This week is Coerced Abortion Awareness Week, which helps raise awareness that most abortions are unwanted or coerced and that abortion hurts women, men and families in our churches and communities.
As the week continues, we are sharing with you personal stories from those who have been there. Men are hurt by coerced and unwanted abortions too. Here is one man’s story:
For every woman who has had an abortion a man has been involved. For me it was two abortions.
My story begins at 16 when I heard that first “I’m pregnant” from my girlfriend. I can remember being scared and a little confused about how it all happened. I asked all of the questions like, “I thought you were protected,” and anything else I could think of to say rather than taking responsibility for my actions.
I can remember when the phone call came to my parents. My feelings of being scared and confused changed to terrified and ashamed. I don’t know how much time passed from the phone call until my parents came to talk with me, but it felt like an eternity. I remember putting on my headphones with the music cranked up, not wanting to face the consequences of my actions as my parents were trying to talk to me. I wanted it all to go away.
I’m sure my parents were just as scared and that thoughts of “what’s next” were running through their minds. Both sets of parents got involved, and it ended with the untimely death of Jonathan Michael, who would now be 30-plus years old and doing something I never gave him the chance to do.
I don’t remember thinking a whole lot about the abortion. In my busy, important life as a teenager, sex, drugs, and rock and roll took over with a steady diet of Pink Floyd and others. It didn’t take long for this life-style to catch up with me; I got myself in the same situation with another girlfriend.
I remember thinking, “Okay, this time I will be a man and take care of this baby. I know I’m only 17, but I’ll be 18 real soon and out of high school. I know I can work hard and make it work out this time.”
When we had the sit-down talk with my girlfriend’s dad, he proceeded to tell me I wasn’t ready for the responsibility of raising a child. After all, I was still in high school and I had no job stability. He continued for some time, but all I heard after that was, “You are not good enough; you’re a loser. What kind of idiot would get my daughter pregnant anyway? I can’t believe I even let my daughter go out with you the way you look, you long-haired loser.”
The result of that conversation was the decision by her parents for the abortion of Zachary Allen, who would be following his older brother’s lead in the life I didn’t fight for. That day ripped my gut out and closed my heart.
My role in two abortions has been long-lasting. I can tell you that the mental and emotional effects on a man are real and devastating. I really don’t let anyone get close to me because I don’t want to let them down. I’ve had a divorce, no current relationship with my two living sons, countless unfinished projects, and several jobs left before true success–mainly because I never felt I deserved it.
Where am I today? After hearing a woman’s personal story in our church of how abortion affected her, I felt like a hammer hit me between the eyes. I knew then it was time to start dealing with my past. Jesus Christ has forgiven my past and continues to strengthen me. I know that there is NO future looking in my rearview mirror and nothing in my past that I can change. My wife had nothing to do with my past, but she wants the best for our future and to fight and save as many untimely deaths as we can together. Her support has been immeasurable in the healing process.
You can download and share this story here. Make copies to give to others along with information about coerced and unwanted abortions. Post this story to your web site, blog, Facebook page, or other social networking site. Include a link to the men’s page for more information and resources for support.
If you or someone you love is facing an abortion, or hurting as a result of a past abortion, download our Help and Healing guide.
So you named your unborn children who were probably aborted before they had a heartbeat – much less developed sex organs. This story wreaks of desperation and sob story lines by the agenda pushing GOP.
Our hearts begin to beat in the first 21 days. Thus, the baby’s heart has begun beating before most mothers know or confirm their pregnancy. As far as the sex of each child goes, that is determined at conception by which spermatozoa fertilized the ovum. You do not know when each child was aborted, so perhaps the sex organs were beginning to develop. Anyway, post-abortion counseling groups urge the parents to name their aborted children as part of the healing process.
Perhaps this is a sob story, but why are you so uncaring and dismissive of it as a political ploy?
If only there could be more compassion for those in grief for the loss of a child… When my life started, I was less in size than a grain of fine salt…so were you! Unless you have suffered, be you male ore female from the child or grandchild you never got to hold, you would not understand the questions, heartaches, and sometimes nightmares we experience. Please do not make light of someone else’sd pain when they have overcome their fears and shame, enough to share. Let us love and encourage one another…that is our duty to each other, in my opinion.
Well said, Christina. Thanks.
Dear Father,
Thank you for sharing your story. As a post abortive mother, I never gave any thought to the effect of my 3 abortions on the fathers involved until I started to get healing for my own wounds. I now value the storis of fathers so very much. Thank you, again, & God Bless as you walk the journey of healing.
PA Mom
Susan, thank you for the compassion you have expressed in your comments.
John, the Church Awareness Project is not here to push a political agenda and we are not affiliated with any political party. Our goal is to equip churches to help those who are struggling, either during pregnancy or after abortion. The father in this story doesn’t mention at what stage in the pregnancy the abortions took place, but most do take place after the heart starts beating and organs are being formed.
That aside, shouldn’t we be compassionate to those who are grieving, whether they lost a child due to abortion (abortions which are unwanted in many, even most, cases), miscarriage, stillbirth, or after the birth takes place? And shouldn’t we support parents who don’t want to abort or who would otherwise give birth with authentic alternatives instead of one option only?
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