret and pain you are experiencing. Feeling like you didn’t have a choice or that you were pressured into it can often lead to the kind of emotions you are describing. I know things must be really hard for you right now, but please know that there is hope and you don’t have to keep on feeling this way!
I would really encourage you to visit our healing after abortion page and contact one of the groups listed there. This may seem like a big step but they really want to listen to and support you! All the help they give is free and confidential. They can help you work through this, even though it may be hard to talk about at first. You don’t have to keep on dragging this pain around alone.
If you live outside the U.S., you can contact Rachel’s Vineyard, which is an international ministry that also offers support through email.
i was 15 when I found out I was pregnant scared afraid and alone but I never wanted an abortion because the child do nothing wrong I keep led my daughter and after I meet this guys and we were together ever since.. 3 years later I got pregnant again and we was very happy and excited then months after my son was born I for pregnant when he was about 5 to 6 months we didn’t know what to do but I knew one thing was I am keeping it and yes I was hoping for a girl sonce my boyfriend was such an amazing father to my daughter I know he would be very happy and complete if it was a girl but he was afraid that we couldn’t afford another child he told me to get an abortion I refused and now I have this great child that acts and loom just like his dad he is one the best things that happen to me a couple of years went by and I found out I was pregnant Agian I wasn’t afraid because I know that this child was going to be like my other kids the best thing that happens to me.. arguments after arguments my boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion telling me to think about what will happen if I had this baby where will we have the money to surport. I cried so many tears but yet I couldn’t change his mind he told me how much our kids now will lose out on a lot of things how we wouldn’t be able to send them to college how we can’t buy them their car when they learn how to drive basically my kids now will suffer.. I hated him I hated myself I cry so much and is very guilty because it’s not the baby’s fault it’s our own doing and because of pleasure.. I did it I had an abortion I was in the room with this doctor my boyfriend wasn’t even in the room I had to listen to my baby’s heartbeat .. Crying and sobbing the doc ask me are you sure this is what you want and had the pill in his palm handing it to me I wanted to run out and not do it but I know I will have to face the man I love and afraid to lose what I have I took it then he went back to work and me sitting in my room starting to feel cramps I want to go back in time and stop this but it was to late.. The pain got worst and I started to bleed sat in the bathroom for hours crying while my baby was dropping out of me scared to flush I say there looking at the blood of my child and wanting to die.. I’m hurt in so many ways I wanted nothing to do with my boyfriend for the longest time.. Every summer I get this depression mode where I would think about what had happen and wonder if the baby was a boy or girl and just think and be sad all by myself… I always wanted a big family.. I tried begged my boyfriend for another child we did try for maybe 3 months and nothing I started getting worried that becUse of the abortion I can’t conceive.. Then family problems happen I decided not to have another kid but deep down that’s all I ever wanted… Now he doesn’t want any at all and its eating me up inside… I beat myself up every time I drive by the abortion clinic I tear up every time.. I hate myself still and wish I would have keeped the baby… I sometimes ask myself do I still love my boyfriend because what he told me to do is such a big scar and not giving me another child is eating me up… All in all I hate myself and I did something that is worst then anythjng anyone can imagine and I’m living with the guilt now…
Hello Kim,
I know it might be very hard for you right now, but please know that you don’t have to keep living with these feelings of guilt and shame. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way and you are not alone in experiencing such emotions after abortion. Having problems in your relationship after an abortion is pretty common as well. What is important is to find someone who can help you work through this. You don’t have to suffer alone!
I would really encourage you to reach out and talk to someone who can help you. Even if your boyfriend isn’t ready for this step or is still convinced that you just need to move on from this, this is something you need to do for yourself. If he is hurting too and willing to talk to someone with you, maybe this is something you can do together to help heal your relationship. Either way, if you haven’t already done so, you should visit our healing page for more information on post-abortion counseling and to find a list of organizations that will be glad to talk with you and give you some help. The support they offer is free and confidential and they would be so glad to talk with you. If you live outside the U.S., you can contact Rachel’s Vineyard, which is an international ministry that also offers support through email.
Please hang in there and reach out for help. You are worth so much more than the way you are feeling right now, and you can start healing with the right support.
2 and a half years ago i had a termination, and before that i had miscarriage. i couldnt have this baby and it hurt me even still to this day.
his dad used to physically hurt me. so i did what i thought was best by my little boy. i was 11 weeks.
i can remember that day like it was yesterday. i sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever. i wanted to run out of there but i just couldnt. i knew this was the best thing for my son. Anyway they took me for a scan to see how many weeks i was. but as i got up off the bed the nurse left my scan picture on the table so i saw it, my little boy looked so perfect.
i was then taken back upstairs and i was called in straight away. if only i had a few more minutes to process what i saw i wouldnt of gone through with it.
i held my little bump and always spoke to him right up until they put a needle in my arm to knock me out. then the next thing i woke up in the recovery room, he was gone.
i felt empty and it didnt really hit me until the second week, i turned to drinking. especially when i went out id drink more than i can usually handle just to block it all out,
i have slight depression, ive been to see a counsellor it helped for a little while but they dont really understand.
i think about my little boy all the time i went to a medium last year and found out that he was boy, i dream about what he would look like and what words he would be saying as he would of been two next month and that kills me to know i took that from him. but even though it was for the best he is still my little boy and he should be here with me.
i dont really sleep much either since that day. i just cant, i get emotional around this time and just wish i could have him in my arms.
Dear Rebecca,
Please read our page on finding post-abortion healing program near to you. Many are free.
I strongly encourage you to get help. From the symptoms you describe, I’m afraid things could get worse. You have a lot of raw, unhealed feelings that are at the very least contributing to sleep, drinking, and depression, all of which are associated with post-traumatic stress disorder.
Getting help now will not only be good for you, it will also be good for your relationships with others, including any future children. Having unresolved issues over a past abortion can interfere with bonding and parenting of later children. Please reach out and get help. Don’t give into the idea that you need to suffer alone. Most post-abortion programs are run by women who have been exactly where you are today and want to help you recover peace and joy in your life.
You are in my prayers.
Hello my name is Quwonda i have two children 12Year old girl, 10year old boy, Am hurting cryn and its being over a week after my abortion… What should i do? I get angry quick, I feel sad,bittter, This is eating me up inside, Me and my love one keep fussing, i dont wanna fight for our relationship, I dont have the enegry too.. But I love me some him, but how am feeling ima lose him,
Hello Quwonda, I’m so sorry for your loss and what you are going through now. Please check out our page on post-abortion healing for more information and links to resources and organizations that can help you. These groups can offer support and counseling for both you and (if he’s willing) your partner. The help is free and confidential. If you live outside the U.S. and can’t find an organization in your area that offers post-abortion counseling, such as a crisis pregnancy center, you can get support by email through Rachel’s Vineyard. They can help you work though your feelings, grieve this loss and sort things out with your partner.
I’m dealing with my abortion and have shut down completely don’t want a man no where near me sexually I can flirt but that’s all I find my self very protective over my son who is 18 and it crushes cause he don’t want to be an only child and he almost wasn’t but now I have a good friend who just shock the hell out of me to tell me he likes me and wants to date me I declined so he ask would I have a child for him no strings attach but I can’t I have emotionally shut it down and have only chose to sleep with women and love it but find my self slightly attracted to him but keep my wall up and won’t let him in I don’t know what to do
Fear of intimacy . . . fear of pregnancy . . . avoidance of involvement with men and/or hostility toward men . . . are not uncommon reactions to abortion.
You raise a lot of issues in your short note, but the key message that comes through is that your past abortion continues to effect your feelings and choices. You are still chained by it.
I believe that what you really need is to find a post-abortion recovery program that will help you face, understand, and heal the past so that you are free to make future choices that aren’t dictated by the past. Please read our page of tips and resources for finding a post-abortion recovery program that’s right for you.
El thank you I know its holding back a lot in my life I like to mask and hide my problems that I do very well but I’m going to look into the site you gave cause my life long fear is that me hiding and masking my problems and dealing with everyone else problems will eventually make me sick I choose to help everyone but me telling myself I don’t need help and reality is I do when I say no one knows I’m dealing with this no one knows and this guy who’s trying to talk to me and I want to tell him but I shift the conversation when he ask ? As to why I don’t want more kids or just have a kid that he will raise himself I’m like if it was that easy just give birth and walk away I can’t
Your last point is 100% right. Having a child to give to him to raise and just walk away would be a horrible experience for you. I don’t know if he could be the right guy for you to marry and raise a child together . . . but I do know that you need to find substantial healing from what you are struggling with over your past abortion before you will be clear enough in mind to even discern that. Get your own act together.
Serving others is great, but when you do so to hide your own hurt you’ll end up both hurting yourself and failing others. It’s time to invest in yourself. That will eventually enable you to help others more effectively and with more joy. You are in our prayers.
It’s been almost 3 years since my abortion. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it. The day that I found out I was pregnant, I called my boyfriend (the father) who was working out of town. When I asked him what we should do he replied, “I think you know that you have to take care of this”. When I told him I didn’t want to he yelled at me, told me I was “just hormonal” and hung up the phone. I even told my mom and she threatened to lose all contact with me if I didn’t have the abortion. I was almost 19, only working part time and living in a garage with two other people. I saw no other option. 3 years later and I think about it every day. I get jealous every time I see parents of children and I get angry when I see pregnant women. I just wish I would have had the support they had. My depression is so much worse, I am drinking more than ever before because idk what else to do. Sometimes I just feel so guilty and stuck that I just want to end my life because I feel like I am not in control of it anymore. I try to be strong everyday but ladies please, NEVER have an abortion that you do not want it will only make life worse for you
Dear Renee, I’m so sorry that you did not have the support you needed and that other people pushed you into an unwanted abortion. What a painful and tragic experience and I can see why you are still hurting. Please, please know that you are not alone and that there are people out there who care about you and what you have been through, and want to offer you support and help. You do not have to keep carrying this load of pain alone, and it is possible to gain control of your life again. I would really encourage you to visit our healing page to find information on how to contact a post-abortion healing group if you haven’t already done so. They are there to listen and support you and help you work through the unresolved emotions surrounding this experience. It is all free and confidential. If you live outside of the U.S., please send me an email at elliotinsitute@gmail.com and I will try to find a local group for you. I hope this helps — this can get better.
Dear Renee please find a support group and surround yourself with positive people drinking is not the answer find your passion and go for it I give you an example me I got depressed after my abortion and it yet effects me but my passion is people so I’m a counselor and my joy is to wake up and go to work knowing my presence effects someone’s life it feels good to know that someone gave up on these kids but they know in spite of there imperfection they know I care and when I take off they can’t wait for me to come back so I say deposit something small into someone else and watch the joy you will find you are loved if it’s only you loving yourself it’s wonderful you look at yourself everyday and say I’m somebody I’m going to live and do for me today and everyday Don’t let people control your life you control it because when people know there opinion matters over your life they feel they control you take your control back and say it’s about Me I will be okay I can and will be ok and you give yourself that speech until it sticks I love me make this thing a bridge to build you up and building this bridge take time but it can be done if nobody has faith in you say Jasmine believe in me and I believe in me this has work for me I come from a strong Christian background so I feel like nobody there I get lonely but it natural but I build me
I had an abortion 3 years ago and I’ve never had a bad dream till recent I currently want a baby so my dream made me cry so much I had a dream that my baby I let go was talking to me saying mommy why did u not want me why do u want another baby but not me it’s do hard to even write this as it’s making me cry again my baby would have been 3 at the time I was pregnant with my list baby I already had 2 girls and was working part time one of my girls I had a couple weeks before I got pregnant again and it was a c section I definitely was not capable of caring a baby again so soon I am so depressed and wish I hadn’t done it it’s making me so sad and heart broken now
Hi Monica,
Wanting another baby and having dreams about the child you lost to abortion are both common experiences for women who have had abortions. Sometimes it can take months or even years for these issues to start coming to the surface. These feelings of sadness, depression and regret are hard, but they are part of the grieving process (even for something that took place several years ago).
Maybe you were alone or without support after the abortion, or never got a chance to grieve or process what you had been through. Maybe it was simply never acknowledged or spoken about by those around you, or you were told you had done the right thing and just needed to move on. For whatever reason, it sounds like you did not get a chance to heal.
The good news is that you can start working on that now. You don’t have to go through this alone or keep struggling with this pain without being able to resolve it. If you haven’t reached out for help in the past (or even if you did but may need more help now), I would encourage you to talk with someone you can trust. There are many groups that provide free, confidential and non-judgemental counseling and support for women who are struggling because of a past abortion.
You can read about the healing programs that are available and find a list of these groups on our healing page. You can also find more information on healing on the Rachel’s Vineyard web site — you can visit their Q&A page for help from experts, read personal stories from women who have found healing, and reach out for support by email or phone at 1-877-467-3463.
If you are outside the US, you can send me an email at elliotinstitute@gmail.com and I will try to put you in touch with someone who can help.
hi i am amanda. i got pregnant at 15 from an attack. i am now 47. i was too far gone too have a normal abortion, so i had an injection into my tummy so i would go into labor. cause i was young i had to stay in for 2 days. it was the 17th off feb 1984. i remember it as it was yesterday. i feel so guilty today. i always wonder what he/she would be like now. i never got to know the sex off my baby. i have so much regret that i was never told. i know this has be a big part off the way my life has panned out. its never been spoken about, but i need to know cause i can’t cope with the loss and the guilt i had to live with. i am trying to find out if i had a little boy or girl. i just don’t know where to start so i can say my good byes. I did go on to have 3 healthy children whom are all grown up. they all support my decision. so i can lay my guilt to rest if that is possible. i always feel a part off me is missing.
Dear Amanda, please reach out for help by calling a post-abortion healing ministry today. Don’t give up hope. Women who have been through the same thing and found healing want to help you. There are many types of post-abortion healing programs out there. I am sure you can find one that will help you.
While I can’t answer the pressing question of whether you had a boy or girl, I can say that many post-abortion programs will help you to explore that issue and often, in prayer, women will experience a sense from God of not only the sex but also the name of their child.
Don’t give up hope. There are a lot of people out there who want to help and can help. Please let us know if you find a good program. You are in my prayers.
Its been 9 years and 1 month since I aborted my baby.
I had just turned 21, I had come out of a long term relationship and got with this new guy pretty quickly, 3 monthd later I found myself surrounded with 5 all positive pregnancy tests.
I waited 3 weeks and I finally booked an appointment with a clinic after writing the lists. I had the scan done. As much as they try to hide the screen, you see it. She gave me this scan to take to the hospital. I couldn’t stop looking at it and I couldn’t explain how I felt, just kind of “Wow, that’s mine, u know.” I kind of felt like I was walking through a fog. I had no-one except a few work colleagues. My then just turned x-boyfriend was sending vile messages, phone calls etc.
Everything in my heart was screaming don’t do it. But my head ruled, “you live in a one bedroom rented flat, your just 21, he isn’t long term material and he’s not interested at all, uou work shifts” all the usual things. And now I like to think somewhere in my heart I must have thought it was for the best right??
So on the the 5th of December 2005 I was 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I went to the hospital alone and I sat there wishing he would run in. He didn’t. I remember this man sitting looking at me and all I felt was shame and must have looked so desperate. All I was thinking was “Someone please take me out of here. Don’t let me do this.” I swear he could read my mind.
I heard him talking in the phone telling someone it was about his nose. Lovely NHS sticking terminations in beside that. I saw him after we were both waiting in the waiting room to be picked up. He actually did have something on under his nose. Its strange the things I remembered.
I remember that after it I just felt empty. It’s the only way to describe it: just hollow. I took the next day off work and as of the Wednesday life carried on as normal as I could.
I went through a week or two thinking maybe this didn’t work. They sometimes say that. I took another test it was negative (obviously). But things got worse.
I used to wake in the night hearing a baby cry. I started sleeping no more than 3 hours a night. I’d dream I was walking round my flat looking for my baby. I’d wake in cold sweats crying. I’d constantly be at work.
Three months later I found myself back with the same guy. Later that year, late August/beginning of September 2006, I got the keys to my new house and I found out I was pregnant.
I was 17 weeks in total denial, scared shitless as to what my mum would say, didn’t tell anyone except his family, no Dr anything.
He then walked out on me. Family wasn’t his thing.
Looking back the only thing I can say is I felt numb and feelingless, I saw the first scan and I felt nothing, there wasn’t that connection. At that point I knew I had it before I knew what that feeling of “wow” was.
I just thought: I feel like this because he’s left me high and dry, New mortgage, pregnant etc. But nope , I cried the whole way through my pregnancy. I hated being pregnant so much so I was at the mid-career stages and couldn’t feel my baby kick or move, nobody at the hospital could understand why I couldn’t feel it. It just didn’t happen. My milk didn’t even come through till my baby was 2 weeks old.
My little one was born (I asked the midwife to take him away), I was diagnosed with postnatal depression when he was 6-months old till then it was baby blues (apparently). Its hard being a single mum but I got on with it.
Now here I am 2016 still single still thinking about what I’ve done and I literally can’t move on. I can’t put it behind me. I’ve been diagnosed with depression.
My little one was born almost one year after what would have been the baby’s due date.
I feel guilty, disgusting, dirty and a complete and utter nasty heartless person. That one decision changed my life forever. And what makes it worse, I now know when I saw that scan or when I touched my stomach I didn’t feel hate, sad or despair, it felt nice and I spoke to her, I told her “forgive me because I’m not strong enough to keep you.”
When I think about it do I refer to it as I lost a baby? No, so what’s the alternative??? I don’t know why it’s still so raw.
Dear Laura,
It’s not unusual for an abortion loss to hang over a woman’s head for many years. One survey found that it was an average of eight to ten years before women began to deal with their impacted grief. So that would put you right on the average scale.
I encourage you to read our page on tips for finding a post-abortion healing program. Most are run by women who have been through their own abortions and the healing process, so there will be lots of understanding and no judgment. Off the top of my head, I know that the Rachel’s Vineyard weekend program is available in England (I’m guessing that is where you are writing from….)
Please don’t give up hope. You can find healing. And it won’t be found by either denying your pain or “accepting” that you must always have it and “pay the price.” With persistence in finding a program that will help you, you can make tremendous strides not only in healing, but also growing, using your experience to help you be a better mother and friend to others.
If you need more help finding a program, please let us know. You are in our prayers.
I’ve had my first abortion when i was 20! Second the next year and then again 2 more with a person i was deeply in love with he said he wasnt ready for it! Today after 7 years the pain feels the same. As if it happen yersterday. Ever since the last abortion i have been only talking about it i dobt know how i manage to do work in a 5* hotel in the front line smiling and all. No one would know only my close friends knows. I met a guy in one of these hotels and i needed to be with someone as i feel so lobely n scared in the night! He has issues too now after 4 years with this man i have never forgotten about it! All i talk to him is about it! I have gone mental and i cant go out or talk to friends as only thing on my mind is that! Only people i meet fir the couple of years is the people who knows me! They would let me be silent or when i talk its about the guy and the abortion! I dont kniw how to change my thought pattern! Now i am losing everything! People lives are changing n they dont want to hear the same story again n again my friends are fed up with me! I have been lately getting angry with my boyfriend and actions are beyong control! I have hit him several times now! Relationship is breaking which i dont want to! He is wonderful but he dont seem to understand me! He never leaves me alone! He needs to know my every move whom i talk to! i havent work for the last two years and my carrer is at risk! Its small comminity n everyobe knows each other am having difficullty coping the pain! I wanted to talk to my ex about the feeling i have been through n i want to hear the same from him but he never shared not back then not now! Am desperate need for help! I habe been having terrible pain n when the though gets me i cry my eyes out! As if they are close i just cant see it! Want to see but cant! They are the most closest to me! I have not been in the reality ever since! I cant seem to let it go! My career and everything is gone. i just feel like dying and end the pain! but i dont want to hurt anyone or be selfish! I can understand all this but i only need support and care n understanding! I might not be normal but i can be a little bit happy if people know what i am saying! who is there who would understand me! I feel so alone! I feel like am a terrible person_ i used to be very caring and felt others emotions but now i feel kind of empty. Anyobe who would like to talk pls i wiuld really appreciate it! Thanks
Hello Hanan,
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Please know that you are not alone and that others have experienced these same emotions after abortion. It is not easy, but healing is possible and there are many people out there who would like to talk with you and help you.
First, if you are feeling suicidal or thinking about hurting yourself please seek help right away. If you are in the U.S. you can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255. If you are outside the U.S. please contact emergency help, find a pastor or counselor to talk to, or reach out to whoever you need to get help right away.
Second, have you visited the healing page at http://afterabortion.org/help-healing ? It has lots of information on finding healing, contacting a support group, what to expect, etc. Healing can be hard to do on your own so I would suggest you contact an organization that can help you. There are lots of groups out there that offer free and confidential support and can walk with you through the healing process, or simply provide a listening ear if you need to talk with someone. I would really encourage you to start there. There is a list of post-abortion healing groups at the end of the healing page. Or, if you are outside of the U.S., you can email me at elliotinstitute@gmail.com and I’ll try to find a group in your area.
Finally, if you would like I can also post your comment to our email list so that others can respond and encourage you. Please let me know if you would like me to do this.
Chelsea,
Please find your local pregnancy resource center. They are there to support you and offer you hope and help. To find a Center near you visit http://www.pregnancydecisionline.org
You can choose hope, help, and a bright future for you, your son and your baby!
Chelsea
We your friends are here to be the voice for your baby in your womb,let me live and give me life.
Dear Chelsea,
Please don’t make a decision that will bother you for the rest of your life, an abortion. I work with women and men who did choose abortion and recovery from that is long, painful and slow. A pregnancy is only a few months of your life. You have time to see what help and other options are out there for you. You are stronger than you think you are but right now you are in crisis. WAIT. Listen to your heart. It is your baby and your well being. Do not let someone who stands to walk away make a decision for you. My prayers join all those praying for you. Help is out there!
Hi Chelsea
Sounds like you already know it is not a solution to the problem even though it may feel like it is to a part of you now.
I can hear you resistance..you do not really want to do this but it is hard…listen to your heart. There are so many places out there that would be willing to help you. I do not know where you are but we have homes for pregnant moms and even take them with other children.
http://www.goodcounselhomes.org
I know it is not easy to be a single parent…I did it myself with 2 children and have also had an abortion…no matter how hard it was raising them it was never as hard as the abortion.
I will be praying for you…
Hi Chelsea, Just want to encourage you, sometimes it seems we have no other choice, but God says something else, he will provide a way, you may not understand how, but if you do the right thing, he said he has a plan for you and he has a plan for your 3 month old child inside of you. He formed your child in your womb, give your child life. and trust in the Lord Jesus. Praying for your strength, and changes in your life for good. Shannon
Dear Chelsea,
You deserve better. You deserve a real man who will love you enough to become your husband and accept the responsibility a child brings. Please do not make your situation worse by having another abortion.
This child you carry now is the way you can begin to become a strong and confident woman again. It is hard to think about your children instead of how bad your life is right now, but if you can trust that there is hope, you will see this new child is the beginning of a new way of life for you.
I will pray for God to give you His strength and wisdom. Remember God loves you very much and wants the best for you. You deserve the best so don’t succumb to destroying the great gift you carry within you.
I am praying for you Chelsea
The best gift you can give children are siblings. Hang in there because there are many options and much help available.
Dear Chelsea,
As a biological mother of our first child (totally unexpected PG) who is now 44 years old, and the mother of 2 adopted children (got both as babies) who are now 41 and 36 years old, I beg you NOT to have your abortion. Look in local newspaper ads or google parents who want to adopt babies. There are couples out there who will pay you to carry your baby to term, so they can adopt him/her. There are “open” adoptions, where you can stay in contact with your child and the adopted parents.
Not only are you damaging your body but your heart, soul and mind. AND you need to get out of your relationship….you need a fresh start. There are so many agencies out there who can help you. Contact the closest pregnancy care center (google Care Net Pregnancy Centers…there are over 2,000 in the U.S. and there is NO cost to you.)
I will be praying for you.
To life, peace and justice,
Kathy
Dear Chelsea,
I so much understand your not wanting to bring another child into a bad relationship. I was in an abusive relationship with my pregnancy, and thought it would be better not to bring a child into it. I chose abortion and it was the worst mistake of my life. You are in a crisis pregnancy. You can get rid of the pregnancy, if you chose to do so, but you will still be in crisis. You need to leave your boyfriend and be somewhere safe and healthy with your son. I know it’s so very difficult. Many prayers for you today.
Chelsea, I’ve only just opened this email so I really hope I’m not too late. It would be so easy for me to say that the many support messages you have already received should be more than enough to encourage you to keep your precious baby. Even though I’m a male doesn’t disqualify me from entreating u to welcome your little one with open, loving arms n heart. Your present tortuous situation is a drop in the ocean in contrast to the very real likelihood of your experiencing many years, possibly decades, of regret, trauma and pain if you destroy this new and priceless tiny member of your family circle. You are in my heartfelt prayer. Cheers n God bless you. Peter
DEAR Chelsea!
My prayers are going up for you and your babies. Be brave and very courageous, love life and seek good counsel at a pregnancy resource center. Know that MANY prayers are going up to heaven for you tonight!
Chelsea, I agree with everything that has been said up to this point. An abortion is not going to get you out of a bad relationship. Ditch the jerk-face and keep the baby. The jerk-face will always be a part of your life because you have children together, but you can limit how much you have to deal with him. if it’s an unhealthy relationship and you think he will never change, get out of the relationship. If you don’t have family or friends who will support you emotionally, physically and financially while you ditch the boyfriend and continue your pregnancy, please use the resources that others have listed to find a pregnancy resource center where you will find people who will be willing to support you emotionally, physically and financially. You will be amazed at what total strangers are willing to do for you because they believe you have what it takes to see this pregnancy all the way. They will be willing to talk to you about the options of parenting your child or placing your child in an adoptive home. Both are hard choices to make, but they are both decisions you and your child can live with. Please know that there are many people who care about you because of your brief post and we are cheering you and your baby on.
Dear Chelsea,
The situation looks so desperate right now, but the thing to keep in mind is that it’s temporary. Just hang in there! There are lots of people who are ready and willing to help, many of whom have been through this before. Please call a pregnancy center and get some people on YOUR side. Hang in there! We’ll be praying for you.
You have a good conscience. God has willed this soul to come into existence. Please consider giving your baby life and adoption. So many couples would love to love your child…. And they would only feel gratitude for your sacrifice. Be brave. Be virtuous. Be the loving mother that you obviously are… Choose life. I am praying for you.
Praying for you that you make the right choice. May God give you a vision of your child and knowledge that you can provide for your children with or without your boyfriend. God will make way… You are struggling with this because you know that there is life in you. I pray that you will find peace and know that there is so much support for you and your children. All things are possible… Blessing upon you & your family!
Hi Chelsea
I am praying for you. My sister suffered so much when she had an abortion and realized the ramifications after. I do not want anyone else to suffer like that. There are so many people to adopt and remember that in an open adoption you could know how your child is doing. God bless you
Dearest Chelsea,
Please have faith in God through this difficult time. It’s obvious many are interceding for you and your child and will continue to storm the heavens in hopes that you will be guided to make the right choice. God loves you, and you and your unborn child are precious to Him. It’s unfortunate that your relationship is struggling but it will be much more difficult to deal with feelings of regret. Plus it sounds like you already know how it feels so please don’t make the same mistake twice especially out of desperation. With God all things are possible! May God bless you and your unborn child!
Hi Chelsea,
I speak to many women via a help line who seek healing after their abortions, and so need to acknowledge their children, and seek forgiveness.
Please feel free to call me and just talk before you move on. You have reached out, and I am willing to listen! Call me, Marie, at 215 738 5289.
Please pray to God and the Holy Spirit! Please DO NOT HAVE THIS ABORTION!
God will bless you for this decision.
Hi, Chelsea,
You deserve so much better than an abusive relationship or an abortion. From what you are saying, I think deep inside, you know what abortion is all about. The abortion you already had didn’t fix anything. You were designed to protect your child, and you have that thought and that instinct in your heart. Don’t let someone else’s abuse toward you persuade you to abuse your unborn child. Your child deserves and needs your protection, and you are the only person who can protect your child. Please protect your baby! I am praying for you. May the love of Jesus enter your heart, and give you the peace and courage you need in this difficult time. Amen.
Hi Chelsea,
Reaching out for help as you have means that God is speaking to your heart and hopefully our prayers will give you the strength & encouragement that you need in this difficult time. Please contact a pregnancy resource center where you will find compassion, support and real help.
Dear Chelsea. Know and believe that you have been blessed by God to bear this child. Choose life my dear Sister in Christ because it is a gift from your creator. It is a precious gift made in the image and likeness of God. This baby lives you more than you know!!!!
Hi Chelsea,
Just want to say you are not alone in this. I’m not sure where you live,
but we have pregnant women live with us and we support them through their pregnancies and beyond. You would be welcome to stay with us with your son. My own daughter went through the same thing and I know how much she needed care and love at this time. Her two little girls live with us as well.
Hi Chelsea, my heart grieves for where you presently find yourself, I am a mother & a grandmother.I have faced many challenges in my own life. I have a new grandson arriving Dec. 20th., just in time for Christmas. I know right now that you feel there is no other alternatives, that the walls feel like they are closing in on you. But let me assure you that there are alternatives & there are people wanting to help people just like you. You are not alone, having an abortion is not the answer, taking the very life that you have been part of creating is not the answer. I appreciate that the world would tell you differently, but take a look at the world. We love you, God has a plan for your life, He will not leave you, call out to Him and He will answer you. Go to the nearest Pregnancy Crisis Centre near you, they will see you through this & offer you help, counselling & support for you and your children. OR go to the nearest medical clinic or hospital and ask to speak to a crisis worker. Do not loose hope.
I really feel for you, Chelsea and i am sending you lots of love and positive thoughts in my prayers. Take care of yourself. Women all over the world understand your pain.
Dear Chelsea,
You have many, many people praying for you and your child growing within your womb. You can break away from your relationship with your boyfriend and still keep your baby. Be strong you are a beautiful woman! God loves you so much and He has great plans for you, allow Him to work in your life. A brother or sister for your 2 yr old is a gift, I hope you embrace it. Remember how happy you were when he was born, it can be again. Peace be with you, Nancy B
Hello Chelsea
I also will be praying for you Chelsea, that you will make the right decision. You have a precious life in you – your unborn child. I know it is difficult, but please love your unborn child enough to make the correct decision to continue with your pregnancy. Please do ask God to give you the strength to do the right thing, even if the decision is difficult.
Our prayers are with you. There are many praying for you.
Cyril
Dear Precious Chelsea, I am truly sorry you are faced with this difficulty. I run a crisis pregnancy support centre in Trinidad & over and over women who choose to carry their baby to term even through the difficulties never regret this decisions but over and over those who did and access our healing program all say they regretted the abortion choice. I know this may sound cliched but feelings are temporary but the love of your child and his or her arms around your neck will last for your entire lives. You are already a mom to baby and I believe you can do this. There are people around you who can hold you up and most importantly God has promised if you trust him he will never leave you. Your unplanned pregnancy means unplanned joy. The relationship issues for our moms usually fade into the background as they welcome their newborn. It may not be easy for you but you will find a way out of this crisis. Nothing worth doing is easy but if you faint not you will reap the rewards later in life. Much hugs and blessings to you.
Hello, Chelsea:
Please know that you are not alone. There is a way out for you, your 2 year old son *and* that precious child in the womb you are carrying. This child is a part of you! There are many, many people available to help you and guide you into living your life with your children. There have been suggestions made here from previous posts. We can help you locate a pregnancy care center and you will get the assistance and direction you need. Please take care of yourself and your children. There is a way out! We can help you!! 🙂
Oh no Chelsea, please don’t combine one problem with another. If you think you cannot take care of another child, please go to an adoption agency and find a family that can help. You know from your last abortion that it was NOT the solution you were looking for? It can/may get even worse. Tell your boy friend to “buck up” and help because YOU are going to have this child and HE will pay child support whether he likes it or not. As someone before me said, you are in a “bad spot” now, but there are too many people out there that can provide you with the support and help you need. You realize that you made this decision before and regretting it, why would this be any different? I will continue to pray for you.
Hi, Chelsea. I was in a similar situation years ago. I have a beautiful, loving, smart, funny son (as well as two grandchildren!) because I chose to cancel that abortion appointment. I shudder to think what my life would be like if I had gone through with it. Hang in there. You are the only one who can protect your little one at this moment. He or she is safely nestled in your womb completely depending upon you protection. I hope that someday you will look back at this time with a sense of gratitude and relief that you didn’t go through with the abortion, rather than with grief and regret over the loss of your child. I’ll be praying for you.
I’m currently 11 weeks 1 day pregnant… Tomorrow is my appointment for the procedure to be done… I’m having such a tough time with this… I’ve been with my jerk face boyfriend on and off for 4yrs. We have a smart and handsome soon to be 2yrs old boy. I had a abortion several months ago I was 6-7 weeks… The reason why we did was because our relationship was rocky and did not look promising… Still now doesn’t… We’re very unhealthy. We love each other for 1-2 days out the month, every month… We’re always arguing and sometimes fighting… I’m soo tired of it all… Waking up and going to bed dealing with same the bs… He will never change he always buy his ways out of trouble. I’m fed up I can’t do this anymore. I want out of this relationship I feel like the only way out is for me having this abortion… But I feel so horrible knowing how far along I am…
Hi Chelsea, please reconsider and contact someone who can give you other options. No woman should have to undergo an abortion because because she feels she has no other choice, or because she is in a bad relationship. If you are already struggling with or feeling guilty about having abortion you will likely continue to do so afterwards. As for your relationship with the father, it sounds like you will still have him in your life because of your son, and abortion doesn’t fix relationships. You are in a bad spot right now but there are people out there who can support you through this and whatever the future holds. Here is a list of national organizations that offer free and confidential counseling, resources and other help: http://www.theunchoice.com/pregnancyhelp.htm. If you are outside the U.S. or don’t find an organization to help, please email me at elliotinstitute@gmail.com.
Also, if you are having a hard time dealing with your previous abortion, they can offer help for that too. Please know you are not alone and you don’t have to go through an abortion — there are other options.
Chelsea,
I will repeat what Amy said – please look at other options to deal with your situation. There are many wonderful volunteers and staff members at pregnancy help centers who can help you. You can call the Option Line any time 24/7 to talk to someone – 800-712-HELP – and then be connected to a pregnancy center near you. Adoption would be one way to provide your child with a good home and two parents if you do not feel able to do that yourself. But whatever you decide I am sure you will be much more at peace in the future looking back at giving your child life.
Dear Chelsea,
I know today is a hard day and the options ahead of you don’t seem good or easy. The baby is not the problem. It is the relationship. Having another child will not change the difficulties you are facing. There are places where you can get free counseling for your relationship.
The baby is longing for you to give life a choice. Please know the little one needs your loving care to bring him or her to birth. Then, another option is adoption. You can share your lovely child with others who long to have a child but cannot. I am one of those people. You will bless others. There are special places where you can get maternity care and support for you and your 2 year old while you carry this little one. You inner angst is speaking to you about life. Please hear the cry of the little one asking for the opportunity to become all God wants in their life.
CHelsea, you are not alone. God is near and there are resources. Please wait and trust God to meet your needs emotionally, financially, relationally and in every way.
You are precious Chelsea, Love, LYnn
Chelsea, just to let you know, I’m praying for you. Please consider, and do not feel like you have no other options. The feelings of guilt and remorse will only get worse.. and would long outlast the termination of a bad relationship.
Dear Chelsea, you are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story, and I can’t imagine being in your shoes. Please know that there is much support available for you and your children, people who love you and will walk with you. I don’t know if this is helpful, but I’d like to share this resource with you, just in case: http://kidsonashoestring.com/
Much love,
-Jo
Dear Chelsea, that’s a tough situation and I hope you will read the responses to your message before your appointment.
I don’t know where you live but there are places you can go for help like Birthright and some towns have homes for unwed mothers where you could go with your son.
End the relationship yes but you don’t have to end this pregnancy. I had 2 abortions and the last one was to get out of an abusive relationship. After the abortion, he was still living in the same town so I saw him again and ended up moving to a different part of the country.
My abortions were 21 and 15 years ago they are still haunting me. I wish I had had the support and the courage to give birth to my children.
There is help, there is hope. You are in my prayers. Bea
Hi Chelsea sorry. I have no right to give an advice but do try to keep the life. No matter how hard will be your baby needs you more than anyone else. Just try to give him the chance to see the light. I am near you and please do not give up be strong and you will see that your baby will be greatful to you and will bring you joy. I give you a big hug. Regards Tania
Chelsea, you cannot change the past. Keep your baby, and take your son and ditch the boyfriend. Get in touch with a pregnancy center. They can point you in the right direction. I will pray for you!!!
Chelsea,
Thoughts and prayers to you as you go through the difficult day tomorrow. May God give you the strength to make the best decision! My abortion happened to me 29 years ago and not a day goes by when I don’t think about what happened, the trauma continues to this day!! Bless you my dear💗
Hi Chelsea,
I’m not in your shoes, and I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
I’ve been through my own dark times. Cancer and severe chronic illness and my own crisis pregnancy. I find that the hardest time to make a clear decision is in the middle of the storm – when things are darkest. In those moments, it’s hard for me to imagine that things will ever get better, or that my circumstances could ever change.
But they did and they will, for you too. I learned that very little in life is static. Things change, circumstances change…
I read somewhere that in order to make decisions in tough situations, to ask myself the following: “In 5 years from now, what would I have wished I would have done?” That question helps me to cut out the noise and remember what’s important.
I’m on the other side of hard season right now, and I’m so glad my son is here with me. He’s my light. I still struggle sometimes, but I know he is worth it.
Your son or daughter is already alive and is living with you day-to-day. He or she just hasn’t been born yet. Chelsea, I hope you choose life for your little one. When you look into their eyes, I don’t think you’ll regret a moment with them. This is all worth it for them.
The people that inspires great books and movies and art are those who have faced hard times, but pushed through. We have that courage inside of us. To fight for what is important, to live for others, to make it count when it matters most. You’ve been through so much already. I don’t doubt you have that courage too.
don’t give up Chelsea. Have your baby. yes, it will be a struggle in the beginning but your life will be better because of your choice to keep your baby! I pray for you and your happiness.
Chelsea, neither your beautiful son nor your previous abortion has saved your relationship, right? Maybe your relationship needs learnable skills or counseling or courage to leave … Things that children can’t do for you. You don’t have to get rid of your unborn baby to have a bright future. No need to sacrifice so much. What would you do today if you did it out of love instead of out of fear or pain?
Hi Chelsea. I know you’re going through a really difficult time right now, but you can make it through this. I know it probably doesn’t feel like it right now, but there is support available to help you push through with this pregnancy and keep your 11-week old baby, who will likely become as smart and handsome as your beautiful almost-2-year-old. Contact a pregnancy support centre. Find a kind-hearted mentor in your family, extended network of acquaintances or church – or join a church and ask the pastor directly for some practical and emotional help to get through this. Your first abortion must’ve been difficult enough for you. I know right now it might seem like having another abortion is ‘the only way out’ of your difficult situation with a rocky relationship, but truly I want you to know it is not the only way out. Focus on your baby, focus on the life inside of you, focus on your gifts as a mother with your 2-year-old, stay strong, and then later you can deal with your relationship. But first get some extra help.
Chelsea, at this time I know your worries, struggles, and pain feels insurmountable. But we want you to know that you don’t have to go through this alone. There are people and organizations that will help you and be the loving supportive family and system that it takes to help you through this. I am sure that you don’t feel truly loved, because of the way the father of your children is treating you right now, but you are loved by God first and foremost who created you and your children in His image. I was in an abusive marriage for almost 10 years before I got out. I want you to know that the three good things that came out of a very bad marriage are our three children. After 18 years of being away from their father, I am still healing. I am here to tell you that you can do this! You are not alone in this, and you don’t have to do it all by yourself. There wonderful people that are reaching out to you on this web site, and will continue to reach out to you and pray for you. There are organizations that can help you and your children and you will heal in time. Your children were also created by God through you and their father. They are a gift from God. If you cannot see taking care of another baby, and raising them, it is ok. You can give them to another family that will love them! It can work out, and if you wish, in open adoptions, you can be part of their lives. I intentionally used the words ‘the father of your children’. He is not your boyfriend if he makes you feel the way he does. You are too valuable to stay in an unhealthy relationship. There are places you can go that experts can help you. You need to save you Chelsea! From an unhealthy relationship. I am another woman that has been through an abusive relationship and made it through! God will give you the strength, and will put people in your life to help you get through this! Please know that God loves you! He made you, and He made you good! He made your son good! He the baby that is inside you good! God knows your struggles with the baby that you aborted and will forgive you if you only ask. Please don’t look too far out into the future. Take this one day at time; take it one hour at a time; or take it one minute at a time. I am praying for you! You need a loving caring person to talk through this, and to be present with you that can help you. Please reach out to one of the Pro Life organizations to save your baby, your son, and you! And the hope for a better life for all of you!
Dear Chelsea,
I totally understand your desire to get your boyfriend out of your life. If he is so hard to deal with, it’s easy to imagine how much better your life would be without him causing so much pain. But an abortion won’t solve your problem. It will only add to your problems.
You 2-year-old son needs you and his brother or sister in his life. And unless your boyfriend gives up all interest in your son’s life, he will always be at least on the edges of your life. Having an abortion won’t change that. It will only give you something more to feel guilty about.
Please read our article on the known risk factors that predict which women will have the most emotional problems after and abortion.
If you haven’t yet seen all the letters from dozens of people praying for you, please check these out, too.
You are in our prayers.
Dear Chelsea,
I just wanted you to know that we are still all here for you. Even if you had the abortion, we still care and are still praying for you and your son. Never give up hope.
David
Chelsea,
First off I want to say thank you for being so honest and reaching out in your time of pain and confusion. I’m not sure what the outcome of your situation is but I can only hope and pray that you chose life. If not please seek some Post Abortive healing class that is usually offered at some pregnancy centers. I have been in your shoes. BOTH ends of the spectrum. If you need to talk please don’t hesitate to email~ God loves you no matter your choice!
He was my long term boyfriend, and it was a situation of failed contraceptions (yes, plural.) I have a lot of health problems myself, and it was surprising to everyone that I was even able to become pregnant. Well, I’d assumed we would do all of the things we had planned anyway; marriage, buy a house, start our lives. We were both in our twenties, and we had the means for it. He decided that, based on his religion (not spiritual relationship with Jesus, his religion itself) that it would shame his family for others to know that I became pregnant out of wedlock, so he stripped my choices. I had decided firmly on adoption; he used physical force to threaten me into another direction. Mind you, it’s highly unlikely that I would have been able to carry to full term anyway, but the guilt, it’s inexplicable. I ended it with him immediately afterward. We’ve spoken since then, and years later, gained our closure between the two of us. For me, it’s been seven years, and I feel I deserve to be punished every day. Guilt. That’s what’s overwhelming me. As a Christian, I know that what I did was wrong, and that God has forgiven me, and I can’t say that I regret that it happened given the circumstances. The only certainty I have is guilt. I haven’t had a relationship since that happened. I don’t deserve happiness. That’s what my mind and my heart tell me.
AK, I am so sorry to hear about the situation that led you to an abortion. There is hope and healing through abortion recovery classes. I have led classes for 20 years and have been humbled by the situations women have found themselves in and by the healing they have received in our abortion recovery classes. Please reach out to a center/ministry near you for support. Just search for abortion recovery. Most will have links to centers/ministries in your area. Pam
I had an a abortion 2 and a half years ago. I did the piil so i would have a miscarriage. The person i got pregnant with didnt wanna continue the relationship and i was with this person for 5 years. I was so indecisive on what to do but i chose abortion and i cant help but think all the time how old he or she might be..what they wouldve looked like. Im in a new relationship and has been about 2years and i cant help but be upset that i wish i we wont have that bond to have out first kid together..i have thoughts of why didnt he wanna stay why didnt he wanna be a dad..i have so many mixed emotions. . sometimes i feel like i dont want children anymore because im scared I’ll get left again. I even tried to forgive him and tell him i forgave him but still i hurt and im going ti start counseling next week and im hopeful in gaining my life back.
Hi Julie,
Thank you for coming here to share your story. I’m so sorry for your pain — it’s good that you are seeking counseling and support in this struggle. It may help to know that there are many other women out there who have been where you are and that they are healing, so it is possible to “gain your life back.” I’m sure many people reading these comments will be thinking of you and praying for you on your journey.
I had a abortion a year ago in July around the 24of the month. And every month that day. I get so depressed and just wanna ball up and cry. And my stomach hurt I caint breath I have nightmares and I just feel lonely and down
Hi Rayneisha, I’m so sorry about what you have been through. Sadly, what you are describing has happened to a lot of women, but you don’t have to keep struggling with this alone. Have you visited our healing page at http://afterabortion.org/?page_id=3718? There is information there that can help as well as a list of organizations that offer free and confidential support for those who are struggling after abortion. Many of these groups are run by women who have been there and they will be glad to talk with you and offer help.
Just had an abortion on week ago and its killing me.
I hate the father of my baby because he made me do it for the sake of his family. He had separated from his wife for 4 months when we met. He was so good to me and looked at me with so much love. One day we got so drunk and got intimate. while undressing I asked him to use a condom but he wouldn’t listen so the next day went bought emergency pills. Two weeks later i started having a metallic taste in my mouth and googled to find out what was wrong with me. After I went and bought a pregnancy kit which tested positive, I cried the whole night coz i never thought this could happen to me. I have been so careful.
The next day I rang the father and asked him to meet. When i told him about the pregnancy he told me straight to my face that he had gotten back with his wife and the only way he could help me is to secure an abortion. I wanted to keep the baby. He wouldn’t let me. He booked an appointment to see the doctor and asked his distant cousin to go with me so she would make sure the job was done.
The doctor didn’t say much. I was asked to lie down and the procedure began. I felt like I was going to die. As I imagined how my baby could have looked like I went back home and cried the whole night. When I tried calling him the next day he asked me never to call him ever again because he and his wife were very much in love. It’s been one week now and i cry every night and ask God why all this had to happen to me. I feel all alone with no one to talk to. I wish to die and now call my self a murderer.
Dear Tryne,
My heart goes out to you. I’m very sorry for how you were treated by both the father of your baby and the abortion provider…who should have warned you that the abortion wasn’t going to solve your problems or make the father treat you any better.
If you have not yet read our page on resources for post-abortion healing, please do. Call one of the hotlines to talk to someone who knows what you are going through and can help.
You deserve better. And the good news is that there is help, understanding, and support out there. Be patient with yourself. Don’t give up hope. You can start to heal and this can, in the long run, make you stronger and more compassionate to others in need.
You are in my prayers.
Today make one week I have a abortion and it’s killing me all am here doing is crying I just wish I never follow my bf and make that decision smh I feel shame, guilty, and reckless I just feel like I want to end my life…I need someone to talk to am tired of sitting down crying and breaking down myself
Jan, you are not alone. There are people who have been where you are who want to help. Please look at our resource page on finding a post-abortion healing group and if you need someone to talk to right away, call one of the hotlines listed on that page, such as 1-866-469-7326 or 1-866-482-5433. Several others are listed there, too.
I had an abortion in November, when i was 11 weeks, i only knew i was pregnant for a week before it happened. Since then i have been dealing with it one step at a time, however today is especially hard. Today was suppose to be my due date. The reason i had the abortion was because there was a big risk for the baby and my own health. No matter how many people i talk to i don’t feel like anyone understands or can help. I know it was for the best but when i think back the one week i knew i was pregnant i was the happiest i have ever been. I have lost my faith, i have lost me, and i just don’t know what to do anymore. Anyone have any advice for me?
Dear Maria,
Please don’t give up hope. There are people who can understand where you are at and can listen and help. Please check out our page on finding post-abortion help. It has tips and a long list of organizations and resources. If your first effort to find a match doesn’t work out, keep trying. There is a right match for you.
You are in our prayers.
If you’re reading this, please know that life goes in after termination, and things will get easier.
3 years ago, an unsupportive family and no job/money forced me to terminate my pregnancy after i fell pregnant due to two contraceptives failing.
Luckily my boyfriend promised to support me no matter what.
After my termination my life went on hold for a year. I couldn’t look at myself and I lost interest in life.
My boyfriend sent me to therapy and I finally spoke to someone who wouldn’t judge me and who helped me remember how to enjoy life and move forward.
I wont ever forget my termination, but i know one day I will be able to value the child(ren) I might have in the future.
After i learnt to live myself again, my boyfriend also went to therapy to put his own demons to rest.
Today we are stronger and more supportive of each other than ever, and finally, 3 years later, I am starting to feel like a person again and not beating myself up. I look forward to having children in the future and giving them everything i could never have give to my terminated child.
Please girls/guys if you read this, ask for help/confide in people you trust. You will be okay x
Tomorrow marks one month since I’ve had my abortion. It was a rocky situation from the start because I wrestled with the idea in my head the whole time I was pregnant. I didn’t let anyone force my decision because I knew I was the one who was going to have to live with it at the end of the day. I’ve been fine up until now. I had a sense of relief that I was freed from the situation. But now all I do is cry, I’m emotionally disconnecting from everyone and I have lost my self worth and I feel like I don’t deserve any good to happen to me. My self esteem is crap and i’m starting to just hide under my covers all day. Could this just be hormones or am I experiencing abortion stress. These episodes happened once or twice in the beginning but now they are getting extremely stronger. Should I talk to someone?
It is unlikely just “hormones.” I would recommend talking to someone connected with an experienced post-abortion healing ministry sooner rather than later. Waiting, hiding under your covers, or developing habits of denial or “just coping” can make it more difficult to work through issues later…or at the very least, are likely to delay the healing that you can achieve. Please look at our tips for finding a post-abortion healing program that’s right for you.
Note: Parts of this comment have been removed by a moderator.
I am 23 and I have had 3 abortions in the past 2 years. The story is long, and painful and complicated. I will try to be short. Tragic is what it is. Unbelievable also.
I am smart, university educated, with 2 separate designations both completely geared towards helping people. I know better then this.
I actually help people through hard situations including abuse in one of my careers…. why cant I help my self. I know I have a problem… But I cant stop! I cant say no..
I was in an amazing beautiful relationship for 8 years … After that highschool sweetheart relationship ended, I got into a very unhealthy relationship with a very abusive guy… I am still with him………….. I cant leave. He wont let me.
ok After the 1st abortion I cried a bit… I felt so much guilt and shame, not as bad as the other but still sad.. can you believe I stayed with him and Got pregnant again!! omg how stupid can I be.. well just wait because BAM number 3 happened 4 months later( but #3 was the result of cheating) and my boyfriend actually said keep it this time!!!! how ironic.. but the actual guy who got me pregnant said I must get an abortion. #3 was about 3 months ago.
After the second and third I was so horribly depressed and suicidal.. i mean actually suicidal. I developed a drinking problem… I cant sleep without drinking. And I developed really sick behaviours in regards to intimacy since the second one …
Its like I want to be punished and in physical pain because I deserve it because of what I did. I deserve physical pain to match the pain in my heart. So my behaviour is getting worse and worse. It is a secret no body knows. I cant stop. My boyfriend I fear would actually kill me if he knew I was cheating on him. Not only am I sure I have serious psychological issues due to the abortion…. my new behaviours are honestly frightening. and just add to the guilt and shame and pain.
The worst thing I have noticed I am so viciously jealous when I see pregnant women, my friends, family, or random people. I can act normal until I am alone and then I will break down and cry and act out …
I cant believe this is my life. If you knew me you wouldnt believe it either.
I dont know if I even want kids, on the chance it will be a girl and anything close to my life happens to her. I have no one to talk to and no body knows any of it. I am living 2 separate lives and one is so dangerous and unhealthy and broken.
Stephanie, I hope you are talking with someone who can help you. I am very sorry for your loss and what you are going through. Self-destructive behavior can and does happen after abortion. Please reach out for help, especially if you are in a dangerous situation. If you are in danger you should contact the police or a domestic violence group right away. You need and deserve to be safe if you are being abused.
There are also other organizations and groups that are there to help after an abortion. The help is free and confidential so you don’t need to worry about talking with someone. They will understand … I urge you to visit our healing page at http://afterabortion.org/?page_id=3718. Please don’t hesitate or feel bad about asking for help. There are people who care and want to be there for you.
My name is Trisha and im 17 it’s been about 3 weeks since I had an abortion.! It’s still fresh in my head like a fresh cut open wound. I have so many feeling about what is happening to me. In my situation I was 19 weeks pregnant. I was way farther along then my and my boyfriend thought. It was a bumpy road right from the beginning. I thought I was ok with the decision I was making I thought I felt relieved. But there’s these times where it sneaks right up on me and ima mess all I remember is the pain I was having and the big silver operation room before they put me to sleep.! Now I sit here and wonder why I couldn’t have done it myself and I’m really confused and depressed. It’s kind of making me irritable and sometimes it’s even hard for me to communicate with my boyfriend then I get depressed and my mind always goes straight to thinking the worse this is really taking a till on me.
I want you to be able to talk to someone who knows what you are going through, probably went through it herself, but has also worked through a positive healing process (which does not mean, must learned to shove it down harder to try not to think about it).
If you have not done so already, please look at our tips and resources page for finding a post-abortion healing program. You should maybe call one of the hotlines. Just having someone who can appreciate where you are at and knowing that it is safe to talk freely about your feelings would be a good first step.
Its been a month since my abortion. I had to keep it a secret. I couldnt share my feelings about it with anyone. Ive been trying to keep myself busy, but life seems to have come to a stop. Since the day that i ate the first med. i have been just passing time. Waiting for the night during the day, just waiting to sleep. Every time im on the road, i feel like throwing myself infront of a bus or a truck, and the image of that pleases me, soothes me in a way i cant describe later on. The thought of ending my life feels good and soothing. While im doing my everyday stuff, suddenly i remember what i did, i killed my child! That whole experience starts to replay in my mind, and if im alone i start crying, like someone i spent a life with just died. Ive statred spending and wanting to spend more time with people. I dont want to stay alone even for an hour, because whenever i am alone, i remember i killed it. Ive become edgy, very very much emotionally sensitive. My baby was just five weeks old, so it was more or less a lump of cells, but that picture keeps coming to my mind. Im scared, i dont want problems in my relationship, but today i embarrased my man by walking out on him from a restaurant, infront of our freinds, just because he tlked to me in a harsh tone. Hes angry. I feel he doesnt think of what i went through to be of any significance to be affecting my life. Do i have PTSD because of my abortion? Or is it just what any woman would be like after that experience?
Dear Ananya,
Your feelings and reactions are not unusual. Many women experience suicidal feelings, confusion, irritability or rage, or just deep emptiness. Some feel nothing, often for a very long time, because it is easier to feel numb.
You are also right, your boy friend doesn’t understand. Most people don’t, unless they have been through what you have been.
That’s why I strongly encourage you to call a post-abortion help hotline so you can talk with women like yourself who have been through abortions and also the healing process. They can give you the injection of hope you need right now, and they can also help you get started on the path to healing. In that process, you may even be able to help your boyfriend finally understand what it going on in your heart, head, and spirit.
These suicidal thoughts you are having are very dangerous. Please read our tips on finding a post-abortion support group and call one, or more, of the hotlines listed in the resources section at the bottom of the page.
You are in our prayers. Don’t hesitate to email or call if we can be of any more help.
it has been 3weeks since i had an abortion. my baby was just 17weeks old.i feel so bad and guilty that i took her life. I had no other option but to get an abortion…i was so helpless. i even tired to suicide to overcome the grief. I cry everyday but i know crying wont bring my baby back. I cant move on. I’m afraid that will i ever have another baby! will i ever overcome my grief. when i saw her dead body i wished i could go back in time and change my decision of abortion! i hate myself! i hate that because of my mistakes my baby lost her life! Im mentally disturbed since the day i had abortion..i cant move On!
Don’t wait. If you are in the U.S., please call an post-abortion help line immediately. Here’s one: 1-877-467-3463. There are hotline numbers in the bottom third of this page on finding “post-abortion healing programs.
If necessary, call all of the hotlines until you get enough help that you can at least start feeling that sliver of confidence that things will work out if you just open yourselves to letting people help you.
Your suicidal inclinations are dangerous, not only to you, but will irrevocably hurt countless other people.
If you feel the impulse again, call a suicide hotline, too.
If you’re not in the U.S. and need help finding a post-abortion healing program in your country, please let us know and we’ll do whatever we can to help you find someone.
It has been six months now since I had an abortion and I have felt nothing but regret. The past few months have been so hard. I would of been due lat month and my boyfriends sister had found out she was pregnant a few days after I had abortion I can’t help but feel jealousy because I didn’t agree with abortion at all , my partner didn’t agree with me keeping it at all.. I’ve beaten myself up ever since constantly crying thinking about what could of been .. They say times a healer but it seems like I will never get over this .. Seeing my partner over the moon about becoming an uncle makes me so mad and I feel like I’m being stupid for having these feelings
Your feelings don’t seem stupid at all; they seem very natural and similar to what a lot of other women have described. Please know that you are not alone and that there are people who can help, and who would be glad to talk with you. You can find links to some organizations that offer free and confidential help on our healing page at http://afterabortion.org/help-healing/. Or check out the Abortion Recovery website at http://abortionrecovery.org. Click on the “Care Directory” link and put in your zip code to find local counselors, support groups, etc. I hope this information will be of help.
It’s been only 1 day since my abortion and, it’s still playin fresh n my mind my legs cocked open, the silver clamp, the suction tube and my baby on the ultra sound. Just seeing my baby 13 weeks playing then being sucked out will hunt me forever. It’s hard to look at my 5 month old and 4 yr old knowing, they we’re blessings to me and I never gave him/her a chance. I always said I’ll never get an abortion but, I got 1. I thought it was best for me and my boyfriend.
Nina, I’m so sorry for what you have been through. Please know that you are not alone and that are people who want to help and support you. Here is a list of organizations that offer free and confidential help (some are run by women who have had abortions themselves so you can be sure they will understand what you are going through) http://afterabortion.org/help-healing/. Please read the whole page for other information about the best way to find help, what to expect, questions to ask, etc. I hope you will check this out.
I have guilt and often think of what my aborted child would have been like, boy or girl. I look at other children that would be around the same age as my child and wonder what he/she would have been like. I feel sad and ask vor forgiveness. I have regret, shame and tired of hiding this secret. This happened over 14 years ago and now that I’m married and have children I feel terrible for what I did.
I feel similar thoughts as in the post above. Ever since I had the abortion (which was about seven months ago) I go into work and notice lots of customers who are pregnant women, families with young children, and adorable babies in strollers or strapped tight to their mothers chests and think, that could have been me and MY baby… what have I done? I feel jealousy when I see smiling women holding their little ones and people around them smiling at those very loved babies. Also, I often feel uncomfortable with conversations about the topic on abortion, feelings of anger and resentment toward people who disagree with women choosing abortion, and sometimes confuse myself when I start to agree with the things people say about how abortion is so terribly wrong. Even though I am only nineteen I still feel a maternal instinct inside myself and I almost feel like I want to try pregnancy again and choose to keep the baby so I can finally experience the joys of motherhood.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Emily. It’s normal to have so many mixed feelings. I hope you will always remember that there are loving, non-judgmental women who have been exactly where you are willing to listen and support you if you ever need someone to talk to or feel a need for healing. If you do feel a need for help, check out our page on healing resources.
Since you mention feeling that maybe you want to get pregnant again . . . I do want to point out that it is very common for women to become pregnant seeking a “replacement baby” to fill the hole left by the child lost to abortion. But while this may be some comfort it also creates new stress and may even trigger unresolved grief issues related to the abortion. So I would strongly encourage you to seek some post-abortion counseling and healing before trying to get pregnant it that is at all possible. Doing so may help you to enjoy the pregnancy and to be better prepared to bond with your baby without the history of your abortion interfering with that bonding process.
In any event, you are in our prayers.
I have always felt this same way and can’t seem to forgive myself. It hurts so bad at times. I did this 12 years 3 days ago. It just feels like every year around this time the memories are sure to come back stringer and haunt me..:(
Hi Kimberley, I am so sorry that you have been carrying this pain for so long. Forgiving yourself can be hard — but you do deserve forgiveness and healing! Having those memories around the anniversary is pretty common too — I can’t say you will ever stop remembering or that it won’t hurt, but I hope and pray that you will reach a point where it won’t be so painful. Have you ever sought counseling or support for this issue? If you are grieving alone and holding the pain inside that can make it harder to move forward. If you don’t have any support, please check out our healing page for groups that provide counseling and support after abortion. You can talk to other women who have been there, or seek help from a counselor who can help you overcome some of the barriers that may be in the way of you feeling healed and able to forgive yourself. This help is free and confidential, and it doesn’t matter how long it has been or where you are at right now. If you don’t feel ready to talk with someone or just want to learn more about what healing can look like, you can visit the Rachel’s Vineyard web site where there are a Q&A page (where you can submit a question to an expert or just read other questions and answers) as well as email support available (note that while this group has a Christian basis, you don’t have to be Christian or religious to receive support from them). Don’t give up! You can get to a better place about this.